¿ǝƃunoʇ ɹnoʎ ʇoƃ ʇɐɔ ¿ɹǝʇʇɐɯ ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʍ
˙suoısɹǝʌ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ llɐ ʇɔǝʇǝp oʇ ǝlqɐ ǝq plnoɥs ɥɔıɥʍ 'ǝɹǝɥ uɐɔs ʎʇǝɟɐs ǝuıluo ǝǝɹɟ ɐ sɹǝɟɟo oslɐ ʇɟosoɹɔıɯ
˙ʇı pǝlqɐsıp ǝʌɐɥ ʎɐɯ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ sɐ 'ooʇ ƃuıuunɹ ʎllɐnʇɔɐ sı ǝɹɐʍʇɟos snɹıʌıʇuɐ ɹnoʎ ǝɹns ǝʞɐɯ ˙llǝʍ sɐ ǝɹɐʍʇɟos ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ-ıʇuɐ ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐpdn puɐ ǝʇɐpdn sʍopuıʍ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ʎlǝʇǝldɯoɔ sʍopuıʍ ɥɔʇɐd :ɔd ɹnoʎ ƃuıʇɔǝʇoɹd ʇnoqɐ ʇuɐlıƃıʌ ɐɹʇxǝ ǝq plnoɥs noʎ 'ʇuıod sıɥʇ ʇɐ
˙puɐɥ ʎq pǝlqɐsıp puɐ pǝʞɔɐɹʇ ǝq ʇ,uɐɔ ʎldɯıs ɥɔıɥʍ ɹǝqɯnu ɐ 'ǝʌıʇɔɐ sǝoƃ ʇı uǝɥʍ ʎɐp ɐ sǝssǝɹppɐ 000'05 oʇ ǝʇuɐ ǝɥʇ dn llıʍ ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ ʇnq -- pǝlqɐsıp ɹo/puɐ ʇɥƃnoq ʎldɯıs uuɐɔı puɐ sɹǝɥɔɹɐǝsǝɹ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs ɥɔıɥʍ -- ʎɐp ɥɔɐǝ sǝssǝɹppɐ 052 ʇsnɾ pǝsn ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ ɟo uoısɹǝʌ ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ ˙bɥ ɥʇıʍ ǝʇɐɔıunɯɯoɔ oʇ slɹn ɟo ɹǝqɯnu snoɯɹouǝ uɐ sǝsn ʇı ǝsnɐɔǝq sʞɔɐɹʇ sʇı sǝpıɥ ʇı ʎɐʍ ǝɥʇ uı ɹǝʌǝlɔ sı ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ
˙sʍouʞ ǝuo ou ¿ǝɹɐʍʇɟos ʎʇıɹnɔǝs ʎuoɥd noʎ llǝs oʇ pǝuƃısǝp suo-ǝɯoɔ ǝʞıl-uoıʇɹoʇxǝ puɐ sdn-dod ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ lɐuoıʇıpɐɹʇ ǝɹoɯ ʇsǝɟıuɐɯ ʎldɯıs ɹo 'sǝʌıɹp pɹɐɥ ǝdıʍ 'uoıʇɐɯɹoɟuı lɐuosɹǝd lɐǝʇs 'suʍɐd ʞɔɐʇʇɐ ǝɔıʌɹǝs ɟo lɐıuǝp ǝɯoɔǝq sǝuıɥɔɐɯ ǝıqɯoz ǝɥʇ llıʍ ˙ǝlqıssod s,ƃuıɥʇʎuɐ ʇuıod ɥɔıɥʍ ʇɐ 'qǝʍ ǝɥʇ ssoɹɔɐ ǝɹǝɥʍǝɯos pǝʇɐɔol ǝuıɥɔɐɯ ɹǝʇsɐɯ ɐ ɟo loɹʇuoɔ ǝɥʇ ɹǝpun ǝɯoɔ llıʍ sɹǝʇndɯoɔ pǝʇɔǝɟuı llɐ '1 lıɹdɐ uo ʇɐɥʇ sı ɹɐɟ os uʍouʞ s,ʇɐɥʍ ˙ǝuılpɐǝp ǝɥʇ ǝɹoɟǝq ɹǝʇıɹʍ ǝɥʇ puıɟ ɹo ǝɹnɔ ɐ ɹǝǝuıƃuǝ oʇ ʇdɯǝʇʇɐ ʎǝɥʇ sɐ ǝpoɔ s,ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ oʇuı ƃuıƃƃıp ʎlǝʌıssǝɹƃƃɐ ǝɹɐ sɹǝɥɔɹɐǝsǝɹ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs 'ʇɟosoɹɔıɯ ʎq pǝɹǝɟɟo 'ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɹǝʇıɹʍ ǝɥʇ ɟo pɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ uo ʎʇunoq ɹɐllop-uoıllıɯ-ɹǝʇɹɐnb ɐ oʇ ʇɹɐd uı sʞuɐɥʇ
˙sǝʌıɹɹɐ ʎɐp-p uǝɥʍ op llıʍ ʇı ʇɐɥʍ ʎlʇɔɐxǝ ǝɹns ǝʇınb sı ǝuo ou ɥƃnoɥʇ ˙˙˙ʇuǝlnɹıʌ puɐ 'lnɟɹǝʍod 'pǝʇɐɔıldɯoɔ ʎlqıpǝɹɔuı uʍoɹƃ sɐɥ ɯɹoʍ ǝɥʇ 'ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ 'ʇuɐıɹɐʌ pɹıɥʇ sʇı uı ʍou ˙sɹǝʇndɯoɔ uoıllıɯ 9 pǝddoʇ suoıʇɔǝɟuı uʍouʞ sɐ ʎɹɐnuɐɾ uı sǝuılpɐǝɥ ƃuıʞɐɯ uɐƃǝq puɐ 8002 ǝʇɐl uı dn pǝlqqnq ʇsɹıɟ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ
˙sɹɐǝʎ uı uǝǝs ǝʌ,ǝʍ sʞɔɐʇʇɐ ƃuıƃɐɯɐp ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ǝq plnoɔ 'ɔ ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ pǝllɐɔ 'ɯɹoʍ ʇsǝʇɐl ǝɥʇ puɐ 'sǝɹɐʍ ɹıǝɥʇ ɥʇıʍ ʎɐp s,looɟ lıɹdɐ ʇǝƃɹɐʇ oʇ ǝʌol sɹoʇɐǝɹɔ ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ
˙1 lıɹdɐ sı ǝʇɐp ʇɐɥʇ 'ǝsɐɔ ǝɥʇ uǝʇɟo sı sɐ ˙ǝʇɐp pǝpoɔ-pɹɐɥ ɐ uo ɔoʌɐɥ ʞɐǝɹʍ oʇ ʇǝs sı ɥɔıɥʍ ǝɹɐʍlɐɯ ɟo ʇıq ɐ ɟo ʇɔɐdɯı ǝɥʇ ǝʇɐƃıʇıɯ oʇ ǝɯıʇ ʇsuıɐƃɐ ƃuıɔɐɹ ǝɹɐ sʇɹǝdxǝ ʎʇıɹnɔǝs 'sɹɐǝʎ ʍǝɟ ʎɹǝʌǝ ǝɔuo ʎluo plɹoʍ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝɥʇ sʇıɥ ʇɐɥʇ ʇuǝʌǝ uɐ uı
/1-lıɹdɐ-ǝɯoɔ-ɯɹoʍ-ɹǝʞɔıɟuoɔ-ǝɹɐʍǝq/346821/llnu/sƃolq/ɯoɔ˙ooɥɐʎ˙ɥɔǝʇ//:dʇʇɥ ɯoɹɟ ǝlɔıʇɹɐ lɐuıƃıɹo
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Sometimes things just fall into your lap...
Other times you have to look for them!
With spring on the horizon I have been spending a lot of my time preparing for the summer. Raking old dead leaves off the lawn etc. But then there is also preparing and sending out packages from eBay and other sales sources. It seems that no matter how poor the economy is, people are always looking for a great deal on products online. Online security of course is the thing that holds most people back. I wrote a short blurb at my terminalgeek blog about how paypal and eBay have really helped to increase security with a security key fob they send to you.
Anyhow, what I really wanted to blog about was the phenomenon called "Twitter" What a socially geared toy this thing has become. Although as with most things it is fast becomming a tool for spamming. If used right though it can be used to maintain a list of followers, well I dunno exactly why but people seem to inherently want others to know what they are doing. The stars of Hollywood are perhaps justified in using this as a tool to reach out to their fans. But for common folks like me, what could we possibly want from all this? It's much easier than maintaining a web page and for people like Britney Spears she can short blog links to her photos and where abouts with only an iphone.
So if you can filter your way through all the people who want to detoxify you for free with some strange goo made in germany. You'll find twitter at least mildly amusing, and very unintrusive. I think that's the part I like the best. I can choose to just follow, or I can be a loudmouth and start commenting on conversations that I had no part in to begin with :) That's more like me I'm afraid...
Cheers!
Like any other
With spring on the horizon I have been spending a lot of my time preparing for the summer. Raking old dead leaves off the lawn etc. But then there is also preparing and sending out packages from eBay and other sales sources. It seems that no matter how poor the economy is, people are always looking for a great deal on products online. Online security of course is the thing that holds most people back. I wrote a short blurb at my terminalgeek blog about how paypal and eBay have really helped to increase security with a security key fob they send to you.
Anyhow, what I really wanted to blog about was the phenomenon called "Twitter" What a socially geared toy this thing has become. Although as with most things it is fast becomming a tool for spamming. If used right though it can be used to maintain a list of followers, well I dunno exactly why but people seem to inherently want others to know what they are doing. The stars of Hollywood are perhaps justified in using this as a tool to reach out to their fans. But for common folks like me, what could we possibly want from all this? It's much easier than maintaining a web page and for people like Britney Spears she can short blog links to her photos and where abouts with only an iphone.
So if you can filter your way through all the people who want to detoxify you for free with some strange goo made in germany. You'll find twitter at least mildly amusing, and very unintrusive. I think that's the part I like the best. I can choose to just follow, or I can be a loudmouth and start commenting on conversations that I had no part in to begin with :) That's more like me I'm afraid...
Cheers!
Like any other
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Do you video blog from your Cell Phone?
There are more than A few useless ways to entertain yourself while online...
But Video Blogging?
I have often wondered if I could be successful at video blogging. No I don't think I'm something beautiful to look at, in fact I would almost never subject you to the pain that is my portrait image without first deciding it was imperative for content. In live video that pain would surely intensify, but it seems to me that each and every one of us does something interesting throughout our day and we are usually alone or in small groups when it happens. We all have a cell phone and most have cameras built into them. It would be kinda neat when I run across interesting things if I could just take a short 12 second video.....
Uhhhh, why 12 seconds? Well I dunno the exact science behind it but it seems that short video clips are interesting to people. At least this is the consensus at http://12seconds.tv/ I knew a guy who grew up in South West Calgary named Anselm Hook from http://hook.org uber geek programmer extraordinaire. His father owned the Computer Shop of Calgary and and my brother and I played in the neighborhood with him for countless hours, doing geeky things. I remember being introduced to the PET computer in his living room and thinking "This is the coolest thing ever". Or the whacky treasure chest full of gerbels. Uhhhh, ok that was a little strange but what about the year he and my brother went trick or treating dressed up as robots in their home made costumes all lit up with LED lights, topped off by a chimmeny for a head. Andy's rich and famous now and rarely says boo to me but I find it interesting some of the things he does. He travels all over the globe and runs a company called MakerLab etc but always finds time to do some strange new thing to catch my attention. Just the other day he took a short 12 second clip, just him sitting with his kid in front of the computer... a few verbal comments, some shy response by his kid then poof it was over. And I thought... WOW it is so cool that this guy would video blog 12 seconds of his life, just enough to make me interested in it, but not enough to bore me.
And so, if I can figure out how to upload the clips directly from my phone I may start doing exactly that... You would be really surprised at the kinds of things I run into each day. Even just my screaming kids, and we all know how in demand 12 seconds of blood curdling screams by a kid can be... Or the homeless guy on the off ramp to Spadina who I give change from my car's change tray... These are things we just do without thinking, but socially they are important.
I dunno why but they just are...
Does anyone ever look at the videos that are posted on this page? I put them there because as it seems... Videos, at least short ones keep people happy... I dunno about you but I find it therapeutic to watch video clips now and again, funny ones, stupid ones, educational ones... Seems to pass those bored moments with something to do...
Have a go at some of the videos in the side bar, you'll be entertained at least for the short term and they regularily change based on the content of this page.
What are your thoughts on this???
Have a great day!
But Video Blogging?
I have often wondered if I could be successful at video blogging. No I don't think I'm something beautiful to look at, in fact I would almost never subject you to the pain that is my portrait image without first deciding it was imperative for content. In live video that pain would surely intensify, but it seems to me that each and every one of us does something interesting throughout our day and we are usually alone or in small groups when it happens. We all have a cell phone and most have cameras built into them. It would be kinda neat when I run across interesting things if I could just take a short 12 second video.....
Uhhhh, why 12 seconds? Well I dunno the exact science behind it but it seems that short video clips are interesting to people. At least this is the consensus at http://12seconds.tv/ I knew a guy who grew up in South West Calgary named Anselm Hook from http://hook.org uber geek programmer extraordinaire. His father owned the Computer Shop of Calgary and and my brother and I played in the neighborhood with him for countless hours, doing geeky things. I remember being introduced to the PET computer in his living room and thinking "This is the coolest thing ever". Or the whacky treasure chest full of gerbels. Uhhhh, ok that was a little strange but what about the year he and my brother went trick or treating dressed up as robots in their home made costumes all lit up with LED lights, topped off by a chimmeny for a head. Andy's rich and famous now and rarely says boo to me but I find it interesting some of the things he does. He travels all over the globe and runs a company called MakerLab etc but always finds time to do some strange new thing to catch my attention. Just the other day he took a short 12 second clip, just him sitting with his kid in front of the computer... a few verbal comments, some shy response by his kid then poof it was over. And I thought... WOW it is so cool that this guy would video blog 12 seconds of his life, just enough to make me interested in it, but not enough to bore me.
And so, if I can figure out how to upload the clips directly from my phone I may start doing exactly that... You would be really surprised at the kinds of things I run into each day. Even just my screaming kids, and we all know how in demand 12 seconds of blood curdling screams by a kid can be... Or the homeless guy on the off ramp to Spadina who I give change from my car's change tray... These are things we just do without thinking, but socially they are important.
I dunno why but they just are...
Does anyone ever look at the videos that are posted on this page? I put them there because as it seems... Videos, at least short ones keep people happy... I dunno about you but I find it therapeutic to watch video clips now and again, funny ones, stupid ones, educational ones... Seems to pass those bored moments with something to do...
Have a go at some of the videos in the side bar, you'll be entertained at least for the short term and they regularily change based on the content of this page.
What are your thoughts on this???
Have a great day!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Yeah well...
Yeah I know it's been a long time since an update... All the buzz worn off? Well no not exactly, been really busy being exhausted and trying to finish the new office by Sunday. I was surprised the last couple days receiving facebook messages that I have not updated and one instant message... :) So here is a bit of an update for now, more after the kids go back to school...
March Break: For single parents this time must be either a blessing or a nightmare... If your single, you may ship them off for the break to be with their other parent and that may give you some time off... Or you may be on the receiving end and have the luxury of spending time with your beautiful children... For me however, I dragged all three of them to the hospital for the first part of the week it was a burden with three bored children trying to amuse them in the hospital was a no go. But then we found some excitement by Lake Ontario... Wading through all the garbage, and I'm not kidding about the garbage that washes up onto shore. We had a nice long walk down the path and two two separate parks along the beaches. I took some pictures although I won't be putting any of the kids on here, you can see the rather HUGE swan we met and a few vogue snapshots of some seagulls...
An update on mom:
For literally 11 years now, my mom has been sick, diagnosed close to 19 years ago her quality of life decreased slowly. Unlike the patients with fast deterioration she had time to adjust to her new way of life. It was almost normal to see her panting, purse lip breathing or just plain ol' struggling to do simple things like put her socks on in the morning. This had lead to a certain level of dependence on her part. No one wants to be dependent on others, no one wants to be a burden.
Post transplant we have come to some new and exciting crossroads in our lives. Previously being involved in so much of the care. Getting oxygen tanks ready, worrying about not having enough. Modifying our house so that she could live on a main floor that was not designed for this type of thing. It was not nearly as much a burden as one would think. Once again I remind you that over 11 years you slowly become introduced to the care... Then one day, POOF... she can walk again, talk without purse lip breathing etc... Total independence... And until Wednesday of this week that had not set into my mind as reality. I dropped her off for the first time by her self, expecting her to find her way through the hospital... Like a nervous father sending his child to school I walked her into the front doors and pointed to where she was suppose to go... "You go down that hallway mom" I was nervous as all heck but trying not to show her. "Turn into the first door on the left, that's the lab, tell them who you are and they will take care of you" I said with excitement in my voice. "Hey, maybe Francine will be there! Remember to say hi for me ok?" It hit me that I was doing what a parent usually does to instill confidence in their child. So then I drove off, leaving her on her own with cell phone in her hand, my phone number written on a peice of paper, and only God's angels to guide her to the right place. Ok perhaps the hospital signs would work just as well...
I arrived at the first park with the kids and barely got them situated then RING RING RING.. .my cell phone... My mom was lost... hahahahaa "Tell me where you are" I asked... "I'm looking at the booster juice.. " she says to me... hahahaha I laugh on the phone but then finish directing her to the elevators. I told her to call me when she got up to the 12 floor where she does her physio. So about an hour into it she calls and says she's upstairs... I ask her "What took you so long?" Oh I bought myself a muffin and a drink and just finished.
I guess I have nothing to worry about, her dependence on me is finally over, she is a free now and I have learned that. Now I just have to find something to do with my spare time. Perhaps get a job? Oh boy wouldn't that be a treat.... I've applied for many, heard back from none. Has the economy really slumped that far into the hole? I'm not looking to be a rocket scientist, just a plain ol' job where I can do some common task for people. Make some supplimentary income so we won't have to worry about the bills...
That's all for now,
Hope your all having a great day!
March Break: For single parents this time must be either a blessing or a nightmare... If your single, you may ship them off for the break to be with their other parent and that may give you some time off... Or you may be on the receiving end and have the luxury of spending time with your beautiful children... For me however, I dragged all three of them to the hospital for the first part of the week it was a burden with three bored children trying to amuse them in the hospital was a no go. But then we found some excitement by Lake Ontario... Wading through all the garbage, and I'm not kidding about the garbage that washes up onto shore. We had a nice long walk down the path and two two separate parks along the beaches. I took some pictures although I won't be putting any of the kids on here, you can see the rather HUGE swan we met and a few vogue snapshots of some seagulls...
An update on mom:
For literally 11 years now, my mom has been sick, diagnosed close to 19 years ago her quality of life decreased slowly. Unlike the patients with fast deterioration she had time to adjust to her new way of life. It was almost normal to see her panting, purse lip breathing or just plain ol' struggling to do simple things like put her socks on in the morning. This had lead to a certain level of dependence on her part. No one wants to be dependent on others, no one wants to be a burden.
Post transplant we have come to some new and exciting crossroads in our lives. Previously being involved in so much of the care. Getting oxygen tanks ready, worrying about not having enough. Modifying our house so that she could live on a main floor that was not designed for this type of thing. It was not nearly as much a burden as one would think. Once again I remind you that over 11 years you slowly become introduced to the care... Then one day, POOF... she can walk again, talk without purse lip breathing etc... Total independence... And until Wednesday of this week that had not set into my mind as reality. I dropped her off for the first time by her self, expecting her to find her way through the hospital... Like a nervous father sending his child to school I walked her into the front doors and pointed to where she was suppose to go... "You go down that hallway mom" I was nervous as all heck but trying not to show her. "Turn into the first door on the left, that's the lab, tell them who you are and they will take care of you" I said with excitement in my voice. "Hey, maybe Francine will be there! Remember to say hi for me ok?" It hit me that I was doing what a parent usually does to instill confidence in their child. So then I drove off, leaving her on her own with cell phone in her hand, my phone number written on a peice of paper, and only God's angels to guide her to the right place. Ok perhaps the hospital signs would work just as well...
I arrived at the first park with the kids and barely got them situated then RING RING RING.. .my cell phone... My mom was lost... hahahahaa "Tell me where you are" I asked... "I'm looking at the booster juice.. " she says to me... hahahaha I laugh on the phone but then finish directing her to the elevators. I told her to call me when she got up to the 12 floor where she does her physio. So about an hour into it she calls and says she's upstairs... I ask her "What took you so long?" Oh I bought myself a muffin and a drink and just finished.
I guess I have nothing to worry about, her dependence on me is finally over, she is a free now and I have learned that. Now I just have to find something to do with my spare time. Perhaps get a job? Oh boy wouldn't that be a treat.... I've applied for many, heard back from none. Has the economy really slumped that far into the hole? I'm not looking to be a rocket scientist, just a plain ol' job where I can do some common task for people. Make some supplimentary income so we won't have to worry about the bills...
That's all for now,
Hope your all having a great day!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Green with envy...
Last night I tested a cool gadget on my blog called Tokbox it's a totally geeky video conferencing solution that does not require you to install any special software at all and works right in your browser or right from your web page. So I sat here with a few people and made an ass of myself until about 3am.. The software works fairly well but I was not able to get rid of the echo I could hear myself, no one else seemed to hear me echoing...
Ahhh well today is a new day and I've removed the gadget until I can further refine it... I'll be working in what will be my new office today. Actually it's the NW corner of my basement where the furnace lives. It's not an ideal location but since we need my current office space to accomodate my mother's new bedroom... Ahhhh let me just back up for a moment...
Originally several years back we wanted my mom to come live with us, this was before grandma was out of her mind with dementia... My mother refused to leave her, said she felt that granma was not going to do well on her own, and with good reason. Soon enough my nanna started to show signs of dementia. So we asked them both to move to Ontario to live with us. Well trouble with all this was two fold... My mother on oxygen could not navigate stairs, and my nanna who was miserable about the move insisted that with we haul every ounce of her stuff from Calgary to Ontario. Ultimately I had to make a choice and sell my beloved travel trailer and purchase a new utility trailer to haul it all back from Calgary, those were some of the most difficult weeks of my life. The stuff we couldn't fit on the trailer my brother graciously sent after we had arrived home, I think it cost him nearly a thousand bucks to send and pretty much all of it was junk but you know what? It was her junk so we all sacrificed... Anyhow the bottom line in all this is that my mother ended up sleeping in our partitioned dining room area and granny got the run of the basement. Now with my mother having had transplant we want to reclaim our dining room area so mum's the word... She'll be in the basement suite where my office was...
My grandmother's death and it's circumstances I have avoided blogging about because along with it came some hurtful emotions from her side of the family out west in Calgary. I figured if I didin't have anything to say about it I would just not blog about it. Some day though I will release the ugly details. I'm sure you as the blog reader are every bit as familiar as I am about how family can be your worst source of pain sometimes... All that for another day...
So today is St Pattys day eh? Well my wife has some Irish background... And some Native, and Some English etc... So at least for today she's 100% irish and is wearing green and all that... For me, I'll just "STICK" to my green underwear to show my support... I will say this though, I am not particularily fond of snakes, so any guy who has the balls to chase them all out of Ireland has my vote :)
Well, Off I go, putty knife in hand and a nice bright light to install ... Have a great St Pattys day everyone!
Cheers!
Ahhh well today is a new day and I've removed the gadget until I can further refine it... I'll be working in what will be my new office today. Actually it's the NW corner of my basement where the furnace lives. It's not an ideal location but since we need my current office space to accomodate my mother's new bedroom... Ahhhh let me just back up for a moment...
Originally several years back we wanted my mom to come live with us, this was before grandma was out of her mind with dementia... My mother refused to leave her, said she felt that granma was not going to do well on her own, and with good reason. Soon enough my nanna started to show signs of dementia. So we asked them both to move to Ontario to live with us. Well trouble with all this was two fold... My mother on oxygen could not navigate stairs, and my nanna who was miserable about the move insisted that with we haul every ounce of her stuff from Calgary to Ontario. Ultimately I had to make a choice and sell my beloved travel trailer and purchase a new utility trailer to haul it all back from Calgary, those were some of the most difficult weeks of my life. The stuff we couldn't fit on the trailer my brother graciously sent after we had arrived home, I think it cost him nearly a thousand bucks to send and pretty much all of it was junk but you know what? It was her junk so we all sacrificed... Anyhow the bottom line in all this is that my mother ended up sleeping in our partitioned dining room area and granny got the run of the basement. Now with my mother having had transplant we want to reclaim our dining room area so mum's the word... She'll be in the basement suite where my office was...
My grandmother's death and it's circumstances I have avoided blogging about because along with it came some hurtful emotions from her side of the family out west in Calgary. I figured if I didin't have anything to say about it I would just not blog about it. Some day though I will release the ugly details. I'm sure you as the blog reader are every bit as familiar as I am about how family can be your worst source of pain sometimes... All that for another day...
So today is St Pattys day eh? Well my wife has some Irish background... And some Native, and Some English etc... So at least for today she's 100% irish and is wearing green and all that... For me, I'll just "STICK" to my green underwear to show my support... I will say this though, I am not particularily fond of snakes, so any guy who has the balls to chase them all out of Ireland has my vote :)
Well, Off I go, putty knife in hand and a nice bright light to install ... Have a great St Pattys day everyone!
Cheers!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Yawn... I am a morning person really I am...
Luvin' the eBay more and more each day.. Not only does it offer some really good prices if you know where to look, like 16 Gb flash memory for less than 10 bucks. eBay if you use it right can drive a lot of traffic to your other websites. I have approximately 12 websites on the go at any given time, most have minimal content on it, some have products etc and I sell them periodically so some income is generated from that. But the real surprising market to me is simply generating hits to those places, eBay has really increased this... Ten fold!
Very excited about the future of online trading...
Anyhow today looks rather fun, in about an hour I will be taking my daughter to some mall in the GTA to see some famous teen that she really wants to see... :) Woo Hoo... Oh well at least I will get some kind of greasy lunch at the mall.. I love mall food!
Hmmmm, should I even take my camera to take pictures for her or will I just look like some fat hairy pervert with a camera... hahahahaha Who cares, if it makes my daughter happy right?
Cheers!
Very excited about the future of online trading...
Anyhow today looks rather fun, in about an hour I will be taking my daughter to some mall in the GTA to see some famous teen that she really wants to see... :) Woo Hoo... Oh well at least I will get some kind of greasy lunch at the mall.. I love mall food!
Hmmmm, should I even take my camera to take pictures for her or will I just look like some fat hairy pervert with a camera... hahahahaha Who cares, if it makes my daughter happy right?
Cheers!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Just the usual...
It's officially March break now, we left the house really early in hopes we would avoid the traffic. I had a 9:30am appointment, totally forgot that I would have the kids today so it was a little tricky being at the donor clinic with three kids and a mother... The mother thankfully was more than happy to sit in the snacks room eating peak frean cookies and drinking juice while waiting for me. Then it was off to the TO hospital where I let my mother go on her merry way to the physio room without me because I had the kids with me. The risk of infection for people with suppressed immune systems is high and so while I know my kids at present are in good health and not infected with anything I choose to not let them go to the physio room while their Nana is exercising as to not interfere with anyone elses routine. And so we wandered through the hospital and found ourselves at the local gift shop buying candy and treats for the kids. Is it any surprise to anyone that my oldest "String Bean" bought himself an octopus in a bag of slime with the label "Fear Factor" on it? Nah, didin't think so...
Been enjoying the communication with my family out west by way of twitter. Twitter is best described as something like a short messenger service or SMS but for your desktop, handheld, cell phone or other portable device connected to the cloud. It allows you to broadcast short blurbs to your group of followers or friends... A nifty idea that is much more efficient than facebook which is absolutely filled with spam and unwanted applications now. I have linked my twitter updates with my facebook ones and since I use a plugin for pidgin to allow me to chat live with my facebook friends I rarely log onto facebook anymore.
The only exciting thing that happened today perhaps, as we were motoring along on Adalaide downtown TO a cab drive stomped on his gas pedal while I was changing lanes, he did not want me to have that turning lane for some reason so being the ignorant blork that I am on the road I accelerated and prevented his dominating manouver. He didin't like this much and I ended up with him next to me, both of us windows open calling each other idiots... I am purely of the opinion that most cab drivers just have this opinion that they are better drivers and are entitled to do whatever they want to do.. Including but not limited to stopping in the middle of traffic with 40 cars backed up behind them so they can pick up or drop off a fare. Cutting you off then slowing down by 20km/hr to stroll for prospective fares, and last but not least talk on their cell phone while doing the above mentioned things...
I don't claim to be a good driver, but I am almost sure I'm not the only crappy driver on the road and at 37 years old have never been involved in a car accident... (fingers crossed)
I somewhat finished a products flyer viewable at http://mousecrash.com/flyer/ If you see something there you want send me an email and we can arrange payment and delivery... Those particular items are really time sensitive as the supplier sometimes sells them without notifying me...
Cheers!
Been enjoying the communication with my family out west by way of twitter. Twitter is best described as something like a short messenger service or SMS but for your desktop, handheld, cell phone or other portable device connected to the cloud. It allows you to broadcast short blurbs to your group of followers or friends... A nifty idea that is much more efficient than facebook which is absolutely filled with spam and unwanted applications now. I have linked my twitter updates with my facebook ones and since I use a plugin for pidgin to allow me to chat live with my facebook friends I rarely log onto facebook anymore.
The only exciting thing that happened today perhaps, as we were motoring along on Adalaide downtown TO a cab drive stomped on his gas pedal while I was changing lanes, he did not want me to have that turning lane for some reason so being the ignorant blork that I am on the road I accelerated and prevented his dominating manouver. He didin't like this much and I ended up with him next to me, both of us windows open calling each other idiots... I am purely of the opinion that most cab drivers just have this opinion that they are better drivers and are entitled to do whatever they want to do.. Including but not limited to stopping in the middle of traffic with 40 cars backed up behind them so they can pick up or drop off a fare. Cutting you off then slowing down by 20km/hr to stroll for prospective fares, and last but not least talk on their cell phone while doing the above mentioned things...
I don't claim to be a good driver, but I am almost sure I'm not the only crappy driver on the road and at 37 years old have never been involved in a car accident... (fingers crossed)
I somewhat finished a products flyer viewable at http://mousecrash.com/flyer/ If you see something there you want send me an email and we can arrange payment and delivery... Those particular items are really time sensitive as the supplier sometimes sells them without notifying me...
Cheers!
Monday, March 9, 2009
All in all, a good day!
OK so, today, this morning actually my mom and I were struck by fate and endured some long overdue payback I guess... It seems that there is this balance of course that always equals 100... could be 80% bad and 20% good in your day but it always seems to balance out to 100... or from some perspectives, a zero balance meaning no red ink, and no blue ink...
Hunky Dory... Where did that saying come from I wonder... Perhaps some old fashioned television show or something...
Anyhow on to the events of the day...
I had an appointment early in the day 9am with the principal of my kids school... Unfortunately this is also the same time they asked my mother to be at TO to do some Physio therapy before going for her tests... I had to be a good dad and choose my son's appointment over my mom's exercise... Sorry ma, but my kids will always be first priority :) None the less my mother and I were able to get to the hospital to get the PFT test, Xray, and Bloodtests which will be required on a weekly basis. The bad luck we ran into started when we were following a street car down King street in Toronto, a police cruizer was suspiciously close to me and following every inch of the way down the road... About twenty seconds into the low speed pursuit (approximately 5km per hour) the lights went on and I found myself at the side of the road shaking like a leaf on it's journey to the grown from the top of a 100 year old oak tree... Perplexed and wondering what I have done some things ran through my head as the 6 foot something officer walked cautiously up to my driver side window... First but not nearly the most exciting... "I've been framed for Marvin Acme's murder?" Marvin Acme in case you havn't already clued in is the owner of toon town... My next thought is "Nah, Roger Rabbit was already framed for that murder" So what the heck could this police man be pulling us over for? OHHHHHHH Man, that's gotta be it, during my mom's surgery I put a buck twenty five into the pop machine and the machine spit out two cans of coke at once... I didin't pay for the second can of coke... Swiftly I take the empty can that I still have in the drink tray of my car and whisk it under the seat... I roll down the window to greet him, hands still shaking and he says "How are you doing today..." Oh man the interrogation is killing me "Just tell me what I'm goin' down for and slap the cuffs on" It will certainly be easier than the head games cops play... He proceeds to tell me that the sticker on my car is expired and was due in February... "OH SHIT!" I tell him that my mother had a double lung transplant during the time period when I was suppose to renew that and of course with me being so busy with her care and all it slipped my mind.... "Uh Huh!, like I haven't heard that one a thousand times before"... Oh brother, he thinks I'm making it up... "Can I see your drivers license and registration please" As I slowly reach for the glove compartment I'm explaining verbally that I'm just reaching for the information he has requested... A gentle reminder to him that I'm not planning a great escape or anything... I hand over the little green folder with the information in it and almost as soon as I hand it over to him I realize that when we cleaned the car just a couple days prior I had removed all but that folder from the glove box and I think the pink slip he requires is still in a box in my garage... Yup, sure enough the officer says "You do have insurance right? this paper is expired..." OMG now I'm looking at the gun and thinking... If I run things will get worse... I smile nervously and assure him that I have the papers but they are at home... "You wait here and I'll be back in a moment..." Ohhh goody, the next twenty minutes were fun, wondering if this is the day I get my first appearance on the COPS television show... He returns with two nicely written, printed in fact peices of paper, one is "failure to produce valid insurance documents" $65.00, the other "Unregistered vehicle, no valid sticker displayed" UGHHHH $110.00
In a cold and wet tone of voice he says "You have 24 hours to produce your insurance papers..."
"Thank you" I say sarcastically but gentle enough so that I don't get the billy club to the side of my head...
As I roll up the window I say to my mom "OMG I can't afford this, then I drive off still shaking like a leaf...
The day got progressivly better... Parking was an unexpected $25.00 because I was parked during "CLINIC" hours and I was over the three hour limit by approximately .. Uhhh three minutes... Then while leaving the parking lot I drove into a pot hole that I am sure is responsible for many a damaged vehicles... KERPLUNK the tiny little wheel on my Kia barely makes it out of the hole... Cut off by several taxi's as per my usual TO day... But then... Yes then things started to look up when we got to the pharmacy where my mom bought all her pre transplant drugs. They all started to cheer and congratulate her as they saw her walking for the first time to the counter (usually I am pushing her in a wheel chair). The post office charged me 7 dollars for an item that I had calculated would cost 12 WOO HOO profit margin increases are always gravy... Then I arrive at the vehicle registration office expecting to be rejected because I didin't have the updated insurance information... The lady was smiling and flirty and she never asked me for the insurance papers... $75.00 later I have sticker in hand and I'm off to pick up the kids...
All in all, it was a good day! :)
Oh My I forgot to tell you that our now close friend in the hospital's lab was so excited for my mom she gave her a great big hug... And at the clinic appointment there are no signs of rejection or infection so my mom's doing great... Angina is under control, diabetes is under control and it's getting more and more difficult to keep up with the lady who only a few weeks ago was wheel chair bound...
Long winded perhaps, but we are all doing fine... Poor but fine... :)
Cheers!
Hunky Dory... Where did that saying come from I wonder... Perhaps some old fashioned television show or something...
Anyhow on to the events of the day...
I had an appointment early in the day 9am with the principal of my kids school... Unfortunately this is also the same time they asked my mother to be at TO to do some Physio therapy before going for her tests... I had to be a good dad and choose my son's appointment over my mom's exercise... Sorry ma, but my kids will always be first priority :) None the less my mother and I were able to get to the hospital to get the PFT test, Xray, and Bloodtests which will be required on a weekly basis. The bad luck we ran into started when we were following a street car down King street in Toronto, a police cruizer was suspiciously close to me and following every inch of the way down the road... About twenty seconds into the low speed pursuit (approximately 5km per hour) the lights went on and I found myself at the side of the road shaking like a leaf on it's journey to the grown from the top of a 100 year old oak tree... Perplexed and wondering what I have done some things ran through my head as the 6 foot something officer walked cautiously up to my driver side window... First but not nearly the most exciting... "I've been framed for Marvin Acme's murder?" Marvin Acme in case you havn't already clued in is the owner of toon town... My next thought is "Nah, Roger Rabbit was already framed for that murder" So what the heck could this police man be pulling us over for? OHHHHHHH Man, that's gotta be it, during my mom's surgery I put a buck twenty five into the pop machine and the machine spit out two cans of coke at once... I didin't pay for the second can of coke... Swiftly I take the empty can that I still have in the drink tray of my car and whisk it under the seat... I roll down the window to greet him, hands still shaking and he says "How are you doing today..." Oh man the interrogation is killing me "Just tell me what I'm goin' down for and slap the cuffs on" It will certainly be easier than the head games cops play... He proceeds to tell me that the sticker on my car is expired and was due in February... "OH SHIT!" I tell him that my mother had a double lung transplant during the time period when I was suppose to renew that and of course with me being so busy with her care and all it slipped my mind.... "Uh Huh!, like I haven't heard that one a thousand times before"... Oh brother, he thinks I'm making it up... "Can I see your drivers license and registration please" As I slowly reach for the glove compartment I'm explaining verbally that I'm just reaching for the information he has requested... A gentle reminder to him that I'm not planning a great escape or anything... I hand over the little green folder with the information in it and almost as soon as I hand it over to him I realize that when we cleaned the car just a couple days prior I had removed all but that folder from the glove box and I think the pink slip he requires is still in a box in my garage... Yup, sure enough the officer says "You do have insurance right? this paper is expired..." OMG now I'm looking at the gun and thinking... If I run things will get worse... I smile nervously and assure him that I have the papers but they are at home... "You wait here and I'll be back in a moment..." Ohhh goody, the next twenty minutes were fun, wondering if this is the day I get my first appearance on the COPS television show... He returns with two nicely written, printed in fact peices of paper, one is "failure to produce valid insurance documents" $65.00, the other "Unregistered vehicle, no valid sticker displayed" UGHHHH $110.00
In a cold and wet tone of voice he says "You have 24 hours to produce your insurance papers..."
"Thank you" I say sarcastically but gentle enough so that I don't get the billy club to the side of my head...
As I roll up the window I say to my mom "OMG I can't afford this, then I drive off still shaking like a leaf...
The day got progressivly better... Parking was an unexpected $25.00 because I was parked during "CLINIC" hours and I was over the three hour limit by approximately .. Uhhh three minutes... Then while leaving the parking lot I drove into a pot hole that I am sure is responsible for many a damaged vehicles... KERPLUNK the tiny little wheel on my Kia barely makes it out of the hole... Cut off by several taxi's as per my usual TO day... But then... Yes then things started to look up when we got to the pharmacy where my mom bought all her pre transplant drugs. They all started to cheer and congratulate her as they saw her walking for the first time to the counter (usually I am pushing her in a wheel chair). The post office charged me 7 dollars for an item that I had calculated would cost 12 WOO HOO profit margin increases are always gravy... Then I arrive at the vehicle registration office expecting to be rejected because I didin't have the updated insurance information... The lady was smiling and flirty and she never asked me for the insurance papers... $75.00 later I have sticker in hand and I'm off to pick up the kids...
All in all, it was a good day! :)
Oh My I forgot to tell you that our now close friend in the hospital's lab was so excited for my mom she gave her a great big hug... And at the clinic appointment there are no signs of rejection or infection so my mom's doing great... Angina is under control, diabetes is under control and it's getting more and more difficult to keep up with the lady who only a few weeks ago was wheel chair bound...
Long winded perhaps, but we are all doing fine... Poor but fine... :)
Cheers!
A quick message to all my blogger friends and family...
And I mean a really quick note...
Been far too busy to blog, worked all weekend etc, now on our way to regular followup clinic appointments at the TO following a meeting with String Bean's principal to have him re registered back into the school following his successful three weeks as an outpatient student at the hospital...
All is well!
Thank you so much all who have read and kept up with this blog, it was so much easier to blog it all in one place than to keep everyone updated by phone, email, text message etc... Not to mention the extra revenue from the page helped pay for some of the gas to and from TO... A real life saver indeed!
God Bless!
Been far too busy to blog, worked all weekend etc, now on our way to regular followup clinic appointments at the TO following a meeting with String Bean's principal to have him re registered back into the school following his successful three weeks as an outpatient student at the hospital...
All is well!
Thank you so much all who have read and kept up with this blog, it was so much easier to blog it all in one place than to keep everyone updated by phone, email, text message etc... Not to mention the extra revenue from the page helped pay for some of the gas to and from TO... A real life saver indeed!
God Bless!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Time Well Spent...
I spent the better part of the day just doing... Well nothing really... OK this morning I helped my mom take her drugs and then we went together to the local A&P to get a pill box which took us two hours to fill because we were meticulously reading and re reading the prescriptions to make sure it was done right... It was so amazing, us two walking through the store together... Oh sure, she had that face mask on and a pair of rubber gloves, but for us it has truly been 11 years since we could do that without hoses and tanks and people asking if we needed help...
She bounces around like a teenage girl and I'm certain she was smiling under that mask, although all I could see was the rose colored skin that was grey and lifeless before the surgery...
We have been slow cooking some beef stew all day, simmering in a pot, thickening and It's getting more delicious by the minute I can't wait to fill a bowl with it! That will be in about an Hour :)
In and around 5 minutes from now the nurse will be here to make sure she takes her insulin correctly. I know she was a bit ticked that I went ahead and organized all her pills but after all the education they give you at the hospital it's nearly impossible not to be able to handle that stuff yourself...
More great news is on the horizon, my oldest boy "string bean" is being discharged from the day program at the hospital... He's been there now for three weeks during all of this medical madness. It has really helped him emotionally to deal with all of it and hopefully he has taken some skills out of it that will help him succeed. They are now placing him in a longer term but less frequent program that will help him on an ongoing basis through his teenage years etc. I am eternally grateful for the system for recognizing he needed help...
Gotta go stir the stew,
CHEERS!
She bounces around like a teenage girl and I'm certain she was smiling under that mask, although all I could see was the rose colored skin that was grey and lifeless before the surgery...
We have been slow cooking some beef stew all day, simmering in a pot, thickening and It's getting more delicious by the minute I can't wait to fill a bowl with it! That will be in about an Hour :)
In and around 5 minutes from now the nurse will be here to make sure she takes her insulin correctly. I know she was a bit ticked that I went ahead and organized all her pills but after all the education they give you at the hospital it's nearly impossible not to be able to handle that stuff yourself...
More great news is on the horizon, my oldest boy "string bean" is being discharged from the day program at the hospital... He's been there now for three weeks during all of this medical madness. It has really helped him emotionally to deal with all of it and hopefully he has taken some skills out of it that will help him succeed. They are now placing him in a longer term but less frequent program that will help him on an ongoing basis through his teenage years etc. I am eternally grateful for the system for recognizing he needed help...
Gotta go stir the stew,
CHEERS!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Home At Last...
Now we begin phase 2, after the three months post transplant my life should return to some of what it was before the transplant. Until then there are a few responsibilities that I take very seriously. One is making sure she takes her meds... You know they told us over and over again that there are a lot of drugs to take after the transplant and they were not kidding... Because my mom is covered by insurance for most of these meds they are only willing to give us a one month supply except for the supplements and prednisone which I believe are three months supply but I am sure you will be as shocked as I was when I actually layed them out to be organised.
So without any further adue;
More than you expected eh?
Yeah, me too!
OK well I will blog more really soon and perhaps even be able to get a short video interview out of her or something for the blog, she is a bit camera shy though so ehem... "Don't hold your breath!" that was intentional bad humor...
Cheers!
So without any further adue;
More than you expected eh?
Yeah, me too!
OK well I will blog more really soon and perhaps even be able to get a short video interview out of her or something for the blog, she is a bit camera shy though so ehem... "Don't hold your breath!" that was intentional bad humor...
Cheers!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Roller Coaster of Life...
Well it's been two weeks now, Monday was anyhow... My mom's off all medical support including oxygen and has been enjoying true wireless freedom now for a little over 24 hours... It's funny you know.... She was afraid to take it off... thought she would be in a panic for breath... I can't begin to imagine what that all must have felt like. Being sick...
Just before the call, my mother's lung capacity was estimated between 16 to 25 percent... That's not a lot of lung capacity, each breath was a severe struggle. She was getting one infection after another and it was starting to really look like the end of the line. I remember a week prior to the call she had the meropenum antibiotics via a portable battery powered pump that she was carrying around. And like a trooper she tried to go to the physio therapy room. We parked in the garage and she said, take me to the washroom I have to go before we get upstairs... So to the door we went... There was a bit of a cafuffle and I had a feeling something had gone wrong in there although each time I called into the bathroom... Are you ok? I heard a reply that was barely audible and broken up between gasps of air... "Yeah, i ahhhhh just .... i'll be....... ....... .... ok... " at that point when a lady opened the door for her and she was hanging on to the wheel chair as if it were her only hope I knew that we were in trouble... So instead of the physio room I brought her to the Emergency where she spent several hours and at the end of it all they said there really isn't much more they can do she's already on meropenum and isn't in immediate danger...
So a day later we ended up at the good Respirologist's office looking for some dire help... He is an honest man who has really carried her through all of this since she arrived in Ontario. He has prescribed meds, and therapys that have worked miracles as far as bringing her back to her baseline... He rushed her off to the hospital directly from his office once and even had pre arranged to have us admitted so we did not have to wait when we arrived. But that day... The day we begged for help from him he hung his head down and shook it saying there isn't anything more he can do.. We just have to wait for the call... It was really hard to deal with. I choked back my emotions and didn't for one second show my mother it bothered me. Instead I smiled at her and said "Bahhhh.. don't you worry, the call is coming"
I knew though, my mother was afraid... and as much as I tried to put on my poker face she saw right through it and knew I was afraid too...
So now that that phase is over... we walk the halls each day, meeting up with various people we have met through the program. Some are having a really tough time, one who we knew quite well is not expected to make it after fighting in MSICU for over 8 weeks... His wife, trying to be strong told me this in the elevator just after I broke the news to her that my mom is going home on Wednesday...
After an awkward silence all I could think of saying is, I'm so sorry...
During some of the physio visits we joked and laughed about when the call would come in and how we would react etc.... None of it was true, not a single emotion stood up to it's plan. The entire journey was not at all like we expected.
I wonder sometimes, how other friends are doing. We have not heard from them in over a week. I heard rumors that he was back in physio but I have not caught up with them yet to speak to them...
Today, in the halls I met with the spiritual councellor in the hospital. He was putting up some St Patricks day decorations and as always I joked and made comments on the lighter side... I asked him to come speak with us sometime and told him we are here until Wednesday... Like a man of God should he was enthusiastic about it and told me he is looking forward to our chat. I am not looking for religious guidance but rather advice on how to put our emotions and thanks for the donor family into words. Words that will honor... I somehow have this sense that no matter what we say, what we write down... It will never be quite right, it will not portray what we need to say...
I rationalize what happened to the donor, saying to myself that they would have died no matter what my mother's health was like. I remind myself that in Canada this is a gift, a gift from the donor and their family... And that gifts, must be honored... And in this case the only way I can think of to say that it will be in honor is to remind ourselves that we have a duty to keep her healthy for as long as possible. The gift will live on for as long as we can possibly let it live on and in doing so, I pray they will have peace...
I know, that as I ramble on here my jumbled words can not assemble themselves without some guidance... I am throwing away gramatic license and trading it in for real emotional thought. I care little about the way the sentences are strewn together, I only care to share with you my emotions about it all... To let you see a little about what makes us tick as a family... I intend to work on a project, some kind of project for which the details have not quite come to me yet. I believe in doing this I can get some closure to all this and move on... Until then... I sit.... I mull... and I pray for the family of the Donor... whoever he/she may be...
I ride the roller coaster of life with nothing but a smile on my face and hugs for my kids...
I think this may be enough... I am quite sure actually!
Just before the call, my mother's lung capacity was estimated between 16 to 25 percent... That's not a lot of lung capacity, each breath was a severe struggle. She was getting one infection after another and it was starting to really look like the end of the line. I remember a week prior to the call she had the meropenum antibiotics via a portable battery powered pump that she was carrying around. And like a trooper she tried to go to the physio therapy room. We parked in the garage and she said, take me to the washroom I have to go before we get upstairs... So to the door we went... There was a bit of a cafuffle and I had a feeling something had gone wrong in there although each time I called into the bathroom... Are you ok? I heard a reply that was barely audible and broken up between gasps of air... "Yeah, i ahhhhh just .... i'll be....... ....... .... ok... " at that point when a lady opened the door for her and she was hanging on to the wheel chair as if it were her only hope I knew that we were in trouble... So instead of the physio room I brought her to the Emergency where she spent several hours and at the end of it all they said there really isn't much more they can do she's already on meropenum and isn't in immediate danger...
So a day later we ended up at the good Respirologist's office looking for some dire help... He is an honest man who has really carried her through all of this since she arrived in Ontario. He has prescribed meds, and therapys that have worked miracles as far as bringing her back to her baseline... He rushed her off to the hospital directly from his office once and even had pre arranged to have us admitted so we did not have to wait when we arrived. But that day... The day we begged for help from him he hung his head down and shook it saying there isn't anything more he can do.. We just have to wait for the call... It was really hard to deal with. I choked back my emotions and didn't for one second show my mother it bothered me. Instead I smiled at her and said "Bahhhh.. don't you worry, the call is coming"
I knew though, my mother was afraid... and as much as I tried to put on my poker face she saw right through it and knew I was afraid too...
So now that that phase is over... we walk the halls each day, meeting up with various people we have met through the program. Some are having a really tough time, one who we knew quite well is not expected to make it after fighting in MSICU for over 8 weeks... His wife, trying to be strong told me this in the elevator just after I broke the news to her that my mom is going home on Wednesday...
After an awkward silence all I could think of saying is, I'm so sorry...
During some of the physio visits we joked and laughed about when the call would come in and how we would react etc.... None of it was true, not a single emotion stood up to it's plan. The entire journey was not at all like we expected.
I wonder sometimes, how other friends are doing. We have not heard from them in over a week. I heard rumors that he was back in physio but I have not caught up with them yet to speak to them...
Today, in the halls I met with the spiritual councellor in the hospital. He was putting up some St Patricks day decorations and as always I joked and made comments on the lighter side... I asked him to come speak with us sometime and told him we are here until Wednesday... Like a man of God should he was enthusiastic about it and told me he is looking forward to our chat. I am not looking for religious guidance but rather advice on how to put our emotions and thanks for the donor family into words. Words that will honor... I somehow have this sense that no matter what we say, what we write down... It will never be quite right, it will not portray what we need to say...
I rationalize what happened to the donor, saying to myself that they would have died no matter what my mother's health was like. I remind myself that in Canada this is a gift, a gift from the donor and their family... And that gifts, must be honored... And in this case the only way I can think of to say that it will be in honor is to remind ourselves that we have a duty to keep her healthy for as long as possible. The gift will live on for as long as we can possibly let it live on and in doing so, I pray they will have peace...
I know, that as I ramble on here my jumbled words can not assemble themselves without some guidance... I am throwing away gramatic license and trading it in for real emotional thought. I care little about the way the sentences are strewn together, I only care to share with you my emotions about it all... To let you see a little about what makes us tick as a family... I intend to work on a project, some kind of project for which the details have not quite come to me yet. I believe in doing this I can get some closure to all this and move on... Until then... I sit.... I mull... and I pray for the family of the Donor... whoever he/she may be...
I ride the roller coaster of life with nothing but a smile on my face and hugs for my kids...
I think this may be enough... I am quite sure actually!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)