So here I sit again with my mother. This time the call came in at 1:45am. What the heck? two chances at a new life within a week? This can't purely be coincidence... I am starting to wonder if there is a divine plan... "Well of course there is dumb ass!!!" My mind quickly goes with the volition that we are not alone. It's a basic need, to know? that someone is in control of this massively chaotic world. Our creation is as real as we make it, if we choose to ignore all possibilities of an intelligently designed existence well then we are ignorant. And somehow I think the phrase "Ignorance is bliss" may apply here...
10:55am - The kind doctor rolls into our room and quickly but sensitively says "The surgery's canceled.. I'm very sorry but the donor had pneumonia..."
10:55am - The kind doctor rolls into our room and quickly but sensitively says "The surgery's canceled.. I'm very sorry but the donor had pneumonia..."
On November, 5th which was a Wednesday, the would be 94th birthday of my grandmother. Her son, Harold Smeltzer was granted day parole. Well I can't even begin to tell you how this alone stirred up a world of emotions for me. I have been drifting in and out of clear/foggy mind, constantly trying to rationalize what happened.
The family of the girl he murdered I feel close to, constantly in and out of conversation with them online. Wishing each other prayer and good will, and just generally trying to understand each other's situation as best as we can. They are angered by this latest news of his release. And rightfully so! I mean after 28 years they had to dredge up all that hurt again and not only face.. but literally sit a few feet from the monster who took their baby girl away... The monster they so fondly hate, is my uncle and childhood abuser. I just see so much hate in their eyes and while I wouldn't dare confront them on this I wonder if the anger is doing them more harm than good... I am not asking them to like him, no way in hell. In fact I can barely muster up an ounce of forgiveness in my own heart for the guy but I know that I have somewhat let go of what happened to me and it feels really good to know that he is no longer in control of my life. I fear however that as long as he can keep someone's heart so filled with hate that he has some level of control over them.
So to briefly recap my current stresses but not to dwell on them...
1) I am the main support person for my mother who is on a transplant list. The journey has thus far been much more intense than I had originally dreamed.
2) I have an uncle who, to say the least is in my opinion still a threat to society. I have just confirmed a rumor that I heard about the parole hearing itself. I have from a good source and someone who was at the hearing that the parole board asked Harold if he would be a threat to society if he is released. And while the words are not exact he said something to the effect of "some of the things he would have to do in order to not re-offend are things like avoid being around schools, not looking at porn and being careful of what he watches on tv" I mean HOLY CRAP people why didn't this set off alarm bells?
3) My employment situation for the past couple months has been bleak with the intense medical appointments and my current state of health.
4) within one year I have lost 3 people who were dear to me. Long time friend Marilyn Seeley (Cancer), My dear auntie Nadia Smeltzer (cancer), and my Grandmother whom I was also primary care giver for.
So what could I possibly be happy about then? what keeps me going? Well, plenty of things...
1) I have three Beautiful Healthy children for whom I absolutely adore and cherish... Their mischievous ways remind me every day that they are not only human, but intelligent and special to every last cell in their body!
2) A wife who, appears to the world to be every bit as quirky as I am, and for that I am super grateful since she is utterly the best match for me possible and also the most understanding wife on the planet. She has helped care for two of my blood relatives, put up with many family heartaches, and given selflessly to her children time and time again.
3) While I may complain to the world about the aches and pains associated with Celiac, I am a rather healthy individual. I mean so what if I have a "restricted" diet, I also had a complete physical not more than 4 months ago. Complete with a doctors finger up my ass and of all things a compliment on how healthy my prostate seems to be.
4) The crisp morning air, and the many many things I get to photograph each and every day. Each object or situation put there right in my path without exception so that I may notice it. I wonder how many things I didn't notice today...
5) Many friends from past and present who support me and don't need to understand every detail of my life, but who are there to pick me up when I'm feeling down and out...
I could go on all day you know... but those are some of the most important things to me...
Ohhhh, now I must go plug in my camera, I think I got some fantastic night shots of the CN tower, I'll post them to crackbook soon enough, perhaps after a lengthy nap! YAWWWWWWWN!
OK I came back, here's the one photo I took this morning that really excited me... it's beautiful! Was taken from inside the hospital, through the window BAH HUMBUG, but it turned out ok...
Cheers!
So to briefly recap my current stresses but not to dwell on them...
1) I am the main support person for my mother who is on a transplant list. The journey has thus far been much more intense than I had originally dreamed.
2) I have an uncle who, to say the least is in my opinion still a threat to society. I have just confirmed a rumor that I heard about the parole hearing itself. I have from a good source and someone who was at the hearing that the parole board asked Harold if he would be a threat to society if he is released. And while the words are not exact he said something to the effect of "some of the things he would have to do in order to not re-offend are things like avoid being around schools, not looking at porn and being careful of what he watches on tv" I mean HOLY CRAP people why didn't this set off alarm bells?
3) My employment situation for the past couple months has been bleak with the intense medical appointments and my current state of health.
4) within one year I have lost 3 people who were dear to me. Long time friend Marilyn Seeley (Cancer), My dear auntie Nadia Smeltzer (cancer), and my Grandmother whom I was also primary care giver for.
So what could I possibly be happy about then? what keeps me going? Well, plenty of things...
1) I have three Beautiful Healthy children for whom I absolutely adore and cherish... Their mischievous ways remind me every day that they are not only human, but intelligent and special to every last cell in their body!
2) A wife who, appears to the world to be every bit as quirky as I am, and for that I am super grateful since she is utterly the best match for me possible and also the most understanding wife on the planet. She has helped care for two of my blood relatives, put up with many family heartaches, and given selflessly to her children time and time again.
3) While I may complain to the world about the aches and pains associated with Celiac, I am a rather healthy individual. I mean so what if I have a "restricted" diet, I also had a complete physical not more than 4 months ago. Complete with a doctors finger up my ass and of all things a compliment on how healthy my prostate seems to be.
4) The crisp morning air, and the many many things I get to photograph each and every day. Each object or situation put there right in my path without exception so that I may notice it. I wonder how many things I didn't notice today...
5) Many friends from past and present who support me and don't need to understand every detail of my life, but who are there to pick me up when I'm feeling down and out...
I could go on all day you know... but those are some of the most important things to me...
Ohhhh, now I must go plug in my camera, I think I got some fantastic night shots of the CN tower, I'll post them to crackbook soon enough, perhaps after a lengthy nap! YAWWWWWWWN!
OK I came back, here's the one photo I took this morning that really excited me... it's beautiful! Was taken from inside the hospital, through the window BAH HUMBUG, but it turned out ok...
Cheers!
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