Digital Humbuggery!

A life sentence for all of us!

2012-01-07T10:39:00.001-05:00

Anyone who was affected by my Uncle either directly or indirectly knows how it makes you feel so helpless every time you hear his name... And pardon me for being a bit of a rude boy but karma's a fucking bitch... Deal with it! You murder someone and change the course of so many people's lives through your sickness, then you host a pity party for yourself because you can't get a job? Oh my God! Society refuses to have anything to do with you because your life's value is a negative integer, and you continue to portray a sorry man? One who really feels bad about what he's done... What about the rest of us? What about the ones who you abused, and the woman whom you took her daughter from? Or the sister and brother who remember the days when laughter and giggles from their sibling at the playground were part of their lives...

Your a pedophile, always will be and I am so sick of hearing about you in the news and on facebook but I just have to tell my side of it and some day it will be all there out in the open, for now the media is helping to keep an eye on you and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate the help!

Calgary Herald Article by Sherri Zickefoose Jan 7, 2012

I live nearly 4000km away from him yet I still physically shake when this kind of media surfaces. I see the look in my wife's eyes when I try to talk about it and I can tell that it's not easy for me by the expressions she gives... The only reason I have never sought out justice for what he did to me is because when I hear his name I feel like the helpless little boy he altered mentally some thirty plus years ago. It is my loved ones who suffered more than I though, through the shame and sense of imprisonment they felt as they tried to go on with their lives. I have buried two of the closest people in my life in the past couple years and I saw first hand what they went through. My mother and grandmother were both affected to the core of their very being by this event. And in my own mind I struggle with the thought that I could have just as easily been the one he drowned then discarded in a neighbours garbage can. After all, I was there in the same house, I also went for rides in that wagon, the one he used to carry her lifeless body to where the police found her. I was also with him when he was arrested, I'll never forget how, well how he just looked so damn relieved. It was as though he was glad to finally be arrested, no more looking over his shoulder... Or so he thought...

My mother, who I loved so much... I lost her to a long battle with a genetic illness in 2011, and since then I feel I can freely blog like this. I had previously bit my tongue even though there were many things I wanted to say, but couldn't live with myself if I caused her more pain with all this verbal venting.... She already hated what he did but felt it was her duty as a good sister to support him... She kept in contact with him by telephone and he made a promise to her that he would never do anything to hurt anyone ever again...

Looks like you may have dropped the ball on this one eh uncle?

All Hell Broke Loose In My Eyes...

2011-12-14T19:12:00.000-05:00

March 28, 2011 at 2:36pm was by far the worst day of my life... Why you ask? Well anyone who knows me, and I mean really knows me... Knows that my mother Dorothy was the closest person in my life... And since that day, the day she died I held my chin up and really just tried to move on cause that's what I am suppose to do right?

Well tonight at 6:00pm a PBS broadcast caught my eye as I flipped through the channels on the television shortly after eating my supper... My wife still at work, my kids at their Aunt and Uncles, just me and a good ol' PBS documentary. I love these types of shows because I always find it interesting to see how other people live, other places in the world... The strange things people did etc... However this time, for the first time in my life the documentary was about me.... No not me specifically but about transplant patients, their families and also the health care providers...

As I watched and related to what the doctors were saying and hearing the families say the very same things I said, even asked the same questions etc... I began to tear up... Finally by about 20 minutes into it I found myself on the floor in my home next to the dog and I was whaling, I thought at one point that someone might hear me and call the police thinking someone in the home was hurt.... I've never cried like that in my entire life...

I miss my mom more than words can describe, and the only thing that could be worse would be to lose any of my immediate family... My mental state would be hard pressed to deal with that so lets just make sure they are safe and sound...

I am so glad that my children were not here to witness the bawling... I love them and their support but I really just felt that it had to happen... I had to let it out, I've been holding it inside since her passing...

I am literally only days away from facing the first Christmas in 39 years without my mother... It's tearing me up inside and I hope I won't once again be reduced to a quivering mass of bawling old guy thinking about it... My wife's mother is visiting for Christmas and I am happy that she is in town, but at the same time, her being here continuously reminds me that my mother is not here... Not at all her fault, just circumstantial.

Anyhow I just wanted to let that out, the part about being a whimpering baby that is... I've also been avoiding writing a letter of thanks to all the nurses etc at the hospital that cared for my mom... I think in the early new year I will have to put pen to paper... Errrr.. I mean carbon contact to copper and type out the message... It may even help me to feel better about losing the lady who gave me life, who raised me and might I say that most gentle and respectful lady I have ever known...

That's all for now...

Can't sleep

2011-07-22T04:10:00.001-04:00

My wife woke me up at about 3 o'clock am. I could hear her fussing around with the alarm clock. I asked her what she was doing, i got a groggy reply, "I'm setting the time again. What time do you wake up? 6:30am right?" I am sure with this heat wave all the air conditioners in the GTA have taken a bite out of the system...

Ughhh... so now, thoughts begin to flow, about the day ahead etc.

I'd say its time for a snack, what do you think?

Playin with my droid...

2011-07-20T20:25:00.001-04:00

The android operating system is of course linux based which certainly helped in my decision to purchase a tablet based on it... And even moreover it does some revolutionary things that even the blackberry gaybook can't claim to do even half as well... The google voice actions and voice recognition are amazing and the tablet is just plain fun... For the average geek it's a real treat...

I shouldn't be surprised really.

2011-07-18T07:57:00.001-04:00

So having stumbled accross the eblogger for android, here i am again. on my android.Yesterday, I had to reflash the ROM on my android phone becau se i carelessly deleted some system files and could no longer boot.

Strange world indeed... The universe brought me back...

As snug as a bug in a rug.

2011-04-25T23:39:00.001-04:00

Ok, so here I am, laying in bed using my new android tablet to make a blog.

Every once in a while a new technology comes around that impresses me, but this one really takes the cake! The android operating system is like the iphone on steroids and with a really big hard on too...

Anyhow, I am not typing this out, no need too... Cause the android understands english far better than a lot of people I know. I really never thought I would see a day when all I would do is speak to my phone.

Eyes are gluing themselves shut now... Very sleepy... Must sleep... Zzzzzzzzz, ZZzzzzzzz

The day has finally come...

2011-03-30T21:17:00.000-04:00

I knew the day would come, but I wished it would always be in the future...

On Monday, March 28, 2011 at 2:36pm my brother and I wept softly as my mother drifted from our world to the next.... Despite having roughly three times the lethal level of CO2 in her blood she was in a lucid state most of the time able to answer questions and even laugh with us...

It was the most peaceful event, almost completely painless and with the opportunity for us to say our good byes and re-enforce our love for our mother... The only way I could describe it is complete tenderness...

My mother battled with Alpha1-Antitripsin deficiency for nearly 20 years... After the 18th year she received a double lung transplant from a donor unknown to us. That donor and their family gave my mom the opourtunity to live two years past her original due date, and returned 100 percent quality of life to the first year after transplant. For that I am eternally grateful...

Oh sure, I have many regrets as we all do... But I am willing to forget about all of those and focus on my future with my amazing wife and kids...

To my wife, I owe everything now... She loved my mother every bit as much as I do, she nurtured her as if she were her own mother. My kids were ultimately the rock where I turned to for strength in all this... And my brother who's timely arrival allowed us to both give my mom all the love and respect that she deserved... If you were not or are not close to your parents, you will never understand... For my Brother and I we could never repay her for all the amazing sacrifices she did for us... We were not a rich family growing up... My mother scraped by with this and that, and even slept in the living room on the couch because her boys needed the two rooms that were in our childhood home. A home that was free of worry because my mom took care of every necessity we had. For the times when she would go on little or no food so that we could eat, and would be alright with it... Or the way she never spoke badly about anyone including my father after their breakup... She just simply said, you will come to understand as you grow up...

My Dear "Mommy" I will love and miss you forever, but I will hold steadfast the moral values and intelligence you instilled in us. You "ARE" the best mommy two boys could have ever had...

My mother, was very organized and kept everything that would and could become a memory some day... We never really looked into her stuff while she lived with us, but now that we are going through it looking for insurance papers etc we have been finding papers/books with notes and poems scattered all throughout... Poems that tell us how she feels about people and events in her life... She did this for our comfort and knew we would find them sooner or later... What an amazing gift this is to me.. I will cherish them forever and will share them with all of her grand children and my brother...

Day two...

2011-03-21T11:02:00.000-04:00

Sunday morning, we, the family get ready in Brampton to go visit nanna.... Our expectation is that she will be groggy and unable to speak because of the intubation.... But despite this we hope to be able to wake her up and calm her down etc.... So away we go in the car... Grab a little Macdonalds for breakfast and head down to the hospital...

Nanna no longer looks grey and void of life... The color is back in her flesh and she is not cold to the touch in her hands and feet... But she is, completely sedated... They sedated her because the fussing and panic can be really bad when you have a tube in your lungs helping you breat, and a central line in your neck going to your heart, not to mention the dozens of other tubes bringing fluid to and from every function of your body...

All day though, she remains sleepy and un wakeable despite the discontinuued sedation.

I finally take the family home at 7pm and we get a night of restles sleep...

Full circle.

2011-03-20T11:38:00.001-04:00

I sit here, 10th floor just outside the MSICU department with my family... I'll upload a photo later, but basically it's a large waiting room for families who have loved ones in the critical care units. In a lot of ways it reminds me of a jail... You need to phone when you want to enter and they dictate when and how you can visit etc...

My life is changing again... My yesterday was full of tomorrows... What's gonna happen to us? where we gonna be? How we gonna cope with what's going on....   The tears flowed from my eyes as I begged for hugs from my kids and wife.  My body quaked.. And my mind spun around at an alarming rate...

No, this wasn't a scene from the latest horror movie the teens all want to see... It was the brutal reality that my mother is very sick, so sick in fact that she is now in ICU and we are not sure what the outcome will be. We are taking it one step at a time... I have not spoken to my mom since Friday night when I said good night to her and asked her to try to get a good sleep so we can decide if we are going to take her back to the doctors or not. I went to bed exhausted from the week and was thinking this weekend we would take the usual step and bring her to Emerg at TGH so that she could be put on IV antibiotics because the oral ones are not doing anything to help her... But as per usual, things didin't go as planned...

I'll explain yesterday in as condensed form as possible...

I woke up at 8:18am realized that my wife was getting ready for work... So as usual I made my way up to my mothers bed room to begin the waking process... The past few days it had been getting difficult to wake her. Extra groggy and generally just not making sense. "Good morning mom, wakey wakey..." No response.... Her hearing has been a bit poor lately so I tried again "Mom, wake up lazy bones..." Grumble grumble was my reply... A nonsense response so I was worried... A few gentle taps on the shoulder and she began to come around she turned and looked at me briefly, as I walked away I said "you rest mamma you had a rough night again." At athat point I went to the timmies to get the women of the house their daily coffee... Extra large double doubles... Also to drive my wife to work...   When I returned I once again tried to wake her but she just wouldn't... Just grumbles and moans. I asked her to sit up and she did, but then things started turning sour from there... she was losing consciousness... I could see she was choking on her own sputum and the color of it was horrid... I grabbed a kleenex and asked her to spit into it as I passed the phone to my daughter with 911 already entered but understandably my daughter was too upset to complete the call so with phone in one hand, kleenex in the other and mom slumped over on my arm I spoke in a calm voice to the person on the other end.

"911 - Do you need Police, Fire or Ambulance?" "Ambulance please!", I reply...

I explain that my mom is post transplant by two years and she has been fighting an infection with antibiotics, but that her breating is very shallow and she is slumped over in my arms barely conscious.   "She's not answering my questions"

The person on the line is listening to me as I put the dogs in a secure location, she assures me that ambulance is on the way. I ask my mom to make a cough to get the sputum out and a few tries later out comes a blob of bright red goo... I tell the lady on the phone who I can now hear relaying some kind of special code over the radio for "Hurry the HELL UP!" and things get intense, for me... My composure still completly calm in appearance and very put together.... The list goes through my mind... Dogs are away, kids are up.. .Oh wait, my youngest boy is still at his friends from sleepover a few doors down... ok, that's now on my to do list... A few moments later I hear someone open the front door and say hello... "THE DOGS ARE LOCKED UP IT'S SAFE TO COME IN!", I say... "Thanks! Are you in the kitchen?" she says, and I answer promptly "YES!, I am holding my mother.   She comes into the bedroom followed by six other people, three fire department members and three other people who I think are paramedics.   Things from then on in become a blur to me but I do remember the So2 reading on the meter at 40 and the paramedic saying on her radio "Breathing is shallow, stats critical we are on our way!" Explaining the situation as best as I can to them and trying to remember this and that I am now beginning to fall apart because I realise that my mother is dying at this point... As we are leaving the house with my mom in a restraint she stops me hands on my shoulder and briefly relays the critical nature of this situation, a fact that I already knew. her next question blurs my mind but it is one that I knew the answer too from many conversations with my mother...   "Has your mother ever talked to you about her wishes? As far as being recussitated?" (pardon my spelling) I answer confidently, "Yes, she wants full recussitation! She has talked to us many times about this and also about what to do at the appropriate stage in her failures." She repeats to me what I said... "Ok, so your mom wants to be recussitated?" "Yes!" I answer... They rush away but not before she gets one more "I need you to understand that the situation does not look good at this time..."

--------------------------
(I need to return to MSICU right now so I will continue to blog about when we arrived at the hospital later)
___________________
I'm back... had a full day yesterday...
Today, two days later I am sitting in her room... The hospital provides free internet access which is totally amazing for me because I live next to a computer. 24 hours a day 7 days a week I am connected to the internet... It is my security blanket, and the way I communicate with the world...

So to continue with the story... There were no ICU beds available at the Brampton Civic hospital... A situation that I both expect and was happy about... Why happy? Well because, while Brampton civic would try very hard to help my mom.. They in fact saved her life, the nurse who intubated her did a great job at guessing the size of her lungs, and in fact was only out by about 3 percent... AMAZING!, and also life saving because if you guess the size wrong and start inflating too much you can burst the lung... As you can imagine that is a really bad scenario... But it did not happen and I am grateful to them for being right in their educated guess...

So, the Dr explains to me that there are no ICU beds and that they are contacting other hospitals to see which one would be able to take her in... I jump in and tell him that I will call Toronto General where she had the original transplant and make arrangements... So out comes my telephone and I make a call to the switch board since that is the only number I had available...

Well, instantly I am met with resistance when I ask them to have one of the lung transplant team call the Dr at brampton civic... "Sorry sir, but only a doctor can arrange a transfer, I can not help you... Get the doctor to call..." I explain to her that it is the doctor who I talked with and he thought it was a great idea, he even gave me his number and extension and printed his name so that someone could call him back... ER doctors are extremely busy and don't really have time to fuss about with this sort of clerical work... So frustrated, I hang up the phone but not before she lets slip out the name of the on call dr from the transplant team...

FANTASTIC... I get an idea in my head... I make another call.. This time it goes like this...

Switch Board: "Toronto General Hospital, how may I direct your call?"

Me: "Good morning, I am calling from the Brampton Civic Hospital, I need to have Dr _____ paged to the following number my name is Dr ________"

Switch Board: "Would you like to hold while I transfer you or do you still want Dr ______ Paged?"

Me: "Please page them for me thank you."

Switch Board: "OK Dr, I have paged Dr _____ to the number you provided, is there anything else I can help you with?"

Me: "No, thank you that is all..."

And I hang up... WOO HOO within 5 minutes The Brampton Dr got a call from the Toronto Dr and they arrange the transfer to the Toronto General Hospital... This I also consider a move that was critical in her care... After all, everything about my mom and her transplant including the actual size of the lungs in her chest is documented here...

Random ramblings etc...

2011-02-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

First off, check out the cool TV applet I added to the left column. If you click on the Play triangle at the bottom of it it will stream the NASA-HD channel which I totally think is cool!

A proper blog should be honest in all aspects shouldn't it? I mean, if your gonna write about your life and document day to day events. Shouldn't it be complete and honest? Even if it means that some of your viewers will be offended? I ponder this now and again and find that I leave a lot out of my blogging that should be said. Left out for one reason or another... I guess I am too cautious... I do know that in my life I have gone through stages, I guess everyone has them... You know, toddler/child/preteen/teen/adult etc... but if you break it down further you find that you have other sections of your life... For me it's more related to responsibilities, achievements, failures, regrets... These are things that I want to talk about in future blogs but feel that now is just not the right time.There is a very large event that happened to me when I was 8, I write about it periodically offline, the files stored somewhere on my computer's hard drive... I will release those to my blog when the time is right...

Occasionally I just send snippets of video to my blog, I will continue to send pictures etc.. And my family scrounged up enough money to by me the coolest "HTC smartphone" so photos and video will be of better quality on my blog now...

Next week, got an important interview at my son's school to place him in some special classes designed to opimize his talents... In the same day I will be going for a diabetes test that apparently takes two hours or more to complete... Yay me...

Last week at work was very difficult, work load increased two fold thanks to the snow day and some resource changes, but next week looks brighter and I've already put together a plan to make it work...

That's all for now, random snippets as of now...

Cellery stock

2011-01-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

Bored as hell so why not tell the world? Misery loves company...

My son, hand me down phone.

2011-01-22T18:51:00.000-05:00

Man, kids got it rough today... I mean, my hand me downs were legos and bell bottom pants with patches sewn into the knees. Kids today get phones and PSP game systems.

A Christmas befuddled, without the wine...

2010-12-31T06:49:00.002-05:00

On Friday December 24th, 2010, my wife's grandpa passed away. In his 90th year, I remember him only from the 6 years that I had the chance to know him. He had one of the brightest, most welcoming ways about him and I will miss him dearly. I will never forget the feel of his hand as I greeted him at family gatherings. The soft texture of his hand with firm grip, the slight giggle with his smile, and the cliche questions he always asked. "How's work going? Are you enjoying it? How's your mom doing?" Yet I do not view his passing as tragic in any way. I watched as my wife's family all came together as one unit, with smiles and laughter in the midst of periods of sadness. We all have regrets, we all have victories, and surely, we miss him already. But at the end of the day, the peaceful manor in which he departed in his sleep was a fitting end to a life in which I hold so much respect for.

My wife and I occasionally reflect on the time when we met, and the moments when we were young and growing close to each other. How faithful and strong a family unit should be, the long term commitment that is so rare these days. These and many more examples reflected in the life of her grand parents. I remember early on in my relationship with her, how she respected and loved the way her grand parents lived up to their commitment. She told me flat out that this was the kind of life she expected, and that I was going to be the one to deliver it.

And so I say... To my dear wife...

We have only just begun, so many years ahead....

Bring it on, I welcome the challenge with open arms!

A-EON Reveals AmigaOne X1000 Processor Through Cake.

2010-12-31T06:19:00.000-05:00

It's taken far too long for this to develop, but after 25 years I guess another year isn't much of a bump...

(A few moments ago, a woman appeared at my doorstep with a package for me. Since it was about 19:30, I was a little perplexed - this isn't a very usual time to be delivering packages. Also, this was a woman who I've seen walking around town before - she's a local. She handed over the package, and when I saw the note on top, I was even more intrigued: "From Trevor Dickinson, A-EON Technology".)

READ THE FULL STORY...
http://www.osnews.com/story/24151/A-EON_Reveals_AmigaOne_X1000_Processor_Through_Cake

Is The Commodore Amiga really returning after 25 years?

2010-10-09T23:48:00.000-04:00

CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT THE NEW

"Amiga X1000"

Nice photo of my daughter and my Mom!

2010-09-12T14:24:00.001-04:00

Found this camera on my phone today, wasn't looking for it and I did not take the picture. My daughter being the kind hearted girl she is, spent the day at the hospital with her nanna and I guess they were bored. They had my camera that day and well, I am glad because I love this picture!

2010-09-05T00:24:00.000-04:00

My Daughter and I finally got around to building the electronic kit her Uncle Mike sent her. We had a lot of fun and I think we learned a thing or two about electronics...

big fun when you have two boys!

2010-08-21T19:25:00.005-04:00

TWO BOYS + 1 Proximate PLUS Stapler =

Waiting for the doctor...

( O U C H ! )

This is what happens when your teen and preteen boys get into a wrestling match in the neighbors house. We are now sitting in emerg waiting for stitches. Great way to spend a saturday night dont you think? At least he is in good spirits!

(FRANKEN-JAYDEN)

And 4 hours later we are on our way home to finally have some dinner...

Once again, I remind you that this was a fantastic way to spend a Saturday night... Sure beats relaxing in front of the TV :) All well, "Boys will be boys!"

Now I need to wake them up and prepare them for the big appology visit at the neighbor's door step... "Sorry for fighting in your home... It was " I know for sure they will not be allowed to visit when they are together...

Mom's Bronchoscopy Day

2010-08-17T15:25:00.015-04:00

Obviously when you get a transplant of any kind there are risks, serious risks that well no one wants to admit... In my mom's case she is having trouble shaking the aspergillis fungus that is in her lungs... It's really been rough for her, all the while my kids, wife and I are aware of the dangers but trying to go on like it's no biggie and well, just generally waiting for the right combination of drugs and will power to knock this thing on it's ass...

Video quality is poor but, well my phone is a cheap chinese phone what can I say... When I get an Iphone some day you'll get fantastic HD images of my life.. WOO HOO!!!, actually it's quite alright, the idea is not to show you all the gore in my life but to share with you a moment which I found difficult.. In this case, sitting next to my mom at a bronchoscopy appointment knowing full well that it should have taken 3 hours not the 9 that we had to endure... When things go well it's quick and easy, but this time we were told to wait for the doctor and that means something is wrong...

yay, toronto

2010-08-17T13:27:00.001-04:00

watching airplanes

2010-08-08T21:43:00.001-04:00

fun stuff

'Pulmonary aspergilloma (mycetoma)'

2010-07-29T20:31:00.000-04:00

Well, we finally have the answer as to why some of the worlds strongest antibiotics and antivirals were not working... Seems, all that scarring and inflamation in her lungs is being caused by 'Pulmonary aspergilloma (mycetoma)'.

Don't know what the hell it is? Well until today I had only heard it mentioned one other time... That time was during an interview with the pre transplant coordinator at the TGH. She explained to us that this is a fungus that exists pretty much everywhere around us, but thrives in certain areas such as inside vacuums, carpets etc... Also found in basements etc but especially in bird poop etc...

Looks like my wife and I may have to rip out all the carpets in our house (upper floor only) and replace it all with easy to clean hard flooring... Not such a bad idea and I think we can write off the expenses because it is being done for the health benefit of my mother who is one of our dependants...

What a crazy world we live in, solve one problem, find another one to deal with... Such is life eh?

Oh, also the starter is dying on our car... Part is ordered and will be ready for them to replace by next Thursday... Thankfully still under warranty!

Cheers!

I pee!

2010-07-26T16:32:00.001-04:00

does putting a sleeping persons hand in warm water really make you pee?

square one again?

2010-07-26T16:26:00.001-04:00

it seems, my mom is feeling down today. And with good reason. She's back on oxygen, and still fighting some strand of infection. So here we sit, waiting over two hours for a visit from the doctors. 《sigh》

my daughters hampster mobile

2010-07-17T10:59:00.001-04:00

her future car perhaps?

when o when will her shopping end?

2010-07-17T10:33:00.001-04:00

Can you say, kia driving soccer dad?

fresh produce

2010-07-13T19:02:00.001-04:00

Our local fortinos supermarket

lunch at taco time

2010-07-12T12:22:00.001-04:00

yay, lunch

just testing!

2010-07-11T10:45:00.002-04:00

So now I have mobile blogging set up, look out world eh? ha ha ha no need to panic, I really just wanted a better way to share my mobile world with you. so here goes nothing!
Apparently I was holding my phone wrong,
**Sorry Bout The Sideways Video**

Dear Donor Family, (Just Thought You Should Know)

2010-07-10T21:02:00.000-04:00

     Saying “Thank You!” these two words seem so insufficient for the gift of life you have given to me. This simple fact made it so hard for me to write this letter to you before today however I knew that I simply must write something. You deserve so much more than just words, and between each new breath that I take, I will attempt to convey with words what this has all meant to me.

     Several years ago I was diagnosed with a genetic illness that would gradually destroy my lungs and possibly my liver. My only symptoms at that early stage was shortness of breath and so my mind struggled with the idea that this would progressively get worse and would never be cured. I was a physically active person who took care of my health, and in fact I had never even owned a car in my life as I have always enjoyed walking or taking public transit to get where I need to be. I continued on with my life and sure enough as the diagnosis indicated years earlier, my health deteriorated to the point where I could no longer breath on my own. My quality of life came to a point where I could barely walk from our house to the family car in the driveway. For several years, I struggled with Oxygen bottles and medications that would help bring me temporary comfort but each task including simple ones was a struggle for breath. The doctors in the city where I was living told me transplantation was not a good option for me. Logistically the area just didn't see many transplants and of the ones they did see, success seemed low. Then, with the help of my family I found myself living in an entirely new place. This place was within reach of a network of hospitals that deal with many transplants every year and has a very high rate of success. My new doctors began to tell a different story. They began to give me hope through the possibility of transplant.

     With all the pieces of the puzzle in place for me to receive the gift of life, there only remained one very special and single most important component. A caring person and family to make a crucial decision at a time when their loss is so great. Your decision to do this has meant so much to me, and while I offer my deepest sympathy for your loss, mere words from a stranger, but heartfelt. My family and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your generous donation. Forever more, our families merge in a special way. Your loss, giving hope to my family, the gift for me almost inconceivable but I assure you well received. The only thing I knew about my donor family is that they were kind, caring, compassionate and very generous. For me now, this new gift means my quality of life has been restored and I can now hug, and be hugged by my family and friends.

     I feel that each new day, each new breath for me holds endless possibilities. The horizons that surround me are no longer boundaries but new destinations. I am excited by what I can do now and will do everything in my power to Honor your precious gift to me. I want you to know, not a day, hour or minute goes by when I don't think of you and your loved one. Each breath reminds me that life is so precious and I will cherish your gift for the rest of my life. I only hope that when you read this you found some comfort in knowing that you have helped so many others in their time of need.

"Thank You!", a grateful recipient.

Blah Dazical...

2010-06-26T15:04:00.001-04:00

During the week I am enjoying the perks of my new job... Using my brain instead of my muscles and it's a really nice change... The weekends are completely free for me now. Instead of sleeping the entire weekend in an attempt to recover from a week worth of night shifts, I am enjoying my relaxation time in front of the keyboard or doing stuff with the kids...

What a change it has been!

I thank God for the privileges I have received in the past month, I could not have done it without a little divine intervention.

The interviewing process itself took over a month to complete, three visits to the board room and one personality profile later I found myself being introduced to a bunch of new people. The stress was unbelievable!

For the first time in my life I am able to use my skills and aptitude in a team, doing exactly what I want to do.... Hands on at a workbench of my own, building, designing, and helping a team assemble and make pretty, a bunch of electronics ranging from basic switches to complex relay switching boards and controllers that use RS232 serial connections to a computer.

Here is a photo of my new workbench, anyone that knows me knows that this is exactly my kind of habitat...

Damage from Toronto's 5.0 earthquake 2010

2010-06-26T08:30:00.000-04:00

I felt woozy, wasn't sure what it was... Turned out it was an earthquake...

I was in Mississauga at my workplace when it happened... My wife's Uncle shared a photo showing the devastation that happened in Toronto as a result so I thought I'd share it with you!

Please, for the love of peanut butter, go buy your "I survived the Toronto Earthquake 2010" T-Shirt HERE

Hehehehe, ok well at least I found it funny!

Happy or Sad, which one is it?

2010-06-12T06:56:00.004-04:00

Every once in a while, a day or event comes up that should be an extremely happy one. It was my mom's 69th birthday yesterday June 11th and I'm referring to her natural birthday. Her 2nd birthday we have reserved for the day she received her double lung transplant, February 15th. This brought her A gift that made it possible for her to see more of these natural birthdays...

And so...

After a long stressful first week at a new job I am heading home thinking about the day, thinking about a nice birthday bbq dinner I will prepare with my kids, and just generally enjoying the evening with my mom... All is well, the dinner is excellent, there's laughter and general time spending etc, then the time comes for the cake...

"I'll go get Nibbles!", my young boy says... He knows his pet rat is sick and wants him to join in on the fun... I promptly go to the refrigerator to be ready to present our little friend with some cucumber and just as I pick it up my son comes running into the room screaming. "NIBBLES IS DEAD!"... My heart sinks as I scoop up my son into my arms... My boy screaming "NO! NO! NO!".

So at least at this point, the birthday cake is a bust... Having already sang the traditional birthday song to my mom the only thing left to do is pack up the cake and put it in the fridge, uneaten we will try to salvage it on the following day... We then changed our focus from the birthday, to the back yard where we will bring Nibbles to his final resting spot...

Life is a trip sometimes...
But we will move on, as we always do in our family... And as a family we will be strong...

Today, I will take nanna and the kids bowling, sounds like fun!

Rest well Nibbles my friend... We will miss you!

Jumping the gun

2010-05-09T01:09:00.002-04:00

UPDATE*** I wrote this post a day ago and honestly had not been tethered for at least a day prior to that. I got a call from wind tech support, a really helpful guy explained to me that they had repaired something on their network and wanted to know if I have experienced any improvement.... Well, I had to be honest and tell him that I had not been tethered for a bit and so after getting off the phone with him I hooked up... YAY!!! They seem to have fixed the problem entirely!

WAY TO GO WIND!

HIGH FIVE!!!

So this top bit is simply an edit to the previous post aptly named "JUMPING THE GUN"

Cheers!

_______________________________________________________

It's been roughly one month since signing up with Wind mobile... And dispite some glitches, I have gone and purchased another phone... How the heck could I refuse? I mean here I am a month after purchasing the first phone at $150, a Huawei phone pronounced "oo-Wah-Way" plus the 45 dollar all you can eat plan. Then wind's website announces they have cut the voice plans by 50 percent for the next six months... WHAT??? So I now have a second wind phone, also a Huawei not the touch screen model. The monthly plan on this new phone including my unlimited text add on is going to cost me 12 dollars per month for the next 6 months... after that it will go back to the regular rate of 15 dollars plus the 5 dollar add on... 20 bucks for basic cell phone service, Wind you've impressed me again!~ The Voice plan on it works great when in a wind home zone and when signal strength is high. however in fringe areas like inside Lowes or Rona hardware stores the phone is not so good. My basement also seems to present a challenge, but I suspect that is just par for the course when setting up a new cell phone network from scratch...

I have decided after much debate that I will cancel the unlimited data plan at the end of the month until they get their data towers in my local area working properly. The constant disconnects when tethered to my laptop is enough to make me want to rip my hair out... I have not tested the data tether in other locations since I really just work from home, but from what I've been told by tech support and their top customer service representatives they are planning to have a new tower in the fringe areas of my city before summers end. And that is when I will begin paying for the unlimited data plan again... Until then, there really isn't much point. I like my hair, and would really like to keep it out of the keyboard and on my head!

Now to comment on customer service with this company...

My first gripes were not with the voice service, even though it suffers a bit in fringe areas. My big beef was with the data plan... So I made a few calls to first level tech support and got nowhere, was beginning to get frustrated. Then I started to blog about it and posted a link to the said blog on wind's website, chat/forum whatever... Well being a geek and twitter head I began to talk with my friends about the problems on twitter and facebook etc, and very efficiently someone from wind picked up on the conversation and asked me to give it another chance. So I called tech support and spent more of my time trying to work out the bugs... Through a few patient phone calls and some detailed emails I was directed to higher customer service. I want to add that every front end tech support person at wind was extremely polite and quite intelligent while reading their flow chart type guides... "Have you tried turning your computer off, then on again sir?" Along the entire journey though, I was kept informed about areas they are working on and things I should try on my end. Over all I was satisfied with their customer care department. I mean lets face it, all new staff trying to get a grip on this HUGE network of cell phones and of course lets not forget the more technical data plans... I give all the people at wind a serious high five for the way they handled my issues. This, even though the data issue isn't solved at this time. I am fully confident that they are working on it as they said and will correct the issue soon enough...

That being said, I will not pay 45 bucks per month for a laptop tether that just simply keeps disconnecting. Especially when I'm trying to keep up with the latest episode of Kirstie Alley's Big Life...

That's all for now,
And I do recommend that you go ahead and buy that wind phone. They are a great company so far going through some growing pains. But it sure does satisfy me to tell the other big companies where to shove their outragrously expensive phone service...

Cheers!

Wind mobile review...

2010-04-04T04:13:00.001-04:00

OK so it has been around two weeks now since we purchased a "wind mobile" phone. Our initial impression was that of excitement... Finally a cell phone company with flat rates just like a home phone. Now having read a lot of forums from existing customers I had the impression that the call quality and reliability would be crappy. People complaining of dropped calls etc. Well we have had this phone for a few weeks and regularily make calls to about 5 different locations throughout Canada and have not had a single dropped voice call. The voice part of things seems to be really great at least from where I am here in Ontario, could be some areas still don't have good coverage.

Now that being said, we also decided to try the unlimited data plan for an extra 35 dollars... Well I barely left wind's store when I got my first "Cannot Find Server" error. Promptly I went back and sure enough when they tried to visit a site it went the first time... So I left the store and continued to play with the phone while my wife shopped through the mall etc. Youtube this, Email that... Seems to work pretty good but occasionally it woud not be able to find the server dispite having 4 and 5 bar signal strength and the 3G symbol in the upper left of the phone's screen.

My original intention for getting the unlimited data plan was of course not so I could surf on a tiny almost unreadable screen, I wanted to tether it to my laptop for real day to day use. This is something that I have been dreaming of doing for over a decade, the possibilities are endless for me. Anything from email on the go to a fully connected entertainment system for the car. Streaming webcam from the car etc... All kinds of fun things a hobbiest like myself could dream up. But that dream, at least until Wind fixes there network may be on hold. You see, I am writing this blog with my newly tethered Hauwei phone, and being the middle of the night the connection has been solid for the past three hours with no disconnects. However night after night I have proven to myself that during the day the tethering is almost unusable with disconnects happening anywhere from 5 seconds after connect to 10 minutes. But at night after midnight it seems to work great (Good thing I work at night eh?)... A window of about 8 hours when I can use the tethering feature undisturbed...

I hope Wind gets... Ehem ... WIND of this blog and fixes the problem because I would really like to keep my monthly data plan with them and continue using their fast 3G network...

And it is fast, considering it's a phone connection I am still able to download large files at around 300kbps which I would say is reasonable. Not sure what the upload rate is, can't be very good but who cares about upload, i'm not planning on running a porn server from the trunk of my car..... Hmmmm, woud that actually make money???

J/k, I'll write more reviews on my Experiences, so far I would say their unlimited voice plan deserves a thumbs up, kicks monkey butt... However the data plan needs a little work on their part...

Cheers!

A quick Peeve about television...

2010-03-31T08:35:00.000-04:00

Ever notice that you could be watching a show, and then when a commercial comes on, suddenly the volume seems to have increased to an annoyingly BLASTING level?

Well, I've entertained a theory about this since I was a teenager... I always just figured that this was intentional on the television networks side. Think about it! When do you get up to take pee breaks?, Or to take that drink cup to the sink/dishwasher? During commercials right? So naturally it makes sense from a broadcasters perspective to try to keep your attention on the television. That last ditch effort for them to grab your attention with a familiar jingle etc... Hoping you will buy their products etc...

Just a thought!

Phitter_Phatter, Lets Get At Er...

2010-03-22T14:34:00.001-04:00

So my wife and I settled in on the couch together to watch Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night. I loved the commercials before hand and had been pestering my wife to remind me to watch it so there we were watching. Kirstie, seems like any other mom in this world, most of them seem unhappy with something or other to me. But in her case she has chosen to turn things around and bring herself and hopefully millions of others to a happy weight/state in their lives... I think this is a fabulous idea... I remember Kirstie while I was a teenager in shows like Cheers and movies like look who's talking... She was skinny and energetic. I think this whole thing is is inspiring... And at any weight I think she's beautiful but if fitting into a hot dress once again will make her happy then I'm all for it!

That being said, She's got a line of health products on the go and more interestingly to me she has managed to create her own social network called Phitter.com which of course centers around the whole idea of being... well, Phitter :) The graphics and one eye'd critters make the site feel fun and inviting. In a sea of already ample time consuming social networks only time will tell if this becomes a major hit...

All in all, I think it will be a good thing for everyone around her. She's a positive, happy person and we all like to be around those sorts of people right? ...

Cheers!
(NO Phun Intended)

Riding the "WIND" of Change...

2010-03-15T06:00:00.007-04:00

Anyone close to my family knows that it can be a real bugger to get a hold of us... Well, that's primarily because 8 months ago I received a whopping 600 dollar phone and internet services bill that I just couldn't afford to pay. This was the straw that broke the camels back and coincidentally it put my previously excellent credit in the shit house. The major cell phone companies have a knack for beating up on ordinary people's credit by wrongfully charging peoples accounts then leaving it up to the customer to spend unholy hours on the phone with billing departments and rude credit departments to try to rectify the situation. Bottom line in all this is that they just don't give a rats ass if your in over your head with 600 dollar bills, I'm suppose to pay them more than a weeks pay to get one or two months worth of phone and internet because of some billing screw up? Ughhhh, get it together people...

In our family we have 4 Cell phones active and even more sitting inactive in a drawer in the kitchen, All pay as you go, and all so outrageously expensive that we just simply avoid using them unless we really need to. I use my cell phone more than anyone else here does, but even I limit my conversations to mostly textual means... This is for a couple reasons, one being, why talk when you can text? :) I am so used to conversing with people by text, having been using the internet for conversations since the early 80's. Even before the internet when I was a kid using the K12 dial up networks and BBS's to send and receive messages...

And so at that point of despair when we had to decide internet and "home phone" just wasn't as important as oh, lets say.... taking our kids to the movies, or to the mall to buy them some new clothes... I had to get creative if I wanted to ride out the recession. To make a really long story short I won't go into detail about most of it but as far as internet goes, I found a clever and secure way to receive internet on a router by reprogramming it's software to not just broadcast the network but to pick it up from multiple sources at the same time and provide me with decent enough speeds to read my email or write in my blog etc... I know, family have said to me... "Open wifi? Aren't you afraid you'll be hacked?" My answer is usually plain and unamusing since I just simply don't want to go into detail and explain. However the long and short of it is that along with this modified hardware I was able to set up a proxy in the US on a server that I trust whereby all traffic from my house network is piped to this server through an encrypted connection before it actually gets out onto the real network. HAHAHAHAHA, Did I just geek out of you there? I know and trust this US server and have been using it for over a decade, almost two in fact. So that took care of the network side of things for me. As far as telephone goes, I thought HEY I'll just simply set up a VoIP phone... Works in theory, and in fact sometimes it works flawlessly. However Encrypting every ounce of data that flows out of our house before it actually gets on to the internet has it's drawbacks and it has proved to be simply too much for voip. It is also a challenge when trying to view streaming video etc without a whole lot of buffering as it causes delays, breakups and just a whole myriad of problems. These problems with our home phone have our family thinking we just don't want to talk with them... But it's not true! we love them all, and while we may be a bit awkward we want to keep in contact with them near and far...

So what did we do to fix it? We have already told our entire family and network of friends that our new VoIP phone number is and will remain our home phone number. Ughhh, we don't want to change the number again but have to find a solution to our little phone problem...

There is a new phone company in town... A cell phone company in fact... So we decided to ride the "Wind" of change.. or rather, the "Wind Mobile" of change... They have only been in our local market for a few months and have their own set of issues to deal with but I think it's a good time to give them a chance, I encourage you all to do the same... You have to buy a phone outright, there are no silly plans and a somewhat limited choice of phones however it's the flat rate All accross canada "unlimited" calling that got my nubs in an uproar... We purchased one of these phones today as a family and decided to try it at our house as a house phone replacement, but we also have the flexibility to take it mobile when we go on our little family adventures etc... And for our frustrated family members, we will keep our VoIP number forwarded so you don't even have to change your contact lists... But this time the call should come through any time of day or night... Don't forget to leave a message :)

I am not sure how wind mobile will fair in the market but I do know that I have already seen a 10 cent per minute reduction in my existing pay as you go phone, which I assume has something to do with the new market competition...

I will blog every once in a while to report on Wind Mobile's reliability etc, hopefully it works out but for a flat rate monthly and the ability to call anyone in Canada for as long as we want I think this may be the cell phone revolution we have all been waiting for. I am excited to be part of it!

Where there is Energy, there is life...

2010-03-07T05:49:00.000-05:00

During world war I, it is believed that Lieutenant-Colonel William Casey said "There are no atheists in foxholes". The aphorism indicates that in times of extreme stress or fear, such as warfare, all people will believe in or hope for a higher power.

I certainly can not claim to have endured this type of extreme stress, my desensitized media view of war is all I have to claim. War for me has been nothing more than news stories and the occasional conversation with grandparents and great uncles and aunts who have actually lived with the great wars. Life itself however is stressful on it's own no matter how you slice it. There are always times in your life when we feel destitute, perhaps distraught with the sense that things just can't be worse. The loss of a loved one, a pet, or hitting financial rock bottom when you have a family to feed and keep sheltered. These types of stresses in my own life have always seemed to bring with them that periodic search for a creator, God, or just some explanation for what is happening to me. It does seem at least in part that Lieutenant Colonel William Casey was right in assuming that we have a built in question about who we are.

But, what is the answer?

Well I don't know the answer, and I certainly don't understand the question really. I will also be so bold as to say that no man nor woman really truly understands the question for if you did, well if you did, you would simply just be your own creator. Life is to the very core more complex than our 3.5 pound brain can calculate. This I am sure of 100% and at the end of the day I put to you the very thought that "you do not need to know everything!" It is not important that you understand it all.

Does all life eventually question it's own existence? The Christians would have you believe that it is only man who seeks God, but really, this is not possible to verify this to any degree of certainty. The Latin word "Extraterrestrial" simply means outside or outwards from earth or not originating from earth. But in my own perspective I can only say that my position here on earth is relative and relevant only to me. From my own position as the observer I am the center of my own universe, and everything around me near and far is simply existing in their own micro or macro universe with me on the extraterrestrial side of their perspective. I am then, as alien to them as they are to me. But having said that, everything in and around me seems to be interconnected in some macro universe that all holds a purpose for everything around and through it.

The universe, to me, appears to be so vast that no amount of human knowledge can or will understand it fully. But are we mere creatures that have emerged under opportunistic circumstances. From a Biochemical, Evolutionary standpoint, it seems nonsensical to me to think that life is not possible somewhere else in what I view as an infinite space. If it is infinite, then there must be a chance for life somewhere else. Isn't it possible that where there is Energy, there is life? I believe that God has always existed and that the very universe is simply just part of God itself therefore we exist in the universe as part of God as a whole. This belief is not blind entirely, it is something that just makes sense. It is somewhat akin to the idea that we are not external to God but actually an integral part of what we call God. I guess that makes me a Pantheist.

Wikipedia says:

Pantheism is the view that the Universe (Nature) and God are identical,^[1] or that the Universe (including Nature on Earth) is the only thing deserving the deepest kind of reverence. The word derives from the Ancient Greek: πᾶν (pan) meaning "All" and θεός (theos) meaning "God" - literally "All is God." As such Pantheism promotes the idea that God is better understood as a way of relating to nature and the Universe as a whole - all that was, is and shall be - rather than as a transcendent, mental, personal or creator entity.^[2] Pantheists thus do not believe in a personal or creator god. Although there are divergences within Pantheism, the central ideas found in almost all versions are the Cosmos as an all-encompassing unity and the "sacredness" of Nature.

Have I just defined my religion? If so, it is newly defined to myself as well but perhaps it is exactly what I have done here. I have always believed in God but through all the conversations I have had with Christians, Jews, Muslims, Bhudists etc I could never quite place my finger on it so to speak. The very idea of Pantheism seems to follow the ideas that I feel are important while explaining somewhat the very foundation of the place where I physically exist.

Just a thought,
Don...

Inundated by flood waters...

2010-01-17T03:07:00.002-05:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am quite ignorant with most major problems. I procrastinate sometimes and avoid the solutions to some of life's big problems... If they are so big that I think I may have trouble dealing with them, well I guess I have a tendency to just avoid them. Alcoholics dip their tongues in the saucy poisons that will intoxicate them to the point that the problems temporarily melt away... Me, well I guess I've developed a mechanism of ignorance... I'm ok with this except that I have some pretty big stuff on my plate that I know I should deal with but keep putting it off...

Recently a good dose of reality set in as I found myself woken by the kids again. A regular clockwork behavior shortly after they arrive home from school. It's almost as if they sub consciously know they can stir dad a little with the banging and noises and the end result is time spent with dad even if he is angry about being woken up. I don't think they can truly comprehend yet what it is to work 10 hours at night each night and then only get a few hours sleep during the day... The beast we call night shift is irregular at best and mentally it takes a lot out of a person. So as the story goes, I found myself awaken by some yelling. "There's water in the bathroom again!!!" my children scurrying about finding all the towels they can to soak it up... Me, already being in the basement where I sleep I ran to the bathroom and sure enough I found my bare feet greeted by the ice cold melody of toilet water. It's just water though, and although by this time I could see the HUGE paint bubble above my head full of water from the bathroom on the level above. I wasn't at all concerned with the impending drywall repair, No, I was more concerned with the sizzling and crackling sound coming from the 100amp electrical panel that was mounted on the wall in front of me only a few feet from my face... As fast as my feet could take me I removed myself from the puddle of water on the floor knowing that it would only take a fraction of a second for the electricity to kill me if it made the right contact, the correct path through my body would prove fatal. I then ran as fast as I could wearing only my underwear to get the kids out of the bathroom where they were trying to soak up the water. Equally dangerous however not as obvious to them as it is to me someone who has a fair amount of electrical knowledge...

The bottom line in this is that after cleaning up the electrical panel and shutting off the water supply to the bathroom etc I began to realize that procrastination can be far more serious in some situations and does not simply go away. The problem much like alcoholism only compounds. The bathroom had flooded before only the first time it was far more serious because we had called the fire department and had our electrical meter removed etc. Inspectors had to be called in to declare the panel safe again after I cleaned it...

It is 3:02am and I am sitting here writing in my blog instead of sleeping. That clearly tells me that my mind is troubled... My wife and I are waiting for news from the bank, news we were suppose to receive on Thursday or Friday of last week but got delayed due to some paper work error. And financially we are at our wits end... Exploring all kinds of possibilities, one of which may end up being the sale of our house with us moving out of the city causing major commute times to work for the both of us... I am hopeful that our situation improves, I am expecting another increase in pay at work but of course when you are expecting something it seems to take longer... I feel I am doing well in my job but it is quite obvious that I am under paid even at the admission of my superiors. They can replace me in an instant, the job does not take a rocket scientist but you would think that when you have someone who does the job efficiently and with few mistakes that they would take more measures to make sure the employee who is already well trained stays with the company instead of tickling the idea of handing out more resumes...

That's all for now, I have far more to rant about but I will wait until the news from the bank to produce more...

Yeah I know... It's almost Christmas!

2009-12-07T14:06:00.000-05:00

I have not posted very much and very frequently enough and I get shit from people all the time about it... I'm not exactly the easiest guy to get ahold of I know, you may be thinking... Why won't he phone me or how come I don't see him around much...

Truth is, Ehem... and your gonna laugh your ass off at this one...

"I'm an extremely private person!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Your kidding right? The guy who has a blog and shares all this crappola about himself on the internet... and he's telling me he's a private person?

Sigh!...

Yeah, well the internet blog has been a great way for me to reach out.... Inspired by another person's blog she has since stopped blogging publicly because she ended up splitting from her hubby and he ended up bringing her blogging shit to the lawyer to use against her... That's a bit like ripping open someone's diary and reading it word for word while they piss in your eyes!

That was a long time ago now... Another blog that inspired me to write was of a good friend of mine who had a long battle with cancer... Everything about her journey was documented right up until and including video of her funeral... Wow...

Sometimes a guy just sits back and realizes that he's weathered a lot in the past few years... I have lost several people to cancer, old age and other unfortunate events. Family and friends have withered away one by one and as far as siblings and parents go it's just my mother, my brother and I that are left... I have long since abandoned ties with biological cousin's etc in Calgary and have an Uncle who stained my mother's maiden name to an unrecoverable state. The past two years has been a financial hell and needs to improve soon... The new year must simply be better.... Will be better...

Dispite all the disparity I am truly blessed...

I have a wife and kids who love me, and a house to call a home... My work situation has come from uncertain paycheques in a family business to guaranteed weekly relief and I have been promoted in my new job three times to where I am now being considered for a prominent position managing an entire department of my own... My mother, who also lives with my wife, kids and I came through 18 years of a genetic illness to find herself recieving the gift of life last February 14th and has even recently overcome the dreaded H1N1 virus and a bout of major rejection...

It's been a long tough journey up to this point but I feel that things are improving...

And while I don't find the time nor energy to blog about it, I never stop thinking about it...

My Mom's doin' great!!!

2009-11-14T18:33:00.001-05:00

OK I've had a tonne of support from friends online and from work etc... That helped emotionally for sure so thanks for that...

My mom is officially over the H1N1 flu, took approximately three weeks to fully be over it but she isn't coughing or anything anymore so we are quite confident in saying this...

Monday she will return to TO clinic and get the official all clear but things look great on this end so far...

I also wanted to tell you about a band that I stumbled upon... Well actually Where I work there is a guy who works on my shift who is also a member of the band, I put a nice widget with some of their music in the left column... The band is called BrushWood and it's a local TO band... Please check it out, if you like Rock you will love their sound!

Cheers!

Flu and My Mom...

2009-11-09T16:46:00.001-05:00

Yes, it's true, she's got the flu, but it's not turning out to be as bad as the media wants you to think... Actually I have not blogged about it in quite some time but the gist of it is this... Her home Spirometer's "Forced expiratory volume" or FEV1 readings have steadily declined in volume over the past month creating a far greater concern for us than the Flu. Unfortunately for us this could mean serious or chronic rejection which is the #1 reason for loss of life for transplant patients... Or it could mean she has some hidden infection that we are not aware of yet despite several xrays and visits to the emergency department. Unfortunately for us we have run into one of the main doctors who's attitude towards my mother is beginning to concern us... She's filled with doom and gloom and offers little hope for her future, it's becomming quite frustrating for us and so we are seeking further places where routine tests and clinic appointments can be done...

I guess I confused some people as to where I have been blogging about her latest battle... I had started up a separate blog called BittenByFlu...

That's all for now...

Hot Peppers...

2009-09-27T14:54:00.000-04:00

This is an snapshot of the hot peppers that sit on our dining room table. Not even sure why I wanted to share it but... Well hey, I like hot peppers and you should too!

My little Princess...

2009-09-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

Well, a few years of drilling rules into my daughters head about the internet and here is the sum of the best information I could find for her to follow... She got a new HP EeePC for her birthday and she loves it. Now she's got access to her MSN again and facebook but will have restricted internet time and will be monitored closely by me and my squid proxy...

Personal Information

Kids should be warned against giving out any personal information in chat rooms, on forums or in emails to people they do not know personally. The Federal Bureau of Investigation says they should never reveal their name, address, phone number or school information. Parents should also tell their children not to post their photos on the Internet or send them to anyone they do not know personally. If someone is pressuring a child to reveal any of this information or to send a picture, she should report it to her parents immediately.

Identity

Kids should be on the alert for possible cases in which a correspondent is lying about his identity, including his age and sex. Adult predators will often pretend to be another youngster, and even someone of another gender, to win a child's trust. Once they have struck up a friendship, they will try to get personal information or shift their conversations to inappropriate topics. The FBI says that parents should make their kids aware of this possibility and monitor their online friendships for any red flags.

Meetings

Kids should never arrange to meet anyone they meet on the Internet without their parents' knowledge and consent. Predators will work carefully to gain a child's trust and then attempt to arrange a secret meeting. Children should know that if an online acquaintance tries to set up a meeting and tells them to keep it secret, they should tell their parents immediately.

Monitoring

Parents should monitor their children's Internet use. The computer should be in a central location where it can easily be seen by adults while the kids are using it. If this is difficult, or if an adult wants additional assurance that her kids are staying safe online, she can install a monitoring/filtering program like Net Nanny. Parents should have the passwords for their kids' email accounts and any social networking sites or other websites to which the kids belong.

Reporting

Kids should know that they can report any online problems to their parents or another trusted adult. This includes inappropriate chats, emails or photos being sent to them by someone, cyberbullying, threats, attempts to get personal information or to set up a meeting and anything else that makes them feel uncomfortable. Predators and bullies may try to convince the child that he will get in trouble if he tells someone. Make sure your kids know that this is not true and that you will help and support them if they ever have a problem online.

FULL ARTICLE HERE

The great Cold of 2009

2009-09-23T19:23:00.000-04:00

Well, as it would seem... Roughly 7 months after transplant, Mom's gone and caught a cold from the rest of us... Try as we did, we could not keep the nasty little virus out of her system... So now after advising the transplant coordinator she will nurse the cold as anyone would but will be watching closely for signs of congestion which will certainly mean that she will be hospitalized for a while...

New lungs are fantastic, but the rejection factor remains to be the biggest obstacle in transplantation... Overall though it is a very successful way of not just saving lives as it did in my mother's case but more importanly, improving quality of life... She has been so free for the past 7 months and while she hasn't done much in the way of sky diving or joining a rowing club... She's enjoyed freedom to move about and help with the kids in ways she previously could not even comprehend...

Her first storm, (the cold) I will keep you updated on...

Cheers~!

Gluten Free Chili

2009-09-22T15:10:00.000-04:00

This is Today's lunch BTW...

Ingredients
1 pound ground beef
1/2 cup milk
1 medium onion, chopped
3 Tablespoon chili powder
2 Tablespoon's Louisiana hot sauce.
1 Chopped Red Bell Pepper
1 Chopped Green Bell Pepper
1 8 ounce can of diced tomatoes
1 16 ounce can mixed kidney beans

Sauté the beef and onion in a large pan then drain excess oil. (I actually rinse the beef in a fine strainer then re-fry until the water evaporates). Add the remaining ingredients and let simmer for about an hour.

Enjoy!

As it turns out...

2009-09-21T12:29:00.002-04:00

The blog host I had set up and was blogging through is now trying to charge money for it's use. Because of this I have decided to continue blogging right here in the old familiar eblogger spot through google. Not only is this convenient.. It is right in line with my email and such...

However there is a twist...

I will no longer bite my tongue when posting my thoughts...

I have mulled it over for several months now and have finally come to realize that I should not care what others think about my posts. They are here for my benefit not theirs, they are my opinions alone. And like assholes we all have an opinion...

So for my first back to writing topic a little about what's been transpiring...

A) Mom's doing very well, could do better but needs a bit of motivation from the immediate family to be more active.

B) I am fighting a minor bacterial lung infection caused by a lingering cold.... Now two weeks into it I just could not take the tightness in the chest any longer so here I sit after taking the first of seven days worth of very expensive antibiotic medications... And yes, I will take them until finished...

C) My new job at the plant has been going exceptionally well, except for being absent on Thursday night and Sunday night because I was deathly ill on the weekend... Since starting there roughly 7 months ago I have received two increases in pay. I am told the next increase will not be fore at least another 6 months but hey... I'm not complaining... It's not that I make shit loads of money, it's simply that I am content in the fact that during the recession I have been able to secure solid work. I also really enjoy the fact that I can do other things for a good portion of the day such as banking or blogging, get a nice nap in before the night shift and then go about my stress free position moving product and equipment around the plant...

D) I have done very little work with the in laws in the past several months, in fact not more than three jobs in about 6 months. This is not due to a conflict with family as some of you have suggested, in fact I highly respect the family and enjoy their company... However waiting for the customer to pay up when you have a mortgage due at the end of the month was far too much stress for my liking...

And finally, I am just generally doing well, but financially we are tighter than the space between my two front teeth. So much so that we decided a month back to get rid of television, internet & home telephone.... Huh? But you still have all of those don't you? The answer to that is a delicate... Yes, and we in fact still have the same home telephone number but we do not use Bell any longer since they are criminals just like the rest of the large corporations... Rogers and a few others... Actually the solution we have found is to capture open wifi from the neighborhood, I found a way to concentrate multiple open wifi connections into one through a router that I changed the firmware on. This feeds the house with what amounts to redundant and fast high speed internet. In fact if one of the neighborhood routers goes down the system automagically reverts to the next highest signal strength available... I am planning on incorporating an idea such as this in the vehicle though the mini computer I am designing with a team of friends. With a small antenna on the roof resembling a cell phone antenna from the 80's the system should be able to automatically pick up multiple open wifi signals and bring them to the car's onboard computer....

OMG Am I sounding like a star trek geek or what? Well this is not a new idea, there are expensive alternatives that use this technology already existing in vehicles like Lexus etc... But as I said they are expensive, high end etc... I want to create a system that can be installed by the average user, that will not modify the existing structure of the car at all, and will be affordable by most DIY middle income class folks...

Anyhow, having the super fast redundant and free internet connection allows you to then build and connect your own PBX containing the above mentioned home telephone number. It's portable too, so for example if I put together that mini computer system I am talking about for the car, I could effectively take the telephone system with me. Wherever I go I could recieve calls on the small 7 inch touch screen display in the car and as long as I don't lose internet connection I would have free calls anywhere in North America...

Kids are all doing well too, The oldest boy is in his new school... or should I say resort.. .Shessh, every day it seems they are doing some hands on experiment in some fantastic location throughout the city and a bit beyond... He really needed a school like this and from what I've been shown, for kids like him this experience will get him ready for the high school experience.... How, I'm not sure but with it being fully government funded and quite unique in the way they teach, I'm not about to question it. He loves taking a bus to school also... Gives him time to think, something that I enjoy doing very much too...

The other boy also very strong in school, seems to enjoy the experience and he's very much a social animal. Loves to skateboard and has a head as strong as oxen. Hard to control sometimes but a very intelligent boy who I can relate to on many levels...

And the Girl... I can't tell you enough about my little girl... She's out done herself in so many areas... Schooling she excels at. She has so many friends it's hard to keep her head straight in who is her best friend and how not to hurt those who thought she was their best friend etc... She spreads her friendship around and is handling the peer pressure thing quite well... Smart, funny, and a fantastic cook she's doing very well...

BTW, the girl and I made a really awsome Gluten Free cheesecake one last chunk of which I am about to smother with whip cream...

That's all for now, see you again soon in the print!

Really sorry...

2009-08-17T07:02:00.002-04:00

Really sorry, do appologize... I have somewhat abandoned this forum and moved onto a completely anonymous page...

You see, over the past year or so I have mostly blogged about my mother.. While this was a great healing process it still lacked the feeling of honestly in some ways... I mean you can certainly understand that if you know me by way of family or friend. I may at some point reference you and that could be disturbing even if not by name... I have already had a few incidence where I used a name by accident or an event that had upset someone in some form or another... And now, with the seriousness of my blogs turning to more of a past nature, they involve family for whom I do not want to upset...

And so I have been blogging furiously in another location, if you know me well enough you will certainly be able to find them... And if not, please understand that it is for your own protection as I do not plan on using real names, only events and "dates" and times of certain historical events that took place ohhhhh lets say, in the 80's... :)

Lets be more specific though...

Catch you on the flip side, you may hear a blog from me once in a while... Feel free to email me!!! I love emails! (wink) (wink)

A little over a week...

2009-06-18T16:43:00.003-04:00

So to finish the blog about my mother.. She's ok now, she's at home and will live life as best she can after the bad news from the doctors...

Bad news? Hmmm have your ears perked up? Well yes it was terrible news but it doesn't bother us in the least... This is quite simply because after all that she's been through with not being able to breath, the bad news she received is only a minor set back. And I'm quite sure we have more of that stuff in store in the future...

Having received new lungs and a new chance for her to breath easier and enjoy the rest of her life comes at a cost. My mother's pre existing medical conditions were not limited simply to alpha-1 antitrypson deficiency. She also had a pre existing heart condition, diabetes, some cholesterol related issues etc... there are more but they seemed well controlled to me the untrained son who thought all those were minor... Until now... After transplant she can breath but it seems that the barage of pills she takes combined with all the pre existing conditions has taken it's toll on her body...

Ultimately in Emergency we found out that she was indeed experiencing "Drug Induced Stroke" most likely from the cyclosporin (anti-rejection drug) and so now they have switched her over to a new drug which seems to be working well. Still no rejection... And though she has a little acid reflux (known to cause rejection) the tests are showing no signs still and for that we are thankful.

They did a lot of tests while she was in emergency and then after while she was in the ward. CT scans of head and chest, Ultrasounds etc... And ultimately this lead to the one on one news from the head doctor there that there is severe, irreversable damage to the blood vessels in her brain. Huh? How can this be? I mean she talks intelligently and for the most part seems perfectly normal to me... But yet they tell me she could just drop dead at any time? I am left baffled but at the same time my mother and I both agree that it just isn't important... We know that doctors have told us before that some ailment will be the ultimate demise. Doctors see the results on the screen but sometimes forget to factor in human will and sheer determination.

A couple weeks later she has been back to the hospital for some testing and is looking at a possible kidney function issue... Other than that, wow... just listen to that... 'Other than that' Things are fine... She's at home, says she feels great and is living... If things change I will let you know but for now that is what we have and we sure intend to accept it... What else could we do with it?

On a more personal note... My life has for the most part become about work... Work is going well, my hand is all healed up from the injury I obtained from a machine at work... And my schedule is for the most part working out with the exeption of being on the road driving to and from TO for 6 hours ultimately leading to me taking the night off cause I was really stressed out. TO is preparing for gay pride celebrations next week and something had the traffic all up in a tiffy... Took literally two hours to get to TO yesterday and then two hours to return home... By that time I was so exausted and stressed out that I did not go to work...

With the new employment I have been introduced to some new friends of course. It is natural to befriend people that you work with... For the first time since I have moved to Ontario I have a circle of friends that is my own. Previously being part of a family business I did not have this luxury and of course spent a lot of time trying to walk lightly around people so being away from that has really been nice... Unfortunately I have not communicated much with them and seemingly they are starting to show that they are not interested in communicating. So I and my family are proceeding on our path of success and they are doing the same... As it would seem... We both have goals, just not the same ones...

Naturally...

Longer and Longer...

2009-06-07T15:54:00.003-04:00

I guess with my new busy schedule my posts become spread out ofer time a little more and more... I plan to resume my regular blogging habit soon. In fact I have a nice little laptop that is slightly larger than an EeePC that I will be sporting around with me more and more and I am looking for a portable internet solution... Then, no matter where the blogging bug hits me I'll be able to blog properly from a mobile location. Sure there are iphones and such but nothing quite replaces the feel of a proper querty keyboard when blogging. Not to mention it will become my mobile phone solution through means of voip.

'Nuff bout that... Now an update on my mother...

On Friday after my work shift I caught up on a bit of sleep. I had gotten some sleep, then went to the family doctor who took a look at my workplace injury... "You need to go to emergency and get stitches" My doctor is as blunt as a marble when he tells you how it is... Straight to the point, always and with a smile and a pat on the back... So, after having that done I layed down to rest before work that night... I awoke to the sound of the telephone at 3:38pm, then shortly after I heard my mother come up the stairs in a hurry to bring me the phone. By this time I had already made my way to the washroom so I was unavailable. "It's the school, they want to talk to the mother or father" Hmmmm, ok I thought... "Tell them I'll call them back, I'm in the washroom right now..." There was no response but then I heard her mumble half intelligently to the person on the phone "He's not available, can he call you back..." After that there was pure silence... After finishing up, I walked out into the hallway where I found my mother laying down on the floor with the phone in her right hand... "Mom! What are you doing on the floor?" She answered me without hesitation and with no trouble... " I'm just resting... I got up too quickly and then became weak..." Wow... I was shocked... She got up shortly after that and walked down the stairs...

My wife had been on her way home already so I figured I would just wait until she arrived to make a final decision... When she did arrive and told me that mom had been very sleepy the last day or two I went to ask my mom about it. Well, I found her already laying in bed and in fact already asleep... I woke her and said very bluntly... "Mom, lets go, we are going to TO general to have you checked out...". She certainly didin't seem surprised, and in fact opened her eyes and simply replied "Ok, I figured you were going to say that..."

SO off we went to the emergency...

Friday turned into Saturday then Sunday morning 3am and she was still in the hallway waiting to go upstairs... I will blog about what happened next time but I have to run now so I can't finish the story just yet...

:) Ohhhh the suspense!

Subject: Thank you...

2009-05-28T16:07:00.002-04:00

Well barr none, it has been far too long since I blogged... I have simply been consumed by the new employment I obtained a little over two months ago. As a family member's words described in an email today "Money is flowing more freely" And I suspect it will continue to do so. I took the plunge from working a relaxed job with family to working a 55 hour work week 6 days with one day of rest. There are various reasons for why I chose to do this, and I do not wish to blog about the details of that because I do not wish to start tip toeing around sensitive feelings and circumstances. Rest assured, it had everything to do with my choices and nothing to do with those of the family involved. I saw a path that will put me on track with my goals and so that is where I decided to go. I have always been steadfast in obtaining my goals. And in fact, every goal I have ever set for myself I have obtained and will continue to obtain thanks to the fantastic support of my wife and family.

A day or so ago I sent the following email to the people in my contact list but I don't send a lot of emails out and so the list of people is lacking. There are also others who deserve the same thank you and since I know they have also periodically read my blog I am posting it here.

Before you read the email I just wanted to add that I will begin to blog more frequently now that I have a grasp of the night shift. And beside that thought, it's raining so I can't dig around in the dirt outside right now...

Cheers!

From: Don Millette
To: "All who I have come into contact with during the past year"
Subject: Thank You...

I wanted to take this opportunity to just say thank you to all the people in my life who have really been there to support my family throughout my mother's illness, and now ultimately her recovery. In some way or another you have all been a part of it even if you were not aware. You may be family, someone I met through the transplant program, or even someone who purchased products new and used from me. All, in some way, helped with our journey and for that I want to thank you sincerely.

Reading my blogs and sending me comments has also really helped me cope with the tremendous task of walking through all that is involved in being the primary support for someone like my mother. Her recovery has been speedy and quite amazing. She has been blessed with a second chance at life, and now a little over three months after her transplant she is leading a completely normal life. She has been given the fantastic gift of life, one that I believe we all take too lightly sometimes but I know she appreciates every moment she is able to breath easily. She has told me that not a minute goes by that she does not think about the donor and their amazing gift...

For 18 years, my mother dealt with an illness known as Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. This disease robbed her of the ability to breath and in essence, to live a normal healthy life. Her entire world was restricted to the house and when trying to overcome the barriers, when just trying to go grocery shopping or to a mall to get some time away from the house, she was tethered to oxygen tanks and frequent panic attacks trying to breath. While it wasn't always horrible, we had many good times, it was in no way a normal life. In the past two years she had deteriorated to the point where end stage disease almost took her life. Had she not had a lung transplant, the frequent lung infections would have taken her life... If someone had not made the "AMAZING" choice to donate their loved one's organs my mother would have soon passed away leaving many grand children and my brother and I without a mother... Thanks to that amazing gifte she went from being unable to do simple tasks such as walk from the car to the front door. To complete and utter freedom and independance. She is no longer frustrated and upset when she breaths and can literally do anything she likes again, including playing with my kids. Teaching them how to kick a ball around in the yard, gardening... You name it, she is now doing it again and it's fantastic...

My words I can assure you, while they are absolute and sincere they are not enough to thank the donor family and all the support that I received...

Through twitter, I came across a fantastic Ontario website that I would encourage you do visit...

If your computer isn't too speedy it may not function correctly but I found it to be quite an innovative way of explaining Organ donation... Even if you have already signed a donor card and spoken to your loved ones you may just find the site cool to visit...

You can visit the site at http://recycleme.org/

Sincerely,

Don Millette.

Spring has Sprung...

2009-05-17T21:01:00.002-04:00

A brief breakdown of day to day living these days...

Definitely I would be blogging more if it were not for the absolute beauty that is nature calling me outdoors to spend time with all of it's creations. I am a sucker for gardening and being outside to breath the air saturated with the smell of freshly cut grass and rotting leaves in the compost heap... LUV'S IT!

The left handed thing worked out great... The hand is not so numb since using the left hand to operate the mouse and at least for now I will continue to function this way...

The job's going EXCELLENT! In fact in such a short time we are already caught up financially and each week it gets better and better... Finally I will have some cash to do the things I want to do in the garden and with technology...

Tomorrow is my youngest boy's Bday!!! WOO HOO... I love the little bugger so much I can't wait to celebrate with him... A trip to the skate park to take some photos of him and his crazy trix... Should be a good day!

Mom's doing good now, got all that stuff straightened out at the hospital and she isn't as depressed as she was for a short while.. I know I didin't blog about it all but she had a pretty bad spell there dealing with a grumpy doctor and just feeling overwhelmed I think. But she is back on track now and has her micro spirometer which is showing some pretty decent numbers so we are all quite happy!

That's all for now, I have to wind down in front of the television with da wifey before bed time...

Cheers!

Left handed weirdness

2009-04-27T20:02:00.003-04:00

Today, I am blogging this with left handed weirdness...

Hmmm, just what is this nutty man telling me? Well it's quite simple, I have toggled the option in my computer's mouse settings to allow for left handed mouse operation. But why have I done this?

Well I have had for about 5 years now some carpal tunnel syndrome in my hands, the right hand always being the worst of the two, in fact when I was younger I had surgery to correct a tumor that had grown on my wrist and it has never quite been the same after that. Well with the new job requiring everything from the motion of operating a screw driver, to calibration of scales and such. My right hand has become extremely numb and quite useless as far as operating a mouse.

And so, now I am going to try to teach my now 37 year old brain how to use my left hand to operate the mouse. So far so good... I have instantly come to realize that left handed mouse operation has some serious benefits... While I may still operate the mouse like a person with severe motor skills issues, I can now write with pen in hand on a pad to my right while opening and closing windows on my computer screen with the left hand... Would also be very useful for holding the phone to my right ear while opening and closing windows with the left hand... The possibilities are... Ehem... Well not endless but there are a few perks...

I have been really enjoying the windy weather we have a lot of windows open in our home and have been able to really air out the place. Something I think every home should have the chance to do for health sakes...

Off I go now, to feed the turtle and enjoy the last two hours before work :)

Cheers and Cheerios!

BTW: This right justified text was just an added joke... :) Bah if I have to explain myself it's probably not that funny eh?

Is Swine Flu Man Made?

2009-04-27T13:35:00.003-04:00

I believe yes, it is man made. It may or may not be terrorist related but one thing is sure to me, it's not being treated the way it should be. If this was of great concern to the world health organization, why did they not shut down the borders like they did during 9/11 in the US? It's simply common sense! I can't help but wonder if the spread of this was intentionally used as a terrorist attack. Genetically mutating a flu virus and then keeping the proper vaccinations for themselves... Seems like a pretty solid way to attack, would you agree?

Previous types of swine flu was unable to pass from human to human, this strain is being dubbed "new and improved" bird flu which is very unlikely natural.

Further more, now that it's being seen in large and small cities around North America, why have the schools not been shut down completely? I am about to contact the school to find out what they are planning to do to prevent my three children from contracting this from their peers...

I'm a bit pissed off about this one, we have been warned for many years about a possible flu pandemic, here it is and what are we doing about it? Treating it like it's just some ordinary flu?
And to make matters worse I have an immune suppressed loved one living in my house so having the kids come home with this virus will almost certainly be lethal for us...

Outrageous!

A rainy day indeed...

2009-04-26T12:08:00.004-04:00

It may be raining, and in fact it has rained for two days now but... It's warm and the weekend went well... The flowers are beautiful and the tulips have bloomed...

I just really wanted to share with you some art that my 10 year old daughter made. My wife and I fell in love with it's 3d features. The nose and lips protrude out from the painting, maybe hard to see but it's really a fantastic piece.

Enjoy!

Spring Spring Spring...

2009-04-25T08:22:00.002-04:00

This is really the first day that it truly felt like spring to me. Yeah my kids and I planted a garden, installed a water feature and otherwise just cleaned up the yard which included some tree pruning and flowerbed preparations but it was cold and miserable most of the time and just felt like a chore. Today though, when I went to the local Tim Horton's for my wife's fix of Coffee, I breathed in a completely new sensation. One I had not felt since last year... It truly feels like spring now and I'm so happy about it.

Financial hardships hit everyone, they always come at the worst possible time in your life. After doing the taxes we have calculated the expense that came from caring for my mother during her transplant journey and the numbers are staggering. I knew our life savings had dissapeared but didin't really see it until it was on paper, the total hovering close to 15 thousand dollars. We are expecting to have about 3000 of that returned to us from the Government but you know, they will probably take their sweet time sending it back to us. Or perhaps they will question it some. None the less I have letters from my mother's care givers that state that this all in fact was true and that I was the primary care giver and that the 144 appointments were real. If you look back further than the 7 months of care, I think really the toll is much higher. It's only money though and I would do it again if I had to, it was well worth the struggle. Now however we are on the upward rise to financial stability with only a few debts lurking... If we get our return we will be able to settle the debts right away and move on with our lives...

As for her recovery, I am a bit fearful right now because I am noticing a change. She is not perky and healthy looking like she just after transplant. The arthritis has really set in causing her to be immobile most of the time. She just can't walk and it's frustrating as hell knowing that she has this great set of lungs but now she can't do what she loved to do prior to transplant. Walking...

The other day, as instructed we went to the local doctors to solve the arthritis mystery. Possibly get some drugs that will help ease the pain or hopefully elliminate it all together. The doctor prescribed a replacement for IBUprofin. And as instructed by the transplant team she contacted them to tell them what the prescription is... Well wouldn't you know it she was instructed to not take the pills prescribed because they will destroy her kidneys... Fantastic... One chance we get for pain control and we find out the damn pills will certainly kill her if she uses them. So here we are mom's not doing well right now... Things will improve over the next week perhaps...

Other challanges we are facing... Because we were struggling financially we kept putting off the purchase of a micro spirometer. This is the device that will signal an early warning to us that she is rejecting the new organ... So of course it's a vital part of the course of transplant... Thankfully my brother had been able to come to the rescue and send me the money needed to purchase the device. About 30 minutes ago I was able to make the purchase and the device will be delivered... When I am not sure but I did request that they send it as soon as possible... Explaining that she is in dire need of the device.

Finally the other struggle we have been dealing with... I work nightshift, I love the job and am very pleased that I got nightshift as this is exactly what I was looking for. However my mom's appointments are often early in the morning, and after a 9 hour day... Ehem I mean night... Well I become some what of a hazzard on the streets of TO. Half the time I feel like I am falling asleep... Waiting for her appointments to finish is tourture for me, the nearest comfort I can find is to park next to Lake Ontario during a thunder storm and watch the lightning off in the distance, possibly in New York my imagination takes me on a tour of the strikes on the other side of the pond...

That's all for now, I am returning to the task I had started an hour ago, cloning a hard drive to a remote location for later retrieval and backup... Nifty software that I plan on writing a review on in my tech blog terminalgeek...

Cheers and Rice Crispies!!!

2 minute update...

2009-04-21T20:02:00.002-04:00

So the job's goin' well, Our personal income tax has been filed, meeting new people through work so I actually can say that I've made some friends in Ontario for once...

Thanks to my brother we will be able to purchase the micro spirometer our mother needs, the doctors really made her feel like shit when they blasted her at her clinic meeting. Asking her why she did not have the device yet.. Well they aren't the ones who have to try to shell out the cash for it and this whole process has really stripped us of our entire savings account and affected work so much that I had to withdraw from it entirely. My personal business was going well, I have a relationship with several parts suppliers but now with working full time trying to get caught up on bills I am forced to put that on hold...

The garden is planted, the grass is turning green... Trees are budding and the pond's well... it's a pond...

As far as mom's health is concerned, she's got her issues to deal with... Psychologically this has been very tough on her and quite frankly the doctors have not addressed that part of the whole transplant very well. They give you the parts but then when other aspects of your health begin to fail they just expect you to deal with it physically and emotionally by yourself. So we are doing the best we can to keep our chin up... She's been diagnosed with arthritis and now she is having extreme difficulty walking. We are looking into ways of controlling this but as you can imagine, you get a new pair of lungs and then you can no longer walk... it's really been tough on her the past several weeks...

I will elaborate more on this another time...

Gotta get a one hour nap in before work...

Busy spring... Doin' great...

2009-04-19T08:49:00.002-04:00

I havn't updated since Easter... I've been so darn busy with things, the new nightshift job is going great but it's been exhausting trying to adjust to both the time and the new muscles I have to use to complete the job... I think everything is on track and expect them to only get better... All in all this part of my life is fantastic, we are on the road to being able to pay the bills, hopefully before the disconnect notices start flowing in... My wife, who is also my best friend. I don't know how I would have managed without her up till now she has been a solid rock of support. She picked up the work slack when my own business was trying to get off the ground then poof from out of nowhere the recession hit us so here I am with my own personal business stuffs kind of on hold and my wife and I working full time...

I'll post more later, but right now my daughter and I are going to plant seeds in the garden...

Happy Easter...

2009-04-11T11:06:00.002-04:00

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.

Now I am feeling great, I mean physically I'm tired... The job is hard, the pay is about right, but it's catching up with the bills that will prove interesting.

In the past week or so I have not been blogging much, not that I don't have anything to say but I have been busy... I mean really busy...

Got a new job, just in time to save my house we will be back on our financial feet in a few weeks as long as things go as planned. Working midnight shift so I can keep doing my day to day company things and take care of the kids and mother's appointments etc it is exactly what I asked for and as long as I can balance the right amount of sleep with the right amount of physical activity I should be fine...

Now I want to talk about the day before today...

My kids all helped out in the yard, but my oldest (string bean) helped more than ever before. I mean he really helped... He dug out our new garden, turned the sod and shook out the roots, helped me move the compost bin... Yeah that's right, the 100 thousand or so apples that we get from our tree each year miraculously turns into beautiful black soil by the next spring. It's fantastic! Then there was the tree pruining. We have an apple tree and a crab apple tree, it took the rest of the day to cut up all the branches into 16 big bundles for the city waste management to take away... I would do something with them in the way of recycling but we just don't have the space. My boy and I also dug out and installed a pond liner with a water fountain, it was a real full days work and I have blisters on my hand to prove it but it was all worth it.

Today I think I'll subject the boy to some major vehicle detail cleaning... :)

Am I pushing my luck with that one?

A light at the end of the transplant tunnel...

2009-04-06T13:09:00.003-04:00

We did not move to Brampton with even the slightest idea of my mother getting a transplant. In fact, back in Calgary she had a respirologist who's answer to my mom's question about transplant was "You wouldn't survive it..." A solemn lowering of his head, gently gesturing no... Much sympathy in his eyes. It robbed her of her hope. The chance she had wanted to hear, shattered. My mother did not mention the possibility of transplant again, that is until several years later when she moved in with us here in Brampton.

Our intentions were to take care of her and my grandmother. My grandmother had dementia but was functioning quite well on her own. She was able to cook, and in fact after moving here she adjusted rather well. She was walking daily to the grocery store where she would buy cans of spaghetti etc, talk with people and just generally enjoying what we had promised her we would always give her... "Freedom!" She valued this more than anything and years prior without truly understanding it's consequences I promised her that we would never put her in a nursing home. She died in a hospital only because she had contracted an Antibiotic Resistant Organism and had to be isolated. They asked us if we wanted to pursue aggressive treatment to save her live but at 94 years of age it was time to let go. The doctors advised us that she was suffering greatly and that her dignity was of utmost importance to us all...

Now back to my mother... She was happy that we were able to bring her mother with us. It meant she would not have to live with the guilt of abandoning her mother in a time of need. My mother's quality of life at this time had come to a screeching halt. I mean her entire world was spent in our home and within the constraints of the oxygen hoses and tanks. Her O2 was now at 4litres flow and more importantly her Oxygen Saturation dropped into the 80's whenever she performed any sort of exertion. It was very frustrating for her indeed. Trips to walmart often ended in panic and despair when her tank would malfunction or she would exert so much that an ambulance had to be called. Infection after infection we were really starting to worry that we would not have her much longer. We were told that in Ontario, finding a family doctor was nearly impossible... Specialists even more difficult and so we were really scared, wondering if we had done the right thing by bringing her here...

But then!, we found a family doctor... Right near our house in fact and he is such a great guy! The clinic receptionists, now that's an entirely separate blog about how they lost our medical charts etc but the Doctor seemed really good. Soon after that we met with a respirologist and then the miracle came to us... During a regular checkup the respirologist explained to her that at her current end stage disease she would likely not live past the next couple of infections. aggressive treatments had always helped, All the amazing drugs and therapies had extended her disease to now past 18 years and we had been grateful for that. But then he asked her if she had ever considered transplant. I will never forget the look on my mom's face when she heard that.... She couldn't speak for a couple of moments and actually trembled a bit. Her words crackled as she expressed the disappointment she had had years earlier with her Calgary doctors...

Suddenly it was all clear to me, everything in our lives had fallen into place for this purpose. It all happened so perfectly... We found ourselves at the Toronto General Hospital talking to the evaluation team about the possibility of Transplant...

And that is where I will leave this blog... I will return to describe the process as we experienced it...

Switching gears a little... This is a story about US, not you, US so get over yourself!

2009-04-04T06:37:00.004-04:00

OK so the better part of my life up until yesterday was taking care of my mother. Helping her navigate the road of transplant, something that I don't think will ever truly be finished.

I don't really think people understand what's fully involved in it and if it were me who got the transplant I guess things would have been a bit different because I have a vehicle and a valid license. My dependence would purely be emotional. The mechanics of getting to and from appointments I would have been able to handle on my own post transplant. However this is not possible for my mother and it seems that there are people with expectations that I am somehow able to just drop the support all together. Do these people realize that during the evaluation process, part of the process they use to choose you as a viable transplant recipient relies heavily on what kind of support you have around you. If they do not see a strong support leg, they simply won't put you on the "list". I hate calling it a list because this simply isn't true... Yes, you are put into a database, your name and other various credentials. However it's more than that... You need to be matched by many variables, and one of those must be a connection to God in some way. Anyhow I have strayed somewhat from the point I wanted to make. Really, I guess it's more of justifying it to the people around me who have put those negative vibes out there, I don't feel I owe an explanation but since I am pretty sure they don't read my blog. In fact they have very little interest in what I have actually accomplished, I believe it is safe to release it from my psyche.

The following is meant to give a rough timeline and explanation of what made us who we are today, all to just give a rough time line... All the living will fill in the blanks naturally and I will assume you have enough imagination to do this.

Try to stay awake if you can...

19 years ago, I am a teen growing up in a single parent home. Things are seemingly OK, my mom's been diagnosed with something called Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency (α1-antitrypsin deficiency, A1AD or Alpha-1) which is a genetic disorder caused by defective production of alpha 1-antitrypsin. Ultimately a gift left behind by my Viking ancestors.

14 years ago, I meet my wife. I won't include all the details but know that she becomes my oasis. And coequally I am hers. As with most teens, our families are foreign to us. We can't seem to understand how we could possibly be part of the strange clan bestowed upon us by God the almighty. An event that happens in the blink of an eye but lasts for a lifetime.

11 years ago despite being affected by a family member's mental illness, the physical illness of my own mother, the alcoholic fathers my wife and I both commonly remember, and the sexual and mental abuse endured as a child, we somehow found a way to move past it all. My wife and I do not drink, do not smoke and generally have always tried to respect people. Sure, there are people who don't like us, we aren't the most social creatures on the planet. Heck we rarely call our own families on the telephone and some of them live on the same damn street as us. If you ask them they may say that's entirely our fault, my wife and I are both of the opinion that it takes two to Tango and we are perfectly happy sitting along the side of the gymnasium waiting for our turn to dance. My wife and I have each other, in one of the strongest bonds love can weld together. We accept each other for who we are, and so. My wife and I got married, first child on the way already, we had bought a house. Well not much of a house, it was a bit of a dump, but it was our dump and we were proud to have bought it with our own money. I was working full time, most days 14 hours long as a cleaner because I lacked the education to get anything better.

And so we were raising our kids, in the little broken down house, along came my grandmother who broke her hip once, then twice. Becoming more frail as the time passed. My mother's illness getting worse, we asked her to come live with us and I think that was about a year after we had bought the house but I can't remember. None the less we ended up living in a very small house and there really is only one person who I can credit for having the strength to let this happen. My wife... In any relationship if you don't both agree it's the right thing to do, then you shouldn't do it. My wife and my mother hit it off from the start. For some reason I think my mother offered something that she did not get in her own life although I am not sure what that is. And my mom was becoming more dependent but was still healthy enough to help us raise the kids so it just sorta worked...

10 Years ago, still living in the broken old house, my mother's condition leads the doctors to prescribe oxygen for her. Originally she thought it was only for a few months until the infection cleared up. Well that's not what her Alpha1 had planned for her. No, soon enough, and over the next few years, her oxygen usage gradually increased from 1.0 litres to 4.5 litres at the time of transplant.

5 Years ago, in and around... I am not exactly sure when... My wife and I were really getting frustrated with the current situation. As you can imagine, having all these responsibilities, a family becomes stressed. We puttered along, pretending nothing was wrong I had moved through a few decent jobs and experimented with working with my brother in law in Brampton. Took a trip out to see him and performed some trivial computer based work for him. Setting up printers, installing software... That kind of stuff. After returning to Calgary and all the humbug of growing up with all those responsibilities, my wife and I had a really nasty fight. It was a long time coming and was so bad it scared the both of us. Shortly after that day my wife and I began talking about selling the house and moving somewhere else, time to start off fresh, as adults without the constant memories around us... Well even though my mom was on Oxygen, at this stage she was still quite able to manage on her own. Filling her tanks etc, she was taking care of my grandmother who by that time had broken her hip and was starting to show signs of dementia. We made the toughest choice possible. My wife and I asked my mom and my grandmother to move in together. We were not really quite sure how this would work. It seemed impossible in fact but it was fully necessary for some reason. So we found a house down the street that was for rent, a dump also but one that we could easily run down to help out if they needed help. For the next year this worked well.

4 years ago... With thing somewhat stable, my wife and I doing everything we could to try to improve the house a little. We made a decision to sell the house. Now this wasn't just a random decision, my wife had been planning it in her head for 5 years but didn't know when the right time was... That very day that she told me we need to sell the house... that was the right day! After speaking to a few Realtors, we found one that would sell the house in only 3 days, and for more than we were asking for it. The economy had spiked, Calgary was booming and it looked like there would be no end to it, but I knew... I knew that buying a house in that economy would not be reasonable and on top of that we needed a change...

Profits from the house in hand we made an offer to my grandmother, now showing signs of severe dementia, for 13 thousand dollars cash, in the bank for us to be able to use her motor home for the move. Broken down and not in good shape we figured this would give them the money they would need to live comfortably for the next couple of years since they had a steady income this would be supplemental. They could use the money to pay for people to do things for them like grocery shopping, order the newspaper delivery or just plain ol' order some chicken when they didn't feel like cooking... Unfortunately though, lurking in the background was one of my cousins, plotting for a way to get the motor home. She was manipulated and lied too and in her own words. "forgotten" Her memory was short from the dementia and as she began pulling memories from her past and was incorporating them in what she believed was the truth... He destroyed her, broke her heart. She cried many times when telling us that he promised to pay her a little bit here and there, but she got nothing from him. Not even a phone call. They will tell you now that it was all my fault, I somehow prevented this from happening... But my mom and grandmother were living in Calgary and I was living in Brampton by this time so how could I possibly prevent their communication? Its just a sad excuse by a couple of drug addicted losers who won't accept what they have done. And quite frankly him and his wife are so damn guilty about it that they had to find a way to torment me online through facebook. I have kept all the proof, and I will not hesitate to take it to legal means if they ever try to slander me again. Little does the unintelligent Oaf know, his words don't hurt me the way he thinks they do. He hides behind his wife saying that she is the one who is responsible and not him. Well if his wife's words were true and he does plan on preventing the burial of my grandmother when I finally arrive there he'll have some serious legal issues on his hands. I know about the undeclared income, I know about the abuse and drug addiction. And ultimately it wouldn't hurt me a bit if he ends up in jail because of it.

Just to step back a bit, my wife, my kids and I set out in our travel trailer and dodge durango on a journey. We had no idea where we would end up, but what I did know is that I would not be returning to Alberta. I had had enough, and while Alberta is my home town where I grew up and all I needed something new. I had visions of moving to PEI where at the time we could have bought a house outright and had no mortgage. But something just didn't seem right. Something deep in my core said this wasn't the right thing to do. So we stopped in Brampton, hooked up with the in laws and began some sort of company connection that I will not elaborate on. Suffice it to say that working with family can be a confusing thing. And when you have money in your bank, a 40 thousand dollar savings it's easy to get along with anyone. Once that money disappears it becomes harder and harder to look past your differences. Ultimately we bought a house in Brampton and currently live here but that's not where the story ends...

My mother and grandmother now, not doing well. Having trouble just living in the dirty ol' shack we set them up in. My mother was getting one infection after another and ending up in the hospital until one night I got a call from the hospital there at 2am. It was an ICU nurse asking me to come see her because she wasn't going to make it through the night..... WHAT? OMG I'm 4000km away and this nurse just told me that my mother is dying and that I need to come now... It was one of the most emotional nights of my life. So I contacted my brother and of course he went to be at her side but all the guilt I had for not being able to take my mother with me fell on my head that night.

My mother recovered from that night, she's a tough lady but the stress from ICU and the infection did more damage in one night to her heart and lungs than all the other illness combined. So shortly after that we found a way to convince her and my grandmother to move. With my grandmother hallucinating and dementia getting worse it no longer became a choice for her to move with us. She tried calling other family for help, including the one who took advantage of her but none of them could. Not that we would have let that happen, I would have involved the police had they convinced her to move in with them for fear that they would just rob her and not take care of her. So my mother agreed to move, and after many phone calls I had to make a tough choice. My grandmother wanted to keep all of her stuff so I would have to sell my travel trailer and use the money to pull a smaller trailer with her stuff. We would stay in motels etc on the way back...

Ultimately there is more to tell but I have to go now, I will return soon with the rest of the story about how things started falling into place medically the journey of transplantation was soon to start...

What goes up, must come down...

2009-04-03T09:12:00.002-04:00

You know what? I have come to the conclusion that no matter how crummy your day seems to be, it can always get just that much worse...

If you let it!

I have seen the move called "Secret" It's a good movie, with a great conceptual idea of how positive thinking can steer your life in the direction of success. Or at least in the direction that you perceive as success. I have put many of the things said in the secret to good use and it really does work. From seeking a good parking spot to expecting cheques to come in the mail. The techniques do work and while I'm certainly not rich today, who knows what tomorrow will hold. Everyone should at least try to apply it to their life with at least some sense of open mindedness. No one says you have to stop believing in God, perhaps the bottom line of the message is that we are connected to God in ways we never dreamed of before.

Yesterday, at the end of the day as per usual I was tired and getting a little cranky. The kids were acting up and well, I let it get the better part of my goat. Just like the beginning of the movie, I found myself spiralling into a seemingly uncontrolled fit of emotions and actions. First the whining of my kids about going to bed... My youngest wasn't feeling too well so we asked the others to go up. Well soon after they went up my girl came down screaming that she is scared to go to sleep because the bird cage in her room is spooking her. We have a bird that is old, 33 years old and I am not sure he's gonna make it, thought he was a goner a few days ago but none the less he's quietly wobbling around the cage but still eating and drinking. Anyhow back to the point. This understandably freaks my daughter out and she asked me to remove the bird from the room. This was an understandable request, reasonable in most circumstances except her method of delivery "Screaming and wailing" got me all stirred up. Naturally I made the assumption that she was upset that her brother did not go up to bed like the others. This assumption was partially based on the comments while the other two stomped up the stairwell saying things like "It's not fair", "Why does he get special treatment?"

BAH!!! Well up I went out of the cozy little nest I had made on the couch with pillows and my wife by my side and my frustrations caused me to stomp up after them, abruptly removing the bird cage and then relocating it in my own bedroom. As I stomped my way down the stairs warning them that they are to all be quiet or there will be consequences, I found myself doing something similar to a Jamaican bobsled standard maneuver down the stairs. My back and head slammed into the stairs as I fell and in a complete moment of confusion all I could think about was. "What the hell did I slip on?" I didn't feel anything under my feet, no truck or car, not even a skate board. It was just a quick but smooth transition to a horizontal and painful position. Now try imagine a 220 pound man 37 years old falling full force onto the stairwell... An intense burning then filled my back and I came to realize that children's safety helmets are only safe when used correctly... Not when placed on the stairs...

So, wife asking over and over "Should I call an ambulance" and kids now screaming "Daddy, are you ok?" The condition went defcon 5 in only about two minutes...

In retrospect, had I just taken a breather before following my daughter upstairs I would have likely noticed the helmet on my way up the stairs and would have been much more sensitive to my daughter's reasonable request to remove the dying bird from her room.

A lesson learned, but not forgotten!

Good news about mom...

2009-04-01T10:34:00.004-04:00

Mom had her Bronchoscopy done today at the hospital. Bronchoscopy is a diagnostic procedure used to obtain a small amount of lung tissue and fluid samples, which are then examined under a microscope to help in diagnosing a change in lung function. In otherwords rejection... During this procedure, the doctor examines the lungs (bronchial tubes) and looks for abnormal conditions, such as infection, tumors, bleeding and abnormal sites.

So now, I am sitting in the surgical waiting room while they perform a bronchoscopy on my mother. Today we will find out if there is any rejection of the new organ inside my mother. My gut feeling though is that everything is alright. I feel this way because her FEV1's have almost doubled since transplant and she is close to 85% lung capacity...

It's a complex thing, one that my close family most certainly does not understand... They tell me that they don't need me to justify myself, but deep down I feel like I should. I want them to understand but I guess they have their own fish to fry and with that I'm ok.

In 3 hours from now she will come out of the unit and I have been instructed that she will need guidance and care on her way back to the car etc. I guess It's quite invasive. The bronchoscopy I mean.

Anyhow, I have said enough for now and I think I will get back to my regular diet of hospital food. It's getting close to lunch time now and I need to eat something or I get very cranky.

I will update soon enough...
Cheers!

Yay, the appointment is over, we are home and all looks really good... NO REJECTION!!! Yay!

1 lıɹdɐ ǝɯoɔ ɯɹoʍ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ ǝɹɐʍǝq

2009-03-31T21:23:00.002-04:00

¿ǝƃunoʇ ɹnoʎ ʇoƃ ʇɐɔ ¿ɹǝʇʇɐɯ ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʍ

˙suoısɹǝʌ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ llɐ ʇɔǝʇǝp oʇ ǝlqɐ ǝq plnoɥs ɥɔıɥʍ 'ǝɹǝɥ uɐɔs ʎʇǝɟɐs ǝuıluo ǝǝɹɟ ɐ sɹǝɟɟo oslɐ ʇɟosoɹɔıɯ

˙ʇı pǝlqɐsıp ǝʌɐɥ ʎɐɯ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ sɐ 'ooʇ ƃuıuunɹ ʎllɐnʇɔɐ sı ǝɹɐʍʇɟos snɹıʌıʇuɐ ɹnoʎ ǝɹns ǝʞɐɯ ˙llǝʍ sɐ ǝɹɐʍʇɟos ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ-ıʇuɐ ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐpdn puɐ ǝʇɐpdn sʍopuıʍ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ʎlǝʇǝldɯoɔ sʍopuıʍ ɥɔʇɐd :ɔd ɹnoʎ ƃuıʇɔǝʇoɹd ʇnoqɐ ʇuɐlıƃıʌ ɐɹʇxǝ ǝq plnoɥs noʎ 'ʇuıod sıɥʇ ʇɐ

˙puɐɥ ʎq pǝlqɐsıp puɐ pǝʞɔɐɹʇ ǝq ʇ,uɐɔ ʎldɯıs ɥɔıɥʍ ɹǝqɯnu ɐ 'ǝʌıʇɔɐ sǝoƃ ʇı uǝɥʍ ʎɐp ɐ sǝssǝɹppɐ 000'05 oʇ ǝʇuɐ ǝɥʇ dn llıʍ ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ ʇnq -- pǝlqɐsıp ɹo/puɐ ʇɥƃnoq ʎldɯıs uuɐɔı puɐ sɹǝɥɔɹɐǝsǝɹ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs ɥɔıɥʍ -- ʎɐp ɥɔɐǝ sǝssǝɹppɐ 052 ʇsnɾ pǝsn ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ ɟo uoısɹǝʌ ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ ˙bɥ ɥʇıʍ ǝʇɐɔıunɯɯoɔ oʇ slɹn ɟo ɹǝqɯnu snoɯɹouǝ uɐ sǝsn ʇı ǝsnɐɔǝq sʞɔɐɹʇ sʇı sǝpıɥ ʇı ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ uı ɹǝʌǝlɔ sı ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ

˙sʍouʞ ǝuo ou ¿ǝɹɐʍʇɟos ʎʇıɹnɔǝs ʎuoɥd noʎ llǝs oʇ pǝuƃısǝp suo-ǝɯoɔ ǝʞıl-uoıʇɹoʇxǝ puɐ sdn-dod ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ lɐuoıʇıpɐɹʇ ǝɹoɯ ʇsǝɟıuɐɯ ʎldɯıs ɹo 'sǝʌıɹp pɹɐɥ ǝdıʍ 'uoıʇɐɯɹoɟuı lɐuosɹǝd lɐǝʇs 'suʍɐd ʞɔɐʇʇɐ ǝɔıʌɹǝs ɟo lɐıuǝp ǝɯoɔǝq sǝuıɥɔɐɯ ǝıqɯoz ǝɥʇ llıʍ ˙ǝlqıssod s,ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇuıod ɥɔıɥʍ ʇɐ 'qǝʍ ǝɥʇ ssoɹɔɐ ǝɹǝɥʍǝɯos pǝʇɐɔol ǝuıɥɔɐɯ ɹǝʇsɐɯ ɐ ɟo loɹʇuoɔ ǝɥʇ ɹǝpun ǝɯoɔ llıʍ sɹǝʇndɯoɔ pǝʇɔǝɟuı llɐ '1 lıɹdɐ uo ʇɐɥʇ sı ɹɐɟ os uʍouʞ s,ʇɐɥʍ ˙ǝuılpɐǝp ǝɥʇ ǝɹoɟǝq ɹǝʇıɹʍ ǝɥʇ puıɟ ɹo ǝɹnɔ ɐ ɹǝǝuıƃuǝ oʇ ʇdɯǝʇʇɐ ʎǝɥʇ sɐ ǝpoɔ s,ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ oʇuı ƃuıƃƃıp ʎlǝʌıssǝɹƃƃɐ ǝɹɐ sɹǝɥɔɹɐǝsǝɹ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs 'ʇɟosoɹɔıɯ ʎq pǝɹǝɟɟo 'ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɹǝʇıɹʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo pɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ uo ʎʇunoq ɹɐllop-uoıllıɯ-ɹǝʇɹɐnb ɐ oʇ ʇɹɐd uı sʞuɐɥʇ

˙sǝʌıɹɹɐ ʎɐp-p uǝɥʍ op llıʍ ʇı ʇɐɥʍ ʎlʇɔɐxǝ ǝɹns ǝʇınb sı ǝuo ou ɥƃnoɥʇ ˙˙˙ʇuǝlnɹıʌ puɐ 'lnɟɹǝʍod 'pǝʇɐɔıldɯoɔ ʎlqıpǝɹɔuı uʍoɹƃ sɐɥ ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ 'ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ 'ʇuɐıɹɐʌ pɹıɥʇ sʇı uı ʍou ˙sɹǝʇndɯoɔ uoıllıɯ 9 pǝddoʇ suoıʇɔǝɟuı uʍouʞ sɐ ʎɹɐnuɐɾ uı sǝuılpɐǝɥ ƃuıʞɐɯ uɐƃǝq puɐ 8002 ǝʇɐl uı dn pǝlqqnq ʇsɹıɟ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ

˙sɹɐǝʎ uı uǝǝs ǝʌ,ǝʍ sʞɔɐʇʇɐ ƃuıƃɐɯɐp ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ǝq plnoɔ 'ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ pǝllɐɔ 'ɯɹoʍ ʇsǝʇɐl ǝɥʇ puɐ 'sǝɹɐʍ ɹıǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ ʎɐp s,looɟ lıɹdɐ ʇǝƃɹɐʇ oʇ ǝʌol sɹoʇɐǝɹɔ ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ

˙1 lıɹdɐ sı ǝʇɐp ʇɐɥʇ 'ǝsɐɔ ǝɥʇ uǝʇɟo sı sɐ ˙ǝʇɐp pǝpoɔ-pɹɐɥ ɐ uo ɔoʌɐɥ ʞɐǝɹʍ oʇ ʇǝs sı ɥɔıɥʍ ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ ɟo ʇıq ɐ ɟo ʇɔɐdɯı ǝɥʇ ǝʇɐƃıʇıɯ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ʇsuıɐƃɐ ƃuıɔɐɹ ǝɹɐ sʇɹǝdxǝ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs 'sɹɐǝʎ ʍǝɟ ʎɹǝʌǝ ǝɔuo ʎluo plɹoʍ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝɥʇ sʇıɥ ʇɐɥʇ ʇuǝʌǝ uɐ uı

/1-lıɹdɐ-ǝɯoɔ-ɯɹoʍ-ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ-ǝɹɐʍǝq/346821/llnu/sƃolq/ɯoɔ˙ooɥɐʎ˙ɥɔǝʇ//:dʇʇɥ ɯoɹɟ ǝlɔıʇɹɐ lɐuıƃıɹo

Sometimes things just fall into your lap...

2009-03-28T13:56:00.002-04:00

Other times you have to look for them!

With spring on the horizon I have been spending a lot of my time preparing for the summer. Raking old dead leaves off the lawn etc. But then there is also preparing and sending out packages from eBay and other sales sources. It seems that no matter how poor the economy is, people are always looking for a great deal on products online. Online security of course is the thing that holds most people back. I wrote a short blurb at my terminalgeek blog about how paypal and eBay have really helped to increase security with a security key fob they send to you.

Anyhow, what I really wanted to blog about was the phenomenon called "Twitter" What a socially geared toy this thing has become. Although as with most things it is fast becomming a tool for spamming. If used right though it can be used to maintain a list of followers, well I dunno exactly why but people seem to inherently want others to know what they are doing. The stars of Hollywood are perhaps justified in using this as a tool to reach out to their fans. But for common folks like me, what could we possibly want from all this? It's much easier than maintaining a web page and for people like Britney Spears she can short blog links to her photos and where abouts with only an iphone.

So if you can filter your way through all the people who want to detoxify you for free with some strange goo made in germany. You'll find twitter at least mildly amusing, and very unintrusive. I think that's the part I like the best. I can choose to just follow, or I can be a loudmouth and start commenting on conversations that I had no part in to begin with :) That's more like me I'm afraid...

Cheers!

Like any other

Do you video blog from your Cell Phone?

2009-03-21T05:58:00.006-04:00

There are more than A few useless ways to entertain yourself while online...
But Video Blogging?

I have often wondered if I could be successful at video blogging. No I don't think I'm something beautiful to look at, in fact I would almost never subject you to the pain that is my portrait image without first deciding it was imperative for content. In live video that pain would surely intensify, but it seems to me that each and every one of us does something interesting throughout our day and we are usually alone or in small groups when it happens. We all have a cell phone and most have cameras built into them. It would be kinda neat when I run across interesting things if I could just take a short 12 second video.....

Uhhhh, why 12 seconds? Well I dunno the exact science behind it but it seems that short video clips are interesting to people. At least this is the consensus at http://12seconds.tv/ I knew a guy who grew up in South West Calgary named Anselm Hook from http://hook.org uber geek programmer extraordinaire. His father owned the Computer Shop of Calgary and and my brother and I played in the neighborhood with him for countless hours, doing geeky things. I remember being introduced to the PET computer in his living room and thinking "This is the coolest thing ever". Or the whacky treasure chest full of gerbels. Uhhhh, ok that was a little strange but what about the year he and my brother went trick or treating dressed up as robots in their home made costumes all lit up with LED lights, topped off by a chimmeny for a head. Andy's rich and famous now and rarely says boo to me but I find it interesting some of the things he does. He travels all over the globe and runs a company called MakerLab etc but always finds time to do some strange new thing to catch my attention. Just the other day he took a short 12 second clip, just him sitting with his kid in front of the computer... a few verbal comments, some shy response by his kid then poof it was over. And I thought... WOW it is so cool that this guy would video blog 12 seconds of his life, just enough to make me interested in it, but not enough to bore me.

And so, if I can figure out how to upload the clips directly from my phone I may start doing exactly that... You would be really surprised at the kinds of things I run into each day. Even just my screaming kids, and we all know how in demand 12 seconds of blood curdling screams by a kid can be... Or the homeless guy on the off ramp to Spadina who I give change from my car's change tray... These are things we just do without thinking, but socially they are important.

I dunno why but they just are...

Does anyone ever look at the videos that are posted on this page? I put them there because as it seems... Videos, at least short ones keep people happy... I dunno about you but I find it therapeutic to watch video clips now and again, funny ones, stupid ones, educational ones... Seems to pass those bored moments with something to do...

Have a go at some of the videos in the side bar, you'll be entertained at least for the short term and they regularily change based on the content of this page.

What are your thoughts on this???
Have a great day!

Yeah well...

2009-03-20T07:15:00.003-04:00

Yeah I know it's been a long time since an update... All the buzz worn off? Well no not exactly, been really busy being exhausted and trying to finish the new office by Sunday. I was surprised the last couple days receiving facebook messages that I have not updated and one instant message... :) So here is a bit of an update for now, more after the kids go back to school...

March Break: For single parents this time must be either a blessing or a nightmare... If your single, you may ship them off for the break to be with their other parent and that may give you some time off... Or you may be on the receiving end and have the luxury of spending time with your beautiful children... For me however, I dragged all three of them to the hospital for the first part of the week it was a burden with three bored children trying to amuse them in the hospital was a no go. But then we found some excitement by Lake Ontario... Wading through all the garbage, and I'm not kidding about the garbage that washes up onto shore. We had a nice long walk down the path and two two separate parks along the beaches. I took some pictures although I won't be putting any of the kids on here, you can see the rather HUGE swan we met and a few vogue snapshots of some seagulls...

http://mousecrash.com/LakeOntario

An update on mom:

For literally 11 years now, my mom has been sick, diagnosed close to 19 years ago her quality of life decreased slowly. Unlike the patients with fast deterioration she had time to adjust to her new way of life. It was almost normal to see her panting, purse lip breathing or just plain ol' struggling to do simple things like put her socks on in the morning. This had lead to a certain level of dependence on her part. No one wants to be dependent on others, no one wants to be a burden.

Post transplant we have come to some new and exciting crossroads in our lives. Previously being involved in so much of the care. Getting oxygen tanks ready, worrying about not having enough. Modifying our house so that she could live on a main floor that was not designed for this type of thing. It was not nearly as much a burden as one would think. Once again I remind you that over 11 years you slowly become introduced to the care... Then one day, POOF... she can walk again, talk without purse lip breathing etc... Total independence... And until Wednesday of this week that had not set into my mind as reality. I dropped her off for the first time by her self, expecting her to find her way through the hospital... Like a nervous father sending his child to school I walked her into the front doors and pointed to where she was suppose to go... "You go down that hallway mom" I was nervous as all heck but trying not to show her. "Turn into the first door on the left, that's the lab, tell them who you are and they will take care of you" I said with excitement in my voice. "Hey, maybe Francine will be there! Remember to say hi for me ok?" It hit me that I was doing what a parent usually does to instill confidence in their child. So then I drove off, leaving her on her own with cell phone in her hand, my phone number written on a peice of paper, and only God's angels to guide her to the right place. Ok perhaps the hospital signs would work just as well...

I arrived at the first park with the kids and barely got them situated then RING RING RING.. .my cell phone... My mom was lost... hahahahaa "Tell me where you are" I asked... "I'm looking at the booster juice.. " she says to me... hahahaha I laugh on the phone but then finish directing her to the elevators. I told her to call me when she got up to the 12 floor where she does her physio. So about an hour into it she calls and says she's upstairs... I ask her "What took you so long?" Oh I bought myself a muffin and a drink and just finished.

I guess I have nothing to worry about, her dependence on me is finally over, she is a free now and I have learned that. Now I just have to find something to do with my spare time. Perhaps get a job? Oh boy wouldn't that be a treat.... I've applied for many, heard back from none. Has the economy really slumped that far into the hole? I'm not looking to be a rocket scientist, just a plain ol' job where I can do some common task for people. Make some supplimentary income so we won't have to worry about the bills...

That's all for now,
Hope your all having a great day!

Green with envy...

2009-03-17T08:22:00.002-04:00

Last night I tested a cool gadget on my blog called Tokbox it's a totally geeky video conferencing solution that does not require you to install any special software at all and works right in your browser or right from your web page. So I sat here with a few people and made an ass of myself until about 3am.. The software works fairly well but I was not able to get rid of the echo I could hear myself, no one else seemed to hear me echoing...

Ahhh well today is a new day and I've removed the gadget until I can further refine it... I'll be working in what will be my new office today. Actually it's the NW corner of my basement where the furnace lives. It's not an ideal location but since we need my current office space to accomodate my mother's new bedroom... Ahhhh let me just back up for a moment...

Originally several years back we wanted my mom to come live with us, this was before grandma was out of her mind with dementia... My mother refused to leave her, said she felt that granma was not going to do well on her own, and with good reason. Soon enough my nanna started to show signs of dementia. So we asked them both to move to Ontario to live with us. Well trouble with all this was two fold... My mother on oxygen could not navigate stairs, and my nanna who was miserable about the move insisted that with we haul every ounce of her stuff from Calgary to Ontario. Ultimately I had to make a choice and sell my beloved travel trailer and purchase a new utility trailer to haul it all back from Calgary, those were some of the most difficult weeks of my life. The stuff we couldn't fit on the trailer my brother graciously sent after we had arrived home, I think it cost him nearly a thousand bucks to send and pretty much all of it was junk but you know what? It was her junk so we all sacrificed... Anyhow the bottom line in all this is that my mother ended up sleeping in our partitioned dining room area and granny got the run of the basement. Now with my mother having had transplant we want to reclaim our dining room area so mum's the word... She'll be in the basement suite where my office was...

My grandmother's death and it's circumstances I have avoided blogging about because along with it came some hurtful emotions from her side of the family out west in Calgary. I figured if I didin't have anything to say about it I would just not blog about it. Some day though I will release the ugly details. I'm sure you as the blog reader are every bit as familiar as I am about how family can be your worst source of pain sometimes... All that for another day...

So today is St Pattys day eh? Well my wife has some Irish background... And some Native, and Some English etc... So at least for today she's 100% irish and is wearing green and all that... For me, I'll just "STICK" to my green underwear to show my support... I will say this though, I am not particularily fond of snakes, so any guy who has the balls to chase them all out of Ireland has my vote :)

Well, Off I go, putty knife in hand and a nice bright light to install ... Have a great St Pattys day everyone!

Cheers!

Yawn... I am a morning person really I am...

2009-03-14T09:11:00.003-04:00

Luvin' the eBay more and more each day.. Not only does it offer some really good prices if you know where to look, like 16 Gb flash memory for less than 10 bucks. eBay if you use it right can drive a lot of traffic to your other websites. I have approximately 12 websites on the go at any given time, most have minimal content on it, some have products etc and I sell them periodically so some income is generated from that. But the real surprising market to me is simply generating hits to those places, eBay has really increased this... Ten fold!

Very excited about the future of online trading...

Anyhow today looks rather fun, in about an hour I will be taking my daughter to some mall in the GTA to see some famous teen that she really wants to see... :) Woo Hoo... Oh well at least I will get some kind of greasy lunch at the mall.. I love mall food!

Hmmmm, should I even take my camera to take pictures for her or will I just look like some fat hairy pervert with a camera... hahahahaha Who cares, if it makes my daughter happy right?

Cheers!

Just the usual...

2009-03-13T19:23:00.002-04:00

It's officially March break now, we left the house really early in hopes we would avoid the traffic. I had a 9:30am appointment, totally forgot that I would have the kids today so it was a little tricky being at the donor clinic with three kids and a mother... The mother thankfully was more than happy to sit in the snacks room eating peak frean cookies and drinking juice while waiting for me. Then it was off to the TO hospital where I let my mother go on her merry way to the physio room without me because I had the kids with me. The risk of infection for people with suppressed immune systems is high and so while I know my kids at present are in good health and not infected with anything I choose to not let them go to the physio room while their Nana is exercising as to not interfere with anyone elses routine. And so we wandered through the hospital and found ourselves at the local gift shop buying candy and treats for the kids. Is it any surprise to anyone that my oldest "String Bean" bought himself an octopus in a bag of slime with the label "Fear Factor" on it? Nah, didin't think so...

Been enjoying the communication with my family out west by way of twitter. Twitter is best described as something like a short messenger service or SMS but for your desktop, handheld, cell phone or other portable device connected to the cloud. It allows you to broadcast short blurbs to your group of followers or friends... A nifty idea that is much more efficient than facebook which is absolutely filled with spam and unwanted applications now. I have linked my twitter updates with my facebook ones and since I use a plugin for pidgin to allow me to chat live with my facebook friends I rarely log onto facebook anymore.

The only exciting thing that happened today perhaps, as we were motoring along on Adalaide downtown TO a cab drive stomped on his gas pedal while I was changing lanes, he did not want me to have that turning lane for some reason so being the ignorant blork that I am on the road I accelerated and prevented his dominating manouver. He didin't like this much and I ended up with him next to me, both of us windows open calling each other idiots... I am purely of the opinion that most cab drivers just have this opinion that they are better drivers and are entitled to do whatever they want to do.. Including but not limited to stopping in the middle of traffic with 40 cars backed up behind them so they can pick up or drop off a fare. Cutting you off then slowing down by 20km/hr to stroll for prospective fares, and last but not least talk on their cell phone while doing the above mentioned things...

I don't claim to be a good driver, but I am almost sure I'm not the only crappy driver on the road and at 37 years old have never been involved in a car accident... (fingers crossed)

I somewhat finished a products flyer viewable at http://mousecrash.com/flyer/ If you see something there you want send me an email and we can arrange payment and delivery... Those particular items are really time sensitive as the supplier sometimes sells them without notifying me...

Cheers!

All in all, a good day!

2009-03-09T16:36:00.003-04:00

OK so, today, this morning actually my mom and I were struck by fate and endured some long overdue payback I guess... It seems that there is this balance of course that always equals 100... could be 80% bad and 20% good in your day but it always seems to balance out to 100... or from some perspectives, a zero balance meaning no red ink, and no blue ink...

Hunky Dory... Where did that saying come from I wonder... Perhaps some old fashioned television show or something...

Anyhow on to the events of the day...

I had an appointment early in the day 9am with the principal of my kids school... Unfortunately this is also the same time they asked my mother to be at TO to do some Physio therapy before going for her tests... I had to be a good dad and choose my son's appointment over my mom's exercise... Sorry ma, but my kids will always be first priority :) None the less my mother and I were able to get to the hospital to get the PFT test, Xray, and Bloodtests which will be required on a weekly basis. The bad luck we ran into started when we were following a street car down King street in Toronto, a police cruizer was suspiciously close to me and following every inch of the way down the road... About twenty seconds into the low speed pursuit (approximately 5km per hour) the lights went on and I found myself at the side of the road shaking like a leaf on it's journey to the grown from the top of a 100 year old oak tree... Perplexed and wondering what I have done some things ran through my head as the 6 foot something officer walked cautiously up to my driver side window... First but not nearly the most exciting... "I've been framed for Marvin Acme's murder?" Marvin Acme in case you havn't already clued in is the owner of toon town... My next thought is "Nah, Roger Rabbit was already framed for that murder" So what the heck could this police man be pulling us over for? OHHHHHHH Man, that's gotta be it, during my mom's surgery I put a buck twenty five into the pop machine and the machine spit out two cans of coke at once... I didin't pay for the second can of coke... Swiftly I take the empty can that I still have in the drink tray of my car and whisk it under the seat... I roll down the window to greet him, hands still shaking and he says "How are you doing today..." Oh man the interrogation is killing me "Just tell me what I'm goin' down for and slap the cuffs on" It will certainly be easier than the head games cops play... He proceeds to tell me that the sticker on my car is expired and was due in February... "OH SHIT!" I tell him that my mother had a double lung transplant during the time period when I was suppose to renew that and of course with me being so busy with her care and all it slipped my mind.... "Uh Huh!, like I haven't heard that one a thousand times before"... Oh brother, he thinks I'm making it up... "Can I see your drivers license and registration please" As I slowly reach for the glove compartment I'm explaining verbally that I'm just reaching for the information he has requested... A gentle reminder to him that I'm not planning a great escape or anything... I hand over the little green folder with the information in it and almost as soon as I hand it over to him I realize that when we cleaned the car just a couple days prior I had removed all but that folder from the glove box and I think the pink slip he requires is still in a box in my garage... Yup, sure enough the officer says "You do have insurance right? this paper is expired..." OMG now I'm looking at the gun and thinking... If I run things will get worse... I smile nervously and assure him that I have the papers but they are at home... "You wait here and I'll be back in a moment..." Ohhh goody, the next twenty minutes were fun, wondering if this is the day I get my first appearance on the COPS television show... He returns with two nicely written, printed in fact peices of paper, one is "failure to produce valid insurance documents" $65.00, the other "Unregistered vehicle, no valid sticker displayed" UGHHHH $110.00

In a cold and wet tone of voice he says "You have 24 hours to produce your insurance papers..."

"Thank you" I say sarcastically but gentle enough so that I don't get the billy club to the side of my head...

As I roll up the window I say to my mom "OMG I can't afford this, then I drive off still shaking like a leaf...

The day got progressivly better... Parking was an unexpected $25.00 because I was parked during "CLINIC" hours and I was over the three hour limit by approximately .. Uhhh three minutes... Then while leaving the parking lot I drove into a pot hole that I am sure is responsible for many a damaged vehicles... KERPLUNK the tiny little wheel on my Kia barely makes it out of the hole... Cut off by several taxi's as per my usual TO day... But then... Yes then things started to look up when we got to the pharmacy where my mom bought all her pre transplant drugs. They all started to cheer and congratulate her as they saw her walking for the first time to the counter (usually I am pushing her in a wheel chair). The post office charged me 7 dollars for an item that I had calculated would cost 12 WOO HOO profit margin increases are always gravy... Then I arrive at the vehicle registration office expecting to be rejected because I didin't have the updated insurance information... The lady was smiling and flirty and she never asked me for the insurance papers... $75.00 later I have sticker in hand and I'm off to pick up the kids...

All in all, it was a good day! :)

Oh My I forgot to tell you that our now close friend in the hospital's lab was so excited for my mom she gave her a great big hug... And at the clinic appointment there are no signs of rejection or infection so my mom's doing great... Angina is under control, diabetes is under control and it's getting more and more difficult to keep up with the lady who only a few weeks ago was wheel chair bound...

Long winded perhaps, but we are all doing fine... Poor but fine... :)

Cheers!

A quick message to all my blogger friends and family...

2009-03-09T08:07:00.002-04:00

And I mean a really quick note...

Been far too busy to blog, worked all weekend etc, now on our way to regular followup clinic appointments at the TO following a meeting with String Bean's principal to have him re registered back into the school following his successful three weeks as an outpatient student at the hospital...

All is well!

Thank you so much all who have read and kept up with this blog, it was so much easier to blog it all in one place than to keep everyone updated by phone, email, text message etc... Not to mention the extra revenue from the page helped pay for some of the gas to and from TO... A real life saver indeed!

God Bless!

Time Well Spent...

2009-03-05T16:50:00.002-05:00

I spent the better part of the day just doing... Well nothing really... OK this morning I helped my mom take her drugs and then we went together to the local A&P to get a pill box which took us two hours to fill because we were meticulously reading and re reading the prescriptions to make sure it was done right... It was so amazing, us two walking through the store together... Oh sure, she had that face mask on and a pair of rubber gloves, but for us it has truly been 11 years since we could do that without hoses and tanks and people asking if we needed help...

She bounces around like a teenage girl and I'm certain she was smiling under that mask, although all I could see was the rose colored skin that was grey and lifeless before the surgery...

We have been slow cooking some beef stew all day, simmering in a pot, thickening and It's getting more delicious by the minute I can't wait to fill a bowl with it! That will be in about an Hour :)

In and around 5 minutes from now the nurse will be here to make sure she takes her insulin correctly. I know she was a bit ticked that I went ahead and organized all her pills but after all the education they give you at the hospital it's nearly impossible not to be able to handle that stuff yourself...

More great news is on the horizon, my oldest boy "string bean" is being discharged from the day program at the hospital... He's been there now for three weeks during all of this medical madness. It has really helped him emotionally to deal with all of it and hopefully he has taken some skills out of it that will help him succeed. They are now placing him in a longer term but less frequent program that will help him on an ongoing basis through his teenage years etc. I am eternally grateful for the system for recognizing he needed help...

Gotta go stir the stew,

CHEERS!

Home At Last...

2009-03-04T22:27:00.005-05:00

Now we begin phase 2, after the three months post transplant my life should return to some of what it was before the transplant. Until then there are a few responsibilities that I take very seriously. One is making sure she takes her meds... You know they told us over and over again that there are a lot of drugs to take after the transplant and they were not kidding... Because my mom is covered by insurance for most of these meds they are only willing to give us a one month supply except for the supplements and prednisone which I believe are three months supply but I am sure you will be as shocked as I was when I actually layed them out to be organised.

So without any further adue;

More than you expected eh?

Yeah, me too!

OK well I will blog more really soon and perhaps even be able to get a short video interview out of her or something for the blog, she is a bit camera shy though so ehem... "Don't hold your breath!" that was intentional bad humor...

Cheers!

Roller Coaster of Life...

2009-03-03T00:16:00.004-05:00

Well it's been two weeks now, Monday was anyhow... My mom's off all medical support including oxygen and has been enjoying true wireless freedom now for a little over 24 hours... It's funny you know.... She was afraid to take it off... thought she would be in a panic for breath... I can't begin to imagine what that all must have felt like. Being sick...

Just before the call, my mother's lung capacity was estimated between 16 to 25 percent... That's not a lot of lung capacity, each breath was a severe struggle. She was getting one infection after another and it was starting to really look like the end of the line. I remember a week prior to the call she had the meropenum antibiotics via a portable battery powered pump that she was carrying around. And like a trooper she tried to go to the physio therapy room. We parked in the garage and she said, take me to the washroom I have to go before we get upstairs... So to the door we went... There was a bit of a cafuffle and I had a feeling something had gone wrong in there although each time I called into the bathroom... Are you ok? I heard a reply that was barely audible and broken up between gasps of air... "Yeah, i ahhhhh just .... i'll be....... ....... .... ok... " at that point when a lady opened the door for her and she was hanging on to the wheel chair as if it were her only hope I knew that we were in trouble... So instead of the physio room I brought her to the Emergency where she spent several hours and at the end of it all they said there really isn't much more they can do she's already on meropenum and isn't in immediate danger...

So a day later we ended up at the good Respirologist's office looking for some dire help... He is an honest man who has really carried her through all of this since she arrived in Ontario. He has prescribed meds, and therapys that have worked miracles as far as bringing her back to her baseline... He rushed her off to the hospital directly from his office once and even had pre arranged to have us admitted so we did not have to wait when we arrived. But that day... The day we begged for help from him he hung his head down and shook it saying there isn't anything more he can do.. We just have to wait for the call... It was really hard to deal with. I choked back my emotions and didn't for one second show my mother it bothered me. Instead I smiled at her and said "Bahhhh.. don't you worry, the call is coming"

I knew though, my mother was afraid... and as much as I tried to put on my poker face she saw right through it and knew I was afraid too...

So now that that phase is over... we walk the halls each day, meeting up with various people we have met through the program. Some are having a really tough time, one who we knew quite well is not expected to make it after fighting in MSICU for over 8 weeks... His wife, trying to be strong told me this in the elevator just after I broke the news to her that my mom is going home on Wednesday...

After an awkward silence all I could think of saying is, I'm so sorry...

During some of the physio visits we joked and laughed about when the call would come in and how we would react etc.... None of it was true, not a single emotion stood up to it's plan. The entire journey was not at all like we expected.

I wonder sometimes, how other friends are doing. We have not heard from them in over a week. I heard rumors that he was back in physio but I have not caught up with them yet to speak to them...

Today, in the halls I met with the spiritual councellor in the hospital. He was putting up some St Patricks day decorations and as always I joked and made comments on the lighter side... I asked him to come speak with us sometime and told him we are here until Wednesday... Like a man of God should he was enthusiastic about it and told me he is looking forward to our chat. I am not looking for religious guidance but rather advice on how to put our emotions and thanks for the donor family into words. Words that will honor... I somehow have this sense that no matter what we say, what we write down... It will never be quite right, it will not portray what we need to say...

I rationalize what happened to the donor, saying to myself that they would have died no matter what my mother's health was like. I remind myself that in Canada this is a gift, a gift from the donor and their family... And that gifts, must be honored... And in this case the only way I can think of to say that it will be in honor is to remind ourselves that we have a duty to keep her healthy for as long as possible. The gift will live on for as long as we can possibly let it live on and in doing so, I pray they will have peace...

I know, that as I ramble on here my jumbled words can not assemble themselves without some guidance... I am throwing away gramatic license and trading it in for real emotional thought. I care little about the way the sentences are strewn together, I only care to share with you my emotions about it all... To let you see a little about what makes us tick as a family... I intend to work on a project, some kind of project for which the details have not quite come to me yet. I believe in doing this I can get some closure to all this and move on... Until then... I sit.... I mull... and I pray for the family of the Donor... whoever he/she may be...

I ride the roller coaster of life with nothing but a smile on my face and hugs for my kids...

I think this may be enough... I am quite sure actually!

Super fast...

2009-02-26T23:25:00.004-05:00

Wil had abandoned his old blog, no updates since like 2006 but I stumbled upon his latest at http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/ and so I've added it to the blog list in the right column.

Wil is a fellow Linux geek so I've always found his articles rather interesting...

I encourage you to visit his site too...

http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/

Falling asleep at the wheel!

2009-02-25T23:12:00.001-05:00

OK so I had a nap this afternoon, was totally exhausted. Now I feel better, still tired but had to have a nice hot bath before I can go back to bed. I just get too darn itchy if I don't bath before bed...

Today while on my way to the great TO I called the hospital to confirm my mother's location since they were quite sure they were going to move her to the 7th floor. 7th floor is a step down from ICU ... The levels are sort of like this... In MSICU which is short for MedSurg/ICU they literally have three nurses per two patients, very intense you are never left alone. This was immediately following the surgery. Then you go after a few days in my mom's case but not so fast in others case, to Step Down ICU where you have one or two nurses watching two rooms but not so intense, still a lot of vitals monitoring though... So now this is one and a half weeks and to the astonishment of all the doctors and nurses she is on the 7th floor. It's a very relaxed floor where they really rely on you to use your call button if you need anything since there are a few nurses, I counted three, looking after about 20 beds.

She's got a heart monitor connected to her which wirelessly transmits the data to a small server in turn that is connected to a hayes compatible modem which has a constant phone connection to the network and in turn the cardiac unit gets to monitor her 24/7 Well by now you may have figured out that one of the things they are concerned about is her pre existing Angina which may or may not be a problem but from what the doctors tell me. While doing the surgery to replace the lungs it is inevitable to disturb the heart quite a bit... In fact they actually kinda shove it out of the way while they are doing all the manipulating, putting things into place. This seems to have pissed off her heart and so now every once in a while she experiences a strange rythym for which they are monitoring closely. They keep telling me over and over not to be concerned about this and with any luck she will be home by Monday... OMG to me that just seems entirely too quick but whatever.

I attended "self med" class today, to learn about the three antirejection drugs that she will need to take for the rest of her life. I believe, but at this point i'm not really certain that my mom's age qualifies her for 100 percent coverage of these medications... And believe me this is a sigh of relief because we have a friend (anonymous) who when picking up their first batch of meds on the way home had to pay around 900 dollars out of pocket... OUCH! The whole process of getting her to transplant has been very expensive for us, I plan on breaking it all down and will display it if anything only so I will be prepared at tax time to try to reclaim some of it as a caregiver's expense... Wear and tear on our new car has been around 20 thousand kilometers, this is purely trips to and from the hospital for physio therapy and we still have three months post transplant that are required...

I am glad the transplant is over to say the least... To see her breath effortlessly is something of a mystery to me. Although one of the fascinating things for me to witness is how occasionally she will breath quick and shallow like she did before.. Not because she's in distress but because her mind still thinks she has to breath this way... When reminded that she has a new pair of lungs she takes a deeeeeeep clean breath of air and it is amazing each time...

I think about the donor family often, wonder what they are like, if they live in Toronto, or Ontario, or even Canada for that matter.... I wonder if their grieving is at all comforted knowing they have helped others to live... I wonder now that it's a week and a half if their funeral is over and their lives finding some normality again... I too have seen a lot of death, our family has in the past seen more deaths closely related to us than we would consider normal... I guess people are suppose to experience at least one death every 7 years, statistics that are biased when it comes to reality. We have seen 7 in 7 years, but not one per year so there is certainly no justice in it.

Please don't confuse my need to record it all as complaining... I am merely reflecting, making sense of it all so that I can continue on... I am not a miserable person as my texts may sometimes portrait... In fact, anyone who knows me knows that I am happy most of the time, or at least have the outward appearance that I am... I enjoy the company of family and friends, but have never really gotten over my awkward social ineptitude.

I have moved on, and so should you...

I am looking forward to the doctors promise of removing the last two chest tubes from my mother, and then as a result of that the cathader will also be removed giving her ultimate freedom. She will then be free to roam the hospital with me, possibly go get a timmies coffee with me for the first time in several weeks... Ohhhhh the timmies Coffee.. I plan on blogging all about that soon, just with the silly heart monitor tying up the phone line I was unable to dial out with my laptop... I guess I'll give priority to her heart monitor over my internet connection, but just for this one time... hahahaha

All in all, things are good... I see a glimmer of spring being just around the corner, and I look daily at the area beside my house where I hope to run a rototiller in preparation for the garden I so badly want to start this year...

That's all for now, I will blog soon about my Son's sucesses in the hospital day program he's been attending for the past three weeks... I think he has one more week of it, and Jody and I have another family meeting to learn how to deal with his conditions... Diagnosed finally after 11 years of seeking we finally have a base line to deal with the strange inner workings of his mind...

Whew, just in time as I am falling asleep at the wheel!

A week later...

2009-02-24T08:10:00.000-05:00

A quick post cause we are on our way out the door here but Mom's doing very well, after only a couple of days after surgery she was sitting in a chair and has been getting stronger every day. While listening in on the conversations of the doctors I learned that the donor lungs tested positive for influenza virus. Thankfully post transplant my mother's immune system had been somewhat prepared for the flu through immunization however with suppressed immune system she is now experiencing mild flu symptoms and has thrown up a little bit. With gravol and anti viral drugs she is expected to make her way through this. This is considered a minor set back.

There is also a pre existing heart issue called angina that she had dealt with for many years. After surgery they had stopped giving her the nitro patch that she had to control this and so her angina has returned. Yesterday the cardiologist prescribed the patch again and so things should return to normal that way.

I know this may all seem like serious things, they really are not in the grand scheme of things. Rejection is well controlled and she is much stronger than expected for the recovery time thus far so things are in good shape from doctors and nurses perspectives. Sadly though the lady who was in her room and who went through the same surgery only hours before her did not make it and passed away yesterday... It was emotionally difficult for me to see the family greiving and I was very happy that two days prior to that they had already moved my mom to the step down unit so she was not exposed to the news. We wanna keep everything positive.

Now a quick note about people who wish to visit my mother... In a couple of days she will be able to accept visitors and I know a few of you have asked about this. Please remember, no hugs or contact. This is simply a means of infection control as her immune system is suppressed and drugs are doing the job of fighting infections etc. No flowers either... Honestly don't bring gifts at all, if you want to give something, consider donation :) Blood donation, sign your donor card etc.. It really is the best thing you can do to show you care...

Have a great day, and once again thanks for reading the blog, it has been a source of emotional stability for my family and also a surprising source of income!

Cheers!

Where do I go from here?

2009-02-21T09:26:00.000-05:00

How does a guy thank someone he's never met for saving his mother's life... I have thought about this for the past two days and can not come up with a clear answer. Perhaps it will become clear in time but I am so utterly lost for words on this... And so for now, until something conjures up in my mind, I will stew in my own thoughs. It's not that I don't have anything to say about it, I am extremely grateful. Just don't know how to say it with as much power as it deserves.

Since that night, many images have conjured up in my mind about the donor family. Most of these images presented to me in the form of a group of close family, parents grieving, brothers and sisters asking why. It brings a tear to my eye when I think about how they had to hurt so that our family can rejoice. And when I put myself in that very same position I can only comfort myself knowing that I could do the same. Donation is so important and I have to believe that in some way it will help a grieving family to get some good out of something so bad... We all die, and some day I may be on the other end of that spectrum. Until then, I have become a blood donor as well as signed up with the onematch.ca network to be a bone marrow donor. These are things that I can do now to help give back at least some of what we received.

The gift of life, a gift like no other...

To end this simple blog I have much to say, but can only blog it out portion by portion because my thoughts have been overwhelmed. Even something as complex as "where do we go from here" has become topic in my mind. I mean, my entire daily routine was centered around her care and now as she recovers I will need to return to some sort of normal daily routine, whatever that may be. I will seek out some new employment since as a result of this my old employment has somewhat fallen away from me. New challenges, new experiences... I go now to begin shaping my future, my families future...

Thanks for reading, I know there have been many that have dropped by and also thank you for helping to support me financially through the visits to this page.
Cheers!

A mouth full of... Uh, Timmies?

2009-02-19T04:01:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday I went to visit Dorothy in the hospital. I had hoped she would have her breathing tube out but was not prepared for what I walked in to. First off, I will explain a bit about how their ICU works there. You arrive at the correct floor and before ever getting to the ICU itself there is a room for visitors, all visitors report here where there are two telephones, a public access terminal via thin client and about 50 chairs. Not to mention a little tv/lounge area complete with a fish tank. Visitors are expected to dial a number on the phones and ask for permission to visit their relatives. This system is in place because there are two beds to a room and they are really strict on keeping dignity high. Meaning that you could walk into the room while someone is bleeding out through an artery or coding or even just having phisio therapy done, exposing them to the room they are in and it would make things very uncomfortable for both staff and visitors and possibly patient if they are conscious and awake.

So, I call as soon as I arrive and they tell me that she is not quite ready, they are working with her so I am to wait 5 minutes... 30 minutes pass I call back and they say yes she is ready now please come in. As I walk into the room "expecting to see her laying there all puffed up again from the trauma" I instead see her out of her bed and sitting in a lounge chair with no breating tube in, smiling ear to flippin' ear. She makes her attempt to say hello but it comes out sounding more like a hamster getting stepped on by a 240 pound man with a limp. Shaking my head in disbelief she offers her hand up in the air towards me and says "Timmies, need timmies!!!" hahahaha I burst out into laughter. Now I must remind you, we are talking about a lady who a little more than 48 hours prior had major life altering surgery. Double lung transplant that went extremely well but is still such severe trauma that most people endure complications beginning with the first 48 hours. For the next few minutes before the physio therapy people came in I talked with her and with the nurses permission promised I would return with a small timmies coffee. Still can't believe that she did that...

So off to the food court I go to give them a chance to do their physio, I talk to the chicken lady who is super excited about my mom's recovery. The chicken lady for those who do not know is the asian lady who works at the wing machine in Toronto General Hospital... I do not know her name, not because she hasn't told me but because of my sheer ignorance and lack of ability to pronounce her name. I wouldn't even attempt to reproduce it once I heard it the first time I had already given up. Anyhow, next step was to the coffee shop where I picked up the small timmies only this time. For the first time in our lives I had to ask for substitute sweetner because now my mom is a full blown diabetic and will be insulin dependant for the rest of her life. There are many miracle drugs that get people through this sort of thing but as part of the side effects, especially with the prednisone. You often become a diabetic.

I return to the room and witness the biggest smile I have ever seen, she is literally in withdrawl from the coffee she so much enjoyed daily in her pre transplant state. It was one of the things that started her engine every day and it has proved to be a the carrot in front of the cart post transplant. As I sit down and get ready to chat with my mom, the surgeon comes into the room and we have our emotional thank you etc with him humbly saying bah it was nothin'... just routine procedure... Then shortly after that a team of doctors, nurses and residents come in.. Apparently they were summoned by the nurse who was astounded at the leaps in recovery she has made. The nurse explains to the team while I'm in earshot that Dorothy has just gone for a walk. One of the obviously seasoned nurses there in her official sounding voice says "She was able to move around the room here? that's great for such a short time post" The nurse then exclaims in a high volume "NO! she walked through the entire ward, around the entire loop!" Assisted by two nurses who had an IV pole on each side and two blood drainage box, it would have looked more like a large tree that had been uprooted and placed on a truck bed now driving down the highway with all the roots and branches hitting things on the side of the road... WOW!

Subborn woman my mom is, and I know I can safely speak for my brother in saying that both of our families are so proud of her. And I am so very happy to have a brother to lean on in times like this. Life can be so stressful at times. This right now is an up time for my family and I, we are all on a natural high. And don't for one second think that we don't know something can go wrong... But as my brother and brother in law have always said, when it's there, take it!

You know, one of the greatest pieces of advice I have recieved in my life was from my older brother. My brother and I were as close as we could be being 4 years apart in age and burdened by ordinary family dysfunction. I think we have both come a long way from those days and we have been able to identify with each other on some level which has always been fantastic for me. I was applying for a job as a teenager and was so very frightened, I remember asking him how I was gonna get through it all and that I was scared. He said so simply to me and it just made no sense at all at first "Nothing is ever as difficult as it appears before you do it" After getting the job, and starting to work at it I realised what he meant by that... I wondered why I was so darn worried over nothing. Well the same has been true for every event in my life... Everything from becoming a father to walking beside my mother through her transplant journey. "Nothing is ever as difficult as it appears before you do it"

'nuff said!

Now I shall go take a hot bath and return to my comfortable pillows for a couple more hours of sleep...

Oh and I'm anxiously awaiting a call from a potential employer today! I could really use the work...

Cheers!

A new week...

2009-02-17T07:50:00.000-05:00

Woke up today feeling like a truck had run over me... I am still smiling though as I wipe away the piles of sand that have collected under my eyes. I am ready for the new week after such an exciting weekend and I have a lot to do.

Mail an eBay package, Deliver two of the three kids to their school, drop the wife off at work, bring the third child to clinical classes at the local hospital, then make my way to the hospital to visit my mother.

I don't speak enough about my wife for sure, she deserves much more than I could ever deliver to her. Through the many years we have been together she has been like a sister and friend to my mother. I have no idea how they get along so well but they do. Her strength is amazing and her tolerance towards my needs outstanding. I could not have picked a better person to spend the rest of my life with. She tells me every day that she loves me and more importantly she shows me through all the caring things that she does. She has picked up the slack while my employment has lacked and calms me down when the world makes me upset. I just don't know what I would do without her... Really I have no idea, I would be a lost little boy without her...

Anyhow, I can see that beautiful blue sky outside and the sun is calling me to go shower in It's rays so I'm not about to put off such an invitation...

Cheers!

Lets hope for smooth sailing...

2009-02-16T16:21:00.000-05:00

I usually don't like to blog from the public access terminals but this time i think i will make an exception. In the three hours that i've been here today i have been able to see her three times... After the fourth visit I think I will go home and go be with the family as per today's theme holiday "Family Day!" Hooray, well what shall we do... We certainly have a lot to be happy about and I think a nice little dinner out of the house would be really nice.

I am fighting off the urge to cough while I am in the hospital because of course lung transplants and colds are not a good thing... I think though at this point in time that it's actually just the dry air that i've been subjected to for the past couple of days. Lots of crying and laughter all in the same day tends to help dry things out somewhat as well.

Seeing lots of familiar faces again today and it's such an amazing experience seeing the same people who we spent so many months in physio with. All but one so far has been done as well. Thanks to that Ex Vivo Lun Perfusion study they have really been able to step up the amount of transplants being done.

I am sitting in the waiting room clicking away at an old style AT keyboard. Well i'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The phone just rang they said I can come back in and see my mom so away I go for now... :)

So far So good...

2009-02-16T05:24:00.000-05:00

Dorothy's transplant was free from complications. In fact the surgeon was quite pleased that it could be done in less time than usual, he said it went perfectly. There is very little bleeding and she is stable in every sense of the word. I will keep you all closely updated in the next few days as these are crucial as far as bleeding and infection go.

I did write an offline document that I had intentions of uploading and I still will but it may seem a bit out of order with this one and it will certainly be a day late. I just couldn't go to sleep without some sort of blog entry though so here it is.

Got the call @ 7:45am Sunday morning, waited and waited... She went into surgery at 8:00pm, pacing back and fourth etc had a bit of a journey in the hospital that I will elaborate on later... Her surgery finished at 3:10am and I spoke to the most amazing surgeon who completed this amazing task @ 3:15am. He had nothing but smiles on his face and good news about the surgery...

Now before I go to bed, I want to tell you the most important thing about this entire procedure... There are hundreds of people involved in the care of a transplant patient. We have seen amazing doctors/nurses/support staff etc Physio/Bloodwork etc countless tests to this point... But... There is a team of people who are more important than all of the hundreds of dedicated and believe me, appreciated professionals... And only ONE person who made this all possible... The Donor and his or her family...

Thanks to you our donor, my mother has a chance to see several more years with her grand children. Has the chance to live a quality of life that is not limited to her bedroom and the hallway to the bathroom. She can once again, go out and explore the world, free from the oxygen tubes, the gasping for breath and the low quality of life that was her world until today... In your great tragedy, we have found hope. In your sadness, we have found joy... We are forever in your debt.

Thank you...

Surgeon Came by to give us some good news.

2009-02-15T14:47:00.000-05:00

The Thorasic surgeon came to speak to us and give us a promising update. They will perfuse the lungs for the next 3 hours (It is now 2:45pm) to see if they are suitable for transplant. The Lung Perfusion Study is something that we signed up for in hopes that it would provide some major improvements in the science of the future. We never dreamed that it would be so quick to begin helping people like us today. Toronto once again has pioneered the way through medical break through and we are so proud to be a part of that. Had we not been in the study group these lungs would not have been suitable and therefore would not have been presented to us as an option. As amazing as the donor and donor's family are to have given us this chance, to have given the gift of life, sometimes the organs just aren't suitable and we are prepared for that.

No matter what the outcome of the day, be it a sucessful transplant, a problematic one with good recovery overall, or even the possibility of death. Our family will move forward through all of it in the best way we know how... "Together!"

Now I need to find a way to kill off a few hours without stressing out over it all. Blogging does help but with the slow dial up connection it can be frustrating. I am unable to offer the same links to explainations about things such as the lung perfusion study itself so you'll have to do some googling. Just type in "Lung Perfusion Study Toronto General Hospital" should work just fine...

Cheers!

Next update will be when they take her into OR or if they come tell us it's not going to happen.

Don't count your chickens...

2009-02-15T13:27:00.000-05:00

My mother always told me not to count my chickens before they are hatched. I guess I have always held back before giving out news... Always wanted to make sure that all my ducks were in a row... But we got yet another call to go to the TGO to have her lung transplant... And while I don't want to jinx the chances I wanted to let people know, my support group regularily comes to visit me here... Know that I may be calling you by telephone soon if my mom really does go into the OR...

That being said, they are a little behind schedule to go to the OR so like both times before the feeling is starting to set in that mabey this isn't the one again...

One can only sit and wait... It's up to the doctors now.

Ughhhh, I hate waiting!

I will keep you all posted each and every time something new comes up. But instead of calling everyone on the phone I will write it all here. With the exception of my brother who does not spend a lot of time reading blogs etc as he is busy with the business of running a farm and construction company. For him I will extend a phone call, for everyone else this will be the main source of Dorothy's progress...

Hopefully you'll hear that she's in the operating room in my next blog...

2009-02-14T17:56:00.001-05:00

It's not that I don't have anything to blog about... I've just been so gall darn busy the past week so this place has only been in my thoughts a few times.

Lets recap a bit... The day I thought would be a nightmare logistically trying to get people to their appointments? Yup I was right, it was a complete and utter disaster... Dropped string bean off at his clinic appointment in the morning, scrambled to get my mother to her support group meeting but missed that entirely, traffic was horrendous. I did get her to her 1:30pm clinic appointment but the damn clinic was so behind she didn't get seen until 3pm, at which time I had to leave her to go pick my son up from the clinic in brampton for 4:00pm... So needless to say with the trips back and fourth to Toronto, between getting my kids and returning to pick up my abandoned mother in Toronto I did not get home until 8:00pm. As per usual my nerves were shot from the commute...

My daughter made me smile today though while we were out she had a fist full of fuzzy purple things, I think it was a scarf of something... She held up her fist and proclaimed... "I have A FIST OF FURRY" Oh boy I split a gut at her attempt at humor... :)

Hmmm, and then there was the day just after the nightmare logistics where I fell down the damn stairs... My daughter coming home from school and rushing down the stairs with me at the bottom I was so thankful she was there... So what does she do? She hops over me and says "I'm gonna use the computer ok daddy? Thanks!" I hobble my way over to my workstation where I sit and recover, unaided by my own family and to this day she still does not realize that she was so focused on the computer that she left me to die at the bottom of the stairs... All I could do was think "She's a chip off the old block"

The Physio room... Oh the glorious physio room... We are suppose to be there at 9:30am ish... Well we strolled in on Friday at more like 11:00am barely had an hour to finish her physio which was alright because my mom can only do around 10 minutes on the treadmill and the same on the bike... That last infection really cut her down...

To top the week off, I recieve a news letter with one of the kids school things that says that there is an outbreak of "Fifth Disease" at our kids school... OMG now the paranoia sets in as I worry that they will bring it home to the family... My mother, who is on immuno suppressants is particularily at risk...

Well, all in all the week went rather swell. :) Doesn't sound like it did to you? well that's cause you don't live my life... If you did you'd realize that days like these are fantastic and appreciated because they are somewhat uneventful.

A lot of stuff doesn't ever get to see the light of the computer monitor... Mostly because I do not want to offend people. One day however I plan to vent it all no matter who it offends. Today is just simply not the day...

Cheers!

Not much in a blogger mood...

2009-02-10T19:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had an overwhelming urge to sleep. So much so in fact that I slept for most of the day, then slept for most of the night too. I had a crick in my neck from all the sleep and only now I'm feeling back to my old self...

Why is it sometimes ya just have to crash...

Tomorrow I'm in a bit of a pickle as far as scheduling and time goes... I have overbooked, shoved in appointments and otherwise badly organized the day and I am not quite sure how I'm going to get out of the mess...

I'll explain...

7:00am my "baby gurl" needs to be dropped off to the ski shuttle because she's going skiing with her ski team.

9:00am Drop wife off at work.

9:30am - 10:30am Need to drop "string bean" off at his hospital classes. Right here in the city where we live.

11:00am Had plans to be at the support meeting at the Toronto General (that leaves 30 minutes to drive a 1 hour route.

1:00pm Clinic appointment in Toronto which follows the support meeting. Trouble with this is the damn clinic always makes us severely late for picking up the kids.

3:30pm pick up "String Bean" from the Hospital, then "Baby Gurl" from Ski team bus, then Wife, and finally "Dozer" from his friends house. (a neighbor)

Ughhhhhhh, And you just know if anything more than a cat crossing the road occurs it will all be messed up and I'll be on the phone apologizing etc to this person and that person...

Oh well, we will just have to see how things go!

Physio went well today in Toronto... Asside from the expected but severe oxygen saturation drops when mildly exercizing, she did rather well. It was really erie to not see the regular people in the room. And one of the ones who had their transplant done and who has returned to the room looked exhausted and unwell. Despite that he pushed himself to finish his exercize circuit and still found a way to be funny in between...

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Office Snapshot

2009-02-08T10:01:00.001-05:00

Took a picture of my home office after cleaning it up for the tax man, thought it would be a good time to share it with you before it gets messy... So now you see where I sit and do my ebaying and other geek related work.. Including all my blogging...

This is my Oasis!

This is a story about the day before today.

2009-02-08T07:14:00.000-05:00

Abbreviated version:

Woke up 5am, puttered around on the puter, checked my ebay etc...
Showered then found that my kids woke up just cause they knew I'd be working early, I got the birthday hug from them I didn't think I'd get.
Went to the job aforementioned in previous post and worked a 12 hour day.
The nice boss bought me breakfast and lunch... From a place called Orsella's. Philippino food, it's friggin' delicious stuf I tell ya.

OK screw the abriviated part, I just can't put all that fantastic stuff into a list... Just isn't gonna happen today... Did you know philippino cuisine includes a dish that is made from lung? hahahahaha I joked with my boss who also coincidentally delivers oxygen to my mother. I said "Hey, can I get some of that lung to go? My mom needs lungs..." In actuality though the cuisine known as lung is rather disgusting. It's rubbery and spicy. Ughhhh

My family lead by my wife had a HUGE feast planned out for me, they fed me (gluten free) pizza & chicken wings, had chips, ice cream etc... Bought me presents and surprised me with a gluten free cake that my daughter made for me. OH MY GOD, do you have any idea how friggin' amazing my family is? I love them so much and would not even get out of bed if it wasn't for them. I was so exhausted from having done 12 hours physical labour after not being in a real physical job since working for my brother like 5 years ago. And I felt so ashamed that I was beat down to the last ounce of strength. I could barely blow out the... 36 candles, they couldn't fit 37 of them on the cake.. hahahah but still, there was a good flame, literally... I could feel the intense heat from it and I really paniced when I saw my daughter carrying the cake past my mother's face... everyone smiling I reached out and gently guided her to a safe distance away from the oxygen tubing that my mom wears 24/7

Probably the best possible topper to the day was how my daughter, sweet wonderful girl that she is put cream on my sore achy feet... I fell asleep before she had finished but I remember her hugging me and saying "Good night daddy, I love you..." Ah damn it now I need to wipe the keyboard...

There were other good things too though, like througout the day I recieved facebook and twitter messages over and over again "Happy birthday Don..." It put a smile on my face each time my phone beeped with a new greeting from an online friend or relative.

Fantabulous Eh?....

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Is it any wonder why I am Addicted to King Geek himself?
Chris Pirillo! http://chris.pirillo.com/how-to-piss-off-a-nerd/
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Maligayang Kaarawan

2009-02-07T05:17:00.000-05:00

A little known fact about me is that I worked in a college and was surrounded by co workers who were predominantly from the philippines. During the 7 years that I worked there I picked up some Tagalog dialect. Kumusta (How are you?), things like that. Little short sayings that made lunch time with my fellow workers fun and new. But the one that always stuck in my head was "Maligayang Kaarawan" which simply means "Happy Birthday!". The philippino's always fascinated me because everytime they had a birthday they were always so happy and enthusiastic, but it wasn't always the people around them who would bring gifts and start the celebration. Often it was the birthday person themselves... She/He would actually bring gifts for other people and food... OMG you wanna talk about a feast? I never ate so much delicious but strange food as I did when I was with the philippinos. Anyhow, the idea of presenting gifts and food to the people around them shows me that they love life. They recognize that celebrating a birthday is not just about them, it's about the people in their life who love and adore them...

So now that just brings me to a simple fact about today, It's My Birthday!!!

So lets se... Ummmm 2009 - 1972... Ummm that would be... 9 -2 = 7 blah blah blah... I"m 37! WOO HOO! Ughhh my back is sore... and what's that funny taste in my mouth... Cough Cough... Why am I up at 5:28AM? what the heck is going on with me, this isn't me!

I got a call yesterday evening from the fella who deliver's oxygen to my mom. He was offering some work to me so of course I said yes, I'm ready to work... Coincidentally he is philippino. "So can you be at my house at 6:30am?", "yeah tomorrow morning?" I asked him... "yes!". Hmmmm "Sure!, No problem" I replied. So here I sit blogging at now 5:30am on my birthday, just about to step into the shower so I don't smell like old cheese.

My only regret is I can't hug my kids first thing in the morning like every other birthday I've had with them... But I will make up for it with lots of hugs when I get home tonight!

Hang in there friend, I can't wait to see you again but I understand you need time to get proper and strong!

Thanks friend...

2009-02-06T20:06:00.000-05:00

For the past 18 years, my mother has been living the life of a person diagnosed with a genetic illness called "Alpha1 Anti trypsin Deficiency". For the most part she has been able to have a decent quality of life. Doggedly determined to not give up when times are tough has carried my mother through the first stages of her disease. This disease, passed from parents to children inevitably causes serious lung and or liver disease at various ages of life. Now, she exists in what the hospital has phrased "End Stage Disease" Barely a day goes by when we do not hear this term, the words slap us in the face like branches as we go full speed ahead through the forest on the all terrain vehicle called transplant. In my mother's case, because she only inherited one of the two defective genes related to Alpha1, her disease has progressed rather slowly. For the past 6 months however, my mother's condition has been deteriorating rapidly. Her journey, and my part as primary caregiver may soon come to an end. I am praying with all my heart that this ultimate end to a phase in our lives comes after she receives her gift of life and not because her gift never arrived. To see her living with some sort of quality of life again would be not only a gift to her, but to her many grand children who love her dearly. We understand that this gift comes at a price, someone has to die for her to receive the gift. But consider something before you shrug it off as a selfish request. I know I have rationalized my own death, knowing that some day my misfortune may benefit someone who is in a similar situation to my own. I have sat in the lobby at a hospital wondering what the name of the donor will be. Or what their lives were like before they met their demise. I have broken down in tears not because I know my mother will die, but because her quality of life in the last few years of her life has been so poor. I want nothing more than to just see that quality of life improve for the remainder of her life. I began this blog process in response to a dear friend that I lost to Cancer, her husband blogged to get through the process. With God at his side he has triumphed over his tragedy and found a way to move on. And as such, my journey as a caregiver has been documented in this blog for several months. I am hoping to receive a similar gift of comfort through my writing. Now, open for anyone to read but most certainly not written solely for the public, my blog goes on. I write for several reasons, one such reason being to let my frustrations out. If I have a bad day then I literally transfer the pain, anguish, fear, and worry to words on a computer screen. The real emotions literally melt away as I write. I have met first hand hundreds of people at the hospital, online, and on the street who are fighting for stability, hoping to live long enough to receive their gift. Through determination and difficult course of treatment, the hospitals and organizations involved in multi-organ transplant give well over 100% effort in saving lives like my mother's. Ultimately though, the research programs, surgeons, doctors, nurses and every other support group involved are simply not enough. Without you! and what we have now coined as "The Gift Of Life" people like my mother do not stand a chance. It has been amazing, up to this point the support and love that I have received through the blog and especially through the people we have met at the hospital. Our home away from home...

Thanks childhood friend, you put a smile on my face tonight...

Sincerely,
Don Millette.

A reason for everything in life...

2009-02-06T19:20:00.000-05:00

Whether you believe in God or not, it's really hard to deny certain circumstances that bring us together as people, or tear us apart for that matter. It all seems so planned, or at least organized in some way that is massively out of reach for our limited brain... Today I had a childhood friend reflect on a recent post of mine and it inspired her to blog about it at her own website, I would encourage you to read it and consider following her simple request to consider organ and bone marrow donation which I can assure you touches so many lives.

Step 1: Click on the tree image above,
Step 2: Enjoy her awesome website,
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 & 2 until it sinks in.

Cheers!

Clarification and HOLY CRAP!

2009-02-06T08:48:00.001-05:00

First off I must clarify something, after receiving a message from a friend about them having A blood type I thought, Hrmmmm if my friend has the same blood type as me then why is mine supposedly so rare... Turns out that it's not the A part that is rare, it's the RH- part. Most people on the earth have RH+ which is also true in primates. RH- people don't seem to share the same blood grouping as primates... What it means? probably not a whole heck of a lot but I still find it cool that I'm somewhat unique or in a minority group. YAY! There is a really interesting but somewhat errrrr.. strange article about my odd blood type. Read about it HERE!

Now on to the HOLY CRAP!

Over the past 6 months we have forged a friendship with two really great people, they have shared our frustrations in the world of organ transplantation as they were also on the list... This morning as I prepared myself for the meeting I will have here in my home office with a very important person (unidentified at this time). I got a text message indicating a new email...

Subject: (friend) being transplanted right now!

I began to tremble with a wave of PURE excitement.... WOW! and ummm... "HOLY CRAP!" ahahahahahaa You have no idea how amazing it feels to know that your newly found friend will now have a chance to once again live a semi normal existance.

Now to further explain why I'm so thrilled, out of all the people in the transplant group and I do dearly love them all. This person I felt simply "MUST" get his transplant done. And although I had not said anything I could visibly see that he wasn't doing as well as he pretended. He and his "new wife" yeah that's right, he's recently married like just before going on the transplant list. That says something for the power of love eh? They are two nice people who deserve this oppourtunity.

Now at this time I can see some light at the end of our transplant tunnel, my mother is starting to feel better and was able to make the climb down, then up the stairs in our home for the first time in over two weeks. This means that she will be strong enough to be a viable transplant patient once again. We will undoubtedly be in the physio room once again on Tuesday come hell or high water!

My thoughts and prayers go out to you friend and your wife :)

Cheers!

What a great day!

2009-02-05T19:55:00.000-05:00

Ok I'll start by reminding everyone about the fact that I gave blood to the blood bank for the very first time in my life a few weeks ago. I figured heck I spend three days a week at the hospital waiting for my mom to finish her physio therapy so why not do something while I wait. I know what a strange thing to do... Well I've had so many frappachino's at the coffee shop there that I kinda lost interest in them. Whip cream and all...

So the jist of it is this... I GOT MY CBS CARD i'm so happy... and the letter they sent with it explained that I have some super rare blood type which I will share with you now just in case you need blood or something. Seriously I mean it... :) anyhow my blood type is "A RH NEG" and apparently most people are RH POS. I share my blood type with only 6% of humans on the planet, that's pretty cool in my books!

Cool event number two... I've been selling a lot of stuff on EBay and using my business's shipping discounts to squeeze every last dime out of my sales. Today the venture one program sent me a prepaid envelope that I can use to send anything I like anywhere in Canada free of charge. As long as it fits in that envelope. And it's overnight expresspost shipping so that's pretty damn cool!

Cool event number three... I have the tax guy coming tomorrow to help me sort out my retail sales tax nightmare, try to make heads or tails of it all. But that's not the cool part... The cool part is I spent several hours cleaning the shipping area and office area in the basement of my house so it not only looks somewhat like a work area, it's clean!

I'm gonna be posting a few new adverts on ebay in the next day or two so if your interested in any of them let me know so I can make sure to give you a great price just cause your my blogger friend :)

HP scanner, Wireless router (linux firmware), and possibly an Intel print server. Oh and a set of four cctv camera brackets... All will be auctioned starting at one penny so get in on the great savings while ya can.... hahahaha

I'm such a sales guy... Just need the Herb Tarlic from WKRP in Cincinatti eh?

Cheers!

It's always nice to unwind...

2009-02-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

Well for me unwinding means sitting in front of my 37" LCD monitor and firing up the ol' html editor to waste some time designing this and that in cyberspace. I spent some time unwinding at Chris Pirillo's chat room while he recorded three of his videos. It's a strange phenomenon, Chris has at any given time 300 plus people in his chat room. Needless to say it gets rather confusing sometimes.

I've officially recieved permission from EBay in the form of an email to include a link to my mousecrash.com page. For me this will serve a few purposes... One is that the buyers will see that I am a person like anyone else who is willing to expose my personal blog pages to them. Could bring a level of trust to them as buyers. Also it will increase the traffic to my pages which in turn generates income for me. No, I don't think I'm some fantastic web designer, in fact I use a wysiwyg editor to make most of the pages because I hate fumbling through CSS and notepad type web design. I am quite familiar with a few dozen html tags, I just think it's dumb not to use an object oriented design that will place all the CSS in the proper places for you. Dynamically you can set things where you like them.

Now, about today... My personal dealings...

I thought my mother was ready to return to the physio room however shortly after entering the building she began to fall apart physically. Straining for breath and starting to panic. So I took her to the emergency where they swiftly began to treat her as if she was having an athsma attack. For now it has settled her down but I think we are now going to take the entire week off of the hospital thing and I will keep a close eye on her to make sure she can breath.

Life sure is a delicate balance of insanity and chance eh?

Until next time...

Cheers!

Superbowl Sunday

2009-02-02T08:26:00.000-05:00

Now I simply can not speak for other geeks but am I the only one that doesn't give a rats ass about the Super Bowl? I'm not a sports fan by any means, I'd much prefer to watch a person try to wiggle their way in through an open port on my router. I've got far better things to blog about than sports... What does interest me about the Super Bowl is the advertising, all that money. Whoa, all that money! We as a family spent the better part of the evening... well actually from 5pm - 9pm watching movies and such together, it was nice and we had a good giggle or two at what we were watching it. It was a great way to avoid all the Super Bowl fuss.

In my mother's world, the Meropenum seems to be working, my mother's breathing is beginning to stabilize and she is able to walk about the house with a bit more ease. Looks like we may be taking her to Physio tomorrow although I'm sure it's going to take a bit of motivation to get her out the door. I am up to the challenge.

And last but not least help me out and go bid on some of the items in my ebay list, just click on "Don's Ebay" located on the red menu bar at the top. Come on guys, I need some cash to buy a micro spirometer for my mother and you need a 1918 penny don't you?

Cheers!

It's getting difficult to stay level headed.

2009-01-31T10:24:00.001-05:00

Well there in the distance, it appears to be yet another flicker of light that is physio. Yeah it's a pain in the a$$ to get out to Toronto, risk getting a ticket on the side of the road and actually get my mom to her physio appointments. But at the same time, when she's there I know she's stable and doing well. It's almost two weeks since we have been to physio. After my battle with a cold ended hers began. one and a half weeks later she's on Meropenum administered by an IV pump at home and she's miserable. The dangers here do not come from just merely having a cold. We all get colds, and we cough and we wheeze etc. The problem is when your a person who has 25% lung function remaining and you literally don't have the strength to blast the snotty little bastards out of your lungs. I say only by pure witness that unlike you and I who will continually cough until the shit comes out of you and into a kleenex, a person with end stage Alpha1 has about three coughs (not even decent ones) before they become seriously endangered. I witness her over and over begin to panic because there is a glob of phlem stuck in her airways. So for the past week I have been by her side, always within earshot to listen for when she coughs. We make sure that her BIPAP device is always next to her so I could quickly put it over her face if she gets to a point where she can no longer breath on her own.

So, with her on antibiotics as of Friday, I am hoping that she is well enough to at least partially participate at physio on Tuesday. I have always accepted the fact that things will get worse before they get better. But just like everything else, when you actually get there and put that pair of shoes on you never quite walk the way you thought you would.

Still waiting, I hope vivian is doing well with his new lungs. I hope to see him in physio soon or at least get the chance to visit him...

Keeping my head up but my spending down...
Cheers!

Excuse me, your phone is buzzing...

2009-01-30T14:43:00.000-05:00

I was taking a nap this afternoon when the phone wrang... In a stooper I jumped to my feet and started walking to the phone when I realized my mother had already answered it. So I rushed downstairs, she handed me the phone saying she could not understand the caller.

The lady on the other end could not speak very good English. And her phone was buzzing very loudly like she was calling me with one hand touching a high voltage terminal.

She said "Excuse me sir but would you like to save up to 40% on your electric bill?" Still in a stooper I answered "Oh well, actually I don't pay anything for my electricity because I steal it from my neighbor via a long extension cord."

HAHAHAHA I could hear the panic in her voice as she tried to reconstruct what I had said. She could tell I was serious enough that perhaps she just mis understood me. so she then began repeating the deal to me explaining that it is a fantastic savings. At this point I politely interupted and said "But tell me!, why would I pay when I get it for free now. I could sell you some if you live close, I have another long extension cord here. Do you live close to me?"

I felt like cracking up at this point but held my composure.

It was at the point where she asked me if I could speak hindi or punjabi, she apologized again but said she could "not speak very well English" I replied "Well since your having trouble understanding me i'm willing to throw in a 10% discount" and I appologized for my broken English and how it was because I had just been woken up from a nap by the telephone. Some lady on the other end trying to sell me electricity.

Politely but broken up with laughter I said good bye and hung up the phone.

Then I lost it and started whailing.

reminicient of my past.

2009-01-28T18:40:00.000-05:00

I like everyone else on the planet sometimes think about various adventures in my past. When I was a teenager I had the chance to visit the Yukon and I remember a man who would tell all kinds of stories while we were on the trip. During the hikes etc he had fantastic stories about the days of the gold rush etc. Of course we were not old enough to partake in the bar but I was lucky enough to witness first hand one of the oldest yukon traditions. Since 1973 in fact, when captain Dick discovered the toe of Louie Liken, a trapper and placer miner, who amputated it in the 1920's.

The rules: Put the toe in any drink you like, and drink it. The drinker's lips must touch the toe. " You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow-- But the lips have gotta touch the toe."

After captain Dick apporved your attempt you get a certificate.

There were other aspects of this trip I adored and some I hated. For example I came down with the flu a day before we were suppose to actually hike through the Chilcoot pass so I was unable to do that but pretty much everything else brought fond memories. I remember so clearly the aurora borialis and the night that never came. 24 hours of daylight with the sun just circling the earth in the sky. It made for an awsome party up on that hill...

Some day I plan to return, with my pan in hand I will look for gold once again...

BTW I did actually get a vial full of real gold, had it appraised and everything it was only worth about 30 dollars but it was the experience, oh what an experience...

:) Cheers!