From here, the lobby chair where I sit waiting for my mother's appointment I can see the sun from every angle as I look out the window. All the highly reflective glass windows on all the bulidings seems to want to concentrate my focus on the sun. The blinding light resets my internal time clock letting me know that the day has begun, additionally my body begins to feel good as I stretch and yawn my way into existance.
I was not really what you'd call a mamma's boy, but I do feel that I am close to my mother. I took on the responsibility of helping her get through her medical problems not really by choice, it just seemed to naturally occur. I certainly don't regret this choice but it has meant a lot of sacrafices for my family. Being the youngest child of two the position was bestowed upon me. We sort of live around the reality that at least for now travel on the weekends and extra hours of work are out of the question. We have become aquainted with shortness of breath, gasps and plea bargaining with God for a chance at a comfortable breath. These are things we have witnessed my mother go through. Time and time again, getting from the makeshift bedroom we made for her out of our dining room to the bathroom 30 feet away it is always like she is climbing mount everest. Simple things we take for granted she fights to achieve. And her new baseline I am afraid has proven to me that we picked the best time for her to be on this transplant list. If it is of any consolation to my brother and his family, my mother's desire to live through the gift of a stranger could not be more appropriately timed I can assure you. She understands the serious risks involved, I mean how could she not? They drill it into you time and time again as they conduct their genetic testing, dozens of blood tests, MRI lung scans, blood typing, blood screening, toxicology, visits to the thoracic surgery department to meet one of four surgeons in person etc... The list of medical tests my mother has completed for this goal of staying alive is amazing, and the costs involved even more astounding. We make the trip from Brampton to Toronto three times per week, the cost in fuel I have calculated to be approximately 4 dollars each way through heavy traffic and 3 dollars each way with light traffic. The parking is always 25 dollars, and a light snack for the both of us before she starts her exercise is no less than 10 dollars at the starbucks coffee house.
I will say it again, Thank you starbucks and Bell sympatico for the complimentary WIFI access... It has allowed me to keep sane with this blog and to work remotely when my brother in law needs me too.
My wife Jody and I met at a very young age I was 20 and she was 18 and we both enjoy living a very quiet existance together, one not cluttered with the expectations of other people or the complexities of infidelity. We basically do as we please and unfortunately that sometimes conflicts with how others see us. Our life is filled with responsibilities that most couples never have to think about. Asside from our three children we were caregivers of two aging family members and now since the passing of my grandmother two months ago we are the caregiver to my mother.
Within the decade and a half that i've known my wife i've witnessed mental illness affect my wife deeply, through the gambling and promiscuity she witnessed while growing up it tore a great wound into her soul. Through tremendous hard work my wife has stitched together a respectable existance. One that I am proud to be a part of. And now 16 years after meeting my wonderful wife she has become an exceptional wife/mother/friend. I have learned a great deal from her and wish to be with her till the very day that I die.
When my grandmother passed away recently I quickly found out how ugly a person's own family can be. Shadowed by a misunderstanding I was attacked verbally by the wife of a cousin who lives in my home town of Calgary Alberta Canada. She believes that I am some horrible person and made it quite clear that she would make sure the rest of my family there know how awful I was. Hmmm well I can't ignore the fact that it bothers me a bit that they feel this way but then again as my brother pointed out to me. They never bothered with any of us when we were growing up and now all of a sudden my nanna dies and they are all over us like flies on a sticky bananna. Accusing us of trying to get my grandmothers money. She had no money, in fact her life insurance turned out to barely be enough to have her cremated. We were lead to believe through my grandmother's words that her policy was enough to have her sent back to Calgary whole body, yet the reality was that the policy was worth half of that. My mother and I were fortunate that the plans we had originally drawn up with the funeral home for 10 thousand dollars was able to be redrawn to accomodate the actual insurance policy.
I was furious about this but now I have come to settle on the idea that my cousin's just don't understand the truth. Where were they when my grandmother broke her hip and couldn't live on her own again... Or when she returned from a hospital visit and didin't realize she still had the IV line in, during that night when she pulled the line out and bled all over our house and nearly died. Then had to get a transfusion to bring her blood plasma levels back up to normal. And what about the Delerious behaviors, walking into my bedroom at 2am screaming her head off that a strange man was in our house and that he was trying to kill us... Or when a kind stranger brought her 2 dozen kittens to take care of at the side door of our house.... All this while the family guard dog snored? I don't think so... Anyone who knows my dog knows that she would not allow such a thing to go on in my house. It was my grandmother's wishes to be kept out of a nursing home as she worked in one for many years and she was terrified at the thought that she would have to go back there to die. Where were the cousins when I had decided to move my family to Ontario? I gave my grandmother the option to come with and she chose to stay, my mother felt she had to stay as well to help take care of her. Two years later I convinced them both that they needed to come live with us here in Ontario so that we could help take care of them...
I can say one thing for sure... I followed my grandmother's wishes to the best of my ability and the words her and I spoke when she was dying gave me the comfort in knowing that I did a very good job of it.
Thank you nanna for grabbing my hand the day before you went to be with the Lord Jesus Christ and saying "Donald, your the only one who stood by me, thank you" The memory I have of your trembling hand and the moments of clear thought, tears streaming down my cheek that day... It was one of the most proud moments of my life...
BTW we are enjoying your doggie, he's a good friend of ours now...
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