Going to MaRS

ok it's not quite as exciting as it sounds... But here's the scoop!

Parking at the Toronto General Hospital is not only expensive at $25.00 for 3 or more hours, it is unhealthy. There is no sign of proper venthalation in the parkade and it reeks of exhaust fumes. So last week I hunted for an alternative. There is the princess margaret hospital, sick kids, the university etc but all of those would require dropping my mother off at the door, parking then meeting up with her. In the 20 minutes or so it takes to do all of this she can easily find herself in distress because of an oxygen tank failure etc. Not to mention if it's raining or snowing... So I found an alternative... Park on MaRS's parking lot! Then it's only a hop skip and a jump to the elevators in the Toronto general hospital... Oh, and MaRS is actually the convention centre next door to the hospital, but they are physically linked by a set of doors. Additionally the cost for the entire day till 5PM is a maximum of $15.00 so this is much more reasonable. Leaves extra cash in my pocket for the starbucks double chocholaty chip frappachino or however the heck you spell that...

ToDo vs TaDa

With a HUGE garbage bin sitting in my driveway my kids and I have already managed to fill it with wood and scrap that we have not been able to throw away until now. Today I start the daunting task of disassembling the temporary platform/room that I built when we learned we would be host to not just my mother but my grandmother too. Our little house on the corner is mid sized as far as multi family dwellings go and now with her gone I feel it's time to reclaim my garage for what it was originally intended for.

Other big projects on the go include repairing the fence that was originally installed wrong, not only is it not straight, the fence sections were not installed level and do not meet the posts at the right place. Digging up the driveway and installing a new walk way up to the front door. And building a deck off the front of the house so we can have a place to sit and enjoy our front yard.

In the dreamscape that is my vision of my yard I also wish to build a small fence, "NOT PICKET" around the front of the property to keep the kids from running around my front yard. They really have trampled the lawn into an unrecognizable state.

I have also come to a conclusion after prayer that my greed got the better of me last week, despite all the projects that have to be done I picked up a small tablet PC even though I already have a laptop computer. I think I did this to find comfort after the bad news of my friend. I have just finished running HP's system restore on it and will be returning it to the store in a couple of hours. I simply don't need it and I feel that at least a portion of the money should be sent as a donation to help "The Children's Garden" in Nairobi, Kenya. This donation will be in memory of my friend.

The rest of the money will go to installing the walkway in front of my house, hopefully increasing the value of the property.

So far it feels like a good day, i'm gonna go gather my thoughts in front of the morning glory flowers and check to see if the last peach of the season has ripened for me or if the squirrels have gotten to it first... :) Either way I am at peace today!

Cheers!~

65 Yrs of magic.

My wife's grand parents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary yesterday. One of the most fascinating things for me is to watch how her family gathers at several reunions per year. Christmas, Anniversaries etc. It really is a time to remember that while we all have our separate lives we are still family. Distant cousin's and in laws etc, chat it up, sharing the good and the bad with everyone in the room realistic or not it's banter that brings us together. From the complimentary wine supplied by her uncle, who owns a bed and breakfast, CLICK HERE to visit his website. To the many nieces and nephews that frolic and play around our feet while the adults find the best words to represent themselves in social conversation. The constantly repeating "How have you been", and "how's your business going" are all indicative of our family circle's cleshay rules, but I enjoy every bit of it. Each event that passes makes me more and more comfortable with our family gatherings, and I hope that the impression it leaves with my children is a positive one. I really want them to continue these traditions when they grow up because I too want to be the old person sitting next to his wife at the head table some day. I can see the healing and support that comes from having a closely knit family like this, and now that I am finally a part of it I won't let it go willingly. This is something I did not grow up with but something at 36 years old I am getting better at, my past made me cold to these sorts of gatherings, my abuse made hugs an awkward thing. My own close family was really restricted to my grandmother Regina who is recently deceased, one "good" uncle deceased, and my own brother and mother who remain close to me today. Thanks to a childhood full of atheist mindsets and lifestyles fit to follow, I was not close to my cousins, uncles and Aunt's in Calgary and that remains true today. In fact with the recent passing of my grandmother they have really presented an ugly side for which I have been forced to cut all ties to completely.

But I did not come here to complain, I came to say that the love and friendship I now see in my wife's family simply adds to the bond between my wife and I. My wife and I by the way are a topic in my life I have spoken rarely about. In fact I have had several people say "You never talk about your wife" or "You don't have many photos of your wife" well this is simply because my wife wishes to remain separated from my geeky ways and does not like her picture to be posted on the internet. While I have found healing in sharing my stories with people publicly, she wishes to remain as anonymous as humanly possible. I respect that and know in my heart that our 65th anniversary is just around the corner. I will say though that my wife, as viewed by my heart and soul is the most amazing woman and is perfectly a match for me. She is the answer to a prayer I remember so clearly, ok at age 15 and having no faith background it was not so much a prayer but more of a portrait of my perfect life but I remember putting a lot of thought into it. In retrospect I remember knowing in my heart that I would meet her some day. And so at the age of 20 I met my 18 year old sweet heart, drunk with love here we are today with three beautiful kids, a menagerie of pets and a whole lot of responsibility...

I wouldn't give that up for the world!

An open letter to David, Stephen, Bryon Seeley and anyone who knew Marilyn's gentle ways.

In an attempt to share with you how Marilyn affected my life, I would like you all to know that Marilyn touched my heart like no other person and brought me from having no faith at all to having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. While I am no different than anyone else, that relationship with Jesus is constantly under construction. I am not ashamed of that and rejoice in the knowledge that this is perfectly normal and expected by Jesus. When I was young and we first met, Marilyn's gentle nature made it easy to pour out my story through words on IRC. Then later, when I met her in person I came to know and respect her as the gentle angel in my life who would always be there to guide me. Now that she has joined God in his Kingdom I know this to be more real than ever before. She may not be on the other end of a keyboard but I feel that when I pray to God that she will listen too. I have spent many hours chatting with Marilyn on the computer, and have taken much of her advice. She was always so concerned about my choices and gave me a gentle push down the right path when I needed it. Steering me away from Drugs, alcohol and helping me to stay on a path that is right with God, it seemed to be her passion and she executed this well. Early on in my life I dealt with many personal hardships. These included sexual abuse at the hands of my uncle, growing up around an alcoholic father, and the eventual divorce of my parents. A little later in life I was exposed to the deaths of several positive role models in my life. While I did not always make my hardships clear to Marilyn, her council obviously driven by God's love helped me to learn how to "forgive my trespassers" and move on with my life. It is quite clear to me that God sent her to help me through this, she was an angel on earth and the same is true in heaven now. Had I not met Marilyn in those Internet chat rooms late at night as a teenager, I would have continued on down the road of destruction that Satan was plotting out with all of his might. Little did Satan know that I had one of God's most powerful angels on my side, one who did not fight with anger and hate but with absolute love for God the almighty! And in Marilyn's passing to the kingdom of heaven I have witnessed first hand the true power of God and our saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

I know that Marilyn is being honoured by God for her work and until we meet with her again I will miss my conversations with her dearly. We have witnessed first hand one of God's miracle plans, and Marilyn executed it with grace and style like no other could...

Bryon, thank you "SO MUCH" for sharing your blog with me and please remain in touch... I look forward to seeing you in person again soon...

With Love from my family to yours...

Don Millette.

Brampton Ontario Canada.

Due to a lack of interest, Tommorow has been cancelled...

Yesterday I wanted to write a blog I really did. I was however, so exhausted from the menial tasks I completed that I was unable to put fingertip to keyboard as it were... This type of exhaustion is typical of someone with Celiac sprue. Just a general feeling of unwell some days it's the one symptom that has improved with strict diet but has not been restored to what I can only imagine is a normal state. Only as a child younger than 10 years old do I remember being able to be awake from sun up to sun down without feeling tired...

I was unable to sleep Friday night, tossing and turning with much going through my head and a lot of it related to the home inspection we were expecting Saturday. So finally at 4am I gave up the fight to lose consciousness and made my way down the two levels of our home into the basement where the family dog followed in a drunken stooper. My workbench a mess, and a small fracture in the foundation of our house, hot topics that needed to be resolved before I could return to the bed. My wife is a color expert for a local paint store so naturally we have about 25 cans of paint waiting patiently to be applied to all the flat surfaces my wife can dream up artistically. Knowing that I am quite good at distinguishing color I began to put a spoon from this can and one from that can and mix up a match for the blueish grey that is on our foundation wall. Then I sanded away the calcium that had formed in a definite drip pattern on the wall with the fracture and then brushed on vigorously the color I had matched to the wall... VOILA, a perfect match indeed... and not a shred of evidence from the inside wall :)

Among other things, I put up a mirror in the bathroom, cut some wood revealing a new shelf, and put all the miscellaneous tools who had found themselves on the workbench back in their places on the wall and in the cabinets. You see I am one of those people who can be disorganized at times but when I cleanup, everything has a place... Perhaps excessively I hang things on a board then once they are in a placement that I am happy with I outline it with permanent ink or sharpie pen. That way if one of the tools should find itself off on a job at 4am I will be able to locate it with ease...

5:30am rolls around quickly and I am amazed that the family hasn't woken up and begun yelling at me for sawing wood and screwing shelving units to the wall... I return to bed to get a couple hours sleep before I would meet with an IT client to solve his login issues. Then I would meet with the inspector at 10:30am...

Much to my surprise, the inspector showed up at 10:05am, said he was ahead of schedule so I received a call on my cell phone from my daughter. In the most gentle voice possible, and yet still audible she says "Daddy! the inspectors here... I have the dog in the bathroom", Of course the foot goes down to the floor on my Kia Rio5 and I say "Thanks for the message baby, I'm just around the corner be right there..." She seemed so pleased that I would be there soon. The family dog guard dog was now boring a hole through our bathroom wall where she goes naturally after the doorbell rings so she can look out the window.

The inspector did not notice the crack on the inside of the house but took many pictures of the outside... My fingers are crossed as we are waiting for a good injection of money so we can fix up our house, money's been tight since my grandmother passed away, the $600.00 she contributed monthly was the extra income that made us truly comfortable. Now I'm in a position where I have to find that extra income somewhere else... We shall see what the future holds, an injection of money will at least get us through the rest of the year where hopefully my mother's surgery will be complete and we will be able to make a decision as to what we will do as a next step. I personally would like to move to a quiet neighborhood with less.. Ahem... Neighbors :) Brampton seems to have keen interest in keeping the order through bylaws and nosy neighbors...

Anyhow, I'm up now this Sunday AM and writing this blog but now I think I need to get into a hot shower and begin the day right...

Have a great day!
Cause I know I will...

Code Blue...

Sitting in the lobby again, waiting for the appointment to finish when half way into it, approximately three hours. The intercom beeps signalling another serious code in the hospital. Barely listening my attention is focused on the glow of the screen in the corner of this lobby. "Code blue, 12th floor, multi organ transplant... Code blue, 12th floor, multi organ transplant..." My ears change direction and I immediately put together the realization that my mother is on that very wing, in that very ward attending an exercise class. So I snap the lid of the laptop shut, pull the power and stuff it all in the backpack within a matter of seconds I am in the elevator frantically pressing 12 over and over again as if like at a cross walk my repeated actions will somehow convince the elevator's controls to favor my destination and take me there in a hurry.

When I arrive on the 12th floor there is a team of about 20 or so doctors and nurses working on a lady laying on a stretcher. Her feet dangling out and the same color and texture of jogging pants that my mother wears in plain sight. Not wanting to panic at this point i'm asking people if they know who this is and no one would answer. Repeatedly I am told you will just have to wait until they stabalize her...

The next few minutes feel like an hour but finally they rush the person down the hallway towards some extended care and I follow after being told it's ok to do so by a nurse who was previously guarding the doorway. As I come around the corner looking into the room there sits my mother quietly lifting a 5 pound weight as instructed by her nurse...

Sheesh, talk about a panic...

So now that crisis has passed I think i'll go eat some chicken and fries to calm my nerves!
TTYL...

Can't Hide From The Sun today!

From here, the lobby chair where I sit waiting for my mother's appointment I can see the sun from every angle as I look out the window. All the highly reflective glass windows on all the bulidings seems to want to concentrate my focus on the sun. The blinding light resets my internal time clock letting me know that the day has begun, additionally my body begins to feel good as I stretch and yawn my way into existance.

I was not really what you'd call a mamma's boy, but I do feel that I am close to my mother. I took on the responsibility of helping her get through her medical problems not really by choice, it just seemed to naturally occur. I certainly don't regret this choice but it has meant a lot of sacrafices for my family. Being the youngest child of two the position was bestowed upon me. We sort of live around the reality that at least for now travel on the weekends and extra hours of work are out of the question. We have become aquainted with shortness of breath, gasps and plea bargaining with God for a chance at a comfortable breath. These are things we have witnessed my mother go through. Time and time again, getting from the makeshift bedroom we made for her out of our dining room to the bathroom 30 feet away it is always like she is climbing mount everest. Simple things we take for granted she fights to achieve. And her new baseline I am afraid has proven to me that we picked the best time for her to be on this transplant list. If it is of any consolation to my brother and his family, my mother's desire to live through the gift of a stranger could not be more appropriately timed I can assure you. She understands the serious risks involved, I mean how could she not? They drill it into you time and time again as they conduct their genetic testing, dozens of blood tests, MRI lung scans, blood typing, blood screening, toxicology, visits to the thoracic surgery department to meet one of four surgeons in person etc... The list of medical tests my mother has completed for this goal of staying alive is amazing, and the costs involved even more astounding. We make the trip from Brampton to Toronto three times per week, the cost in fuel I have calculated to be approximately 4 dollars each way through heavy traffic and 3 dollars each way with light traffic. The parking is always 25 dollars, and a light snack for the both of us before she starts her exercise is no less than 10 dollars at the starbucks coffee house.

I will say it again, Thank you starbucks and Bell sympatico for the complimentary WIFI access... It has allowed me to keep sane with this blog and to work remotely when my brother in law needs me too.

My wife Jody and I met at a very young age I was 20 and she was 18 and we both enjoy living a very quiet existance together, one not cluttered with the expectations of other people or the complexities of infidelity. We basically do as we please and unfortunately that sometimes conflicts with how others see us. Our life is filled with responsibilities that most couples never have to think about. Asside from our three children we were caregivers of two aging family members and now since the passing of my grandmother two months ago we are the caregiver to my mother.
Within the decade and a half that i've known my wife i've witnessed mental illness affect my wife deeply, through the gambling and promiscuity she witnessed while growing up it tore a great wound into her soul. Through tremendous hard work my wife has stitched together a respectable existance. One that I am proud to be a part of. And now 16 years after meeting my wonderful wife she has become an exceptional wife/mother/friend. I have learned a great deal from her and wish to be with her till the very day that I die.

When my grandmother passed away recently I quickly found out how ugly a person's own family can be. Shadowed by a misunderstanding I was attacked verbally by the wife of a cousin who lives in my home town of Calgary Alberta Canada. She believes that I am some horrible person and made it quite clear that she would make sure the rest of my family there know how awful I was. Hmmm well I can't ignore the fact that it bothers me a bit that they feel this way but then again as my brother pointed out to me. They never bothered with any of us when we were growing up and now all of a sudden my nanna dies and they are all over us like flies on a sticky bananna. Accusing us of trying to get my grandmothers money. She had no money, in fact her life insurance turned out to barely be enough to have her cremated. We were lead to believe through my grandmother's words that her policy was enough to have her sent back to Calgary whole body, yet the reality was that the policy was worth half of that. My mother and I were fortunate that the plans we had originally drawn up with the funeral home for 10 thousand dollars was able to be redrawn to accomodate the actual insurance policy.

I was furious about this but now I have come to settle on the idea that my cousin's just don't understand the truth. Where were they when my grandmother broke her hip and couldn't live on her own again... Or when she returned from a hospital visit and didin't realize she still had the IV line in, during that night when she pulled the line out and bled all over our house and nearly died. Then had to get a transfusion to bring her blood plasma levels back up to normal. And what about the Delerious behaviors, walking into my bedroom at 2am screaming her head off that a strange man was in our house and that he was trying to kill us... Or when a kind stranger brought her 2 dozen kittens to take care of at the side door of our house.... All this while the family guard dog snored? I don't think so... Anyone who knows my dog knows that she would not allow such a thing to go on in my house. It was my grandmother's wishes to be kept out of a nursing home as she worked in one for many years and she was terrified at the thought that she would have to go back there to die. Where were the cousins when I had decided to move my family to Ontario? I gave my grandmother the option to come with and she chose to stay, my mother felt she had to stay as well to help take care of her. Two years later I convinced them both that they needed to come live with us here in Ontario so that we could help take care of them...

I can say one thing for sure... I followed my grandmother's wishes to the best of my ability and the words her and I spoke when she was dying gave me the comfort in knowing that I did a very good job of it.

Thank you nanna for grabbing my hand the day before you went to be with the Lord Jesus Christ and saying "Donald, your the only one who stood by me, thank you" The memory I have of your trembling hand and the moments of clear thought, tears streaming down my cheek that day... It was one of the most proud moments of my life...

BTW we are enjoying your doggie, he's a good friend of ours now...

What's the damn password!!!

OK, so i'm sitting here waiting for a server to reboot. Sent to the job with very little information I find myself trying to guess peoples passwords and ultimately either reset them to something new or go digging around in the system for the secret file containing their password. If the password is contained in a text file it will be easy to locate unencrypted. But what really frustrates me is how people operate companies and they can't even remember what the passwords to their systems are...

It's not uncommon for a HUGE corporation to be waiting for you to bring their systems back up and running but yet they have no record of what the system passwords are...

Come on people sheesh!
OK i'm going to see if the server is back up now...

Not so fast!!!

In attempt to get ahead I have been rushing around doing medical trips with my mother and working in excess of 200 hours in a span of three weeks time. I have since dropped one of those jobs and am now focusing on the medical trips and the IT work provided by my brother in laws company, one for which I am a minor partner in. Until my situation medically changes I think this may be the best way to not burn myself out physically.

For those who do not know, my mother has been in an 18 year battle with Alpha1 Antitrypson Deficiency. You can read about it by visiting a small page I put together at http://millettepc.com/alpha1 if your interested.

Now I must go to work... At least it's work that I enjoy...
Cheers!

Hotspots and foyers

As I sit in the Robert R.McEwen Atrium I find myself writing the first blog here. I have so much to say and my 3.5 pounds of grey matter are finding it difficult to organize exactly what I want to say. I am waiting for my mother to finish her exercise class in the multi organ transplant center and am fortunate enough to have found this hot spot graciously provided by Starbucks coffee. Using my existing internet provider I am able to easily connect and sit on this comfortable lobby furniture.

When you get busy with life, you start to forget what's really important... Reflection and direction. The whole reason I started this blog was because I literally hit a brick wall when I recently learned that a good friend of mine is sick... Very sick indeed. I am fortunate to have her in my life, and have seen her family as a great role model for my own.

I met Marilyn several years ago, as a confused and troubled teenager I was finding an online world of IRC an oasis for my troubled mind. I dabbled in drugs and alcohol as some teenagers do. But then one day while talking on IRC I stumbled into a room I had not been to before #christians there I met and conversed with a person named mskipper. She poked and prodded me with one question after another.. where are you from, do you believe in God etc... I became intrigued knowing that someone out there in the world was finally interested in what I had to say... Some of my response perhaps was untruthful but as a teenager hidden behind the firewalls and computer screens I felt safe and sound and free to be who I wanted to be, not who I was... Conversation after Conversation I started to take her advice and search for this fantastic "God" that she was so passionate about sharing. My road to Jesus may not have turned me into an evangelist but it certainly steered me away from a life of drugs and alcohol, a path I was already well on my way to sharing with my teenage friends.

More on this later...